The Starting Line: Should You Facebook-Stalk Your New Roommate?

July 31, 2010 1:00 pm     Posted in Back to School, Reality  Margaret - Yale g+ page

[Meet Margaret. She's a recent high school grad gearing up for her first year at Yale. We'll check in with her every week to see what she's doing, what she's packing, and what new college surprises she's tackling (or freaking out about) next. Oh, to be an incoming freshman again....]


By Margaret

So on behalf of all my soon-to-be college freshmen out there, I can vouch that I have been a Facebook stalking maniac lately. Even more so than when I decide that I like a guy–and it’s pretty unhealthy then. So what’s the source of all this wall-post-analyzing, photo-clicking frenzy? I just received a letter telling me who my 3 randomly selected suitemates are for the upcoming school year.

Oy vey, I know, right?! I mean this is the start of this giant (GIANT!) new part of my life, probably more important than when Mary-Kate-and-Ashley (always said together) became Mary Kate Olsen and Ashley Olsen (“separate entities”, but really, who are we kidding? They are nothing without each other!). And what if I start out my new life with a roommate who is a complete dud?! I mean, sure, Seventeen makes it seem like our roomie is gonna be our next BFF–but you guys, we’ve all heard the horror stories ranging from the weird little pet peeve arguments (suitemates not allowing coat racks in a corner of the dorm) to the fatty issues (roomies getting drunk on you and bringing their flings back to your room when you are on the top bunk being like “Uhh, what do I do. . .”).

So really, you gotta get a good feel on what your roommate is like before you meet her, am I right?

To an extent, yes. Facebook stalking definitely has it’s advantages. You can figure out if you guys have anything at all in common and get at least a decent idea if she’s a Paris Hilton-esque partier type or a Natalie Portman-esque down to business type. Or a nice mix of both. And it’s always interesting to see what type of clothes she’s into, where she’s from and what she’s likes to do.

But the problems start coming when you start totally loving or hating your roomie. Because Facebook, lovely as it is, cannot give us a really good feel on someone’s real personality. I mean, what goes on a Facebook page is all what a person decides should go on their Facebook page. So yeah, you get to see what they like, but instead of seeing what they are really and truly about, you see a contrived version of what they want to be seen as. So, unfortunately, you may end up liking them less than you think you would. Disappointing. On the other hand, even if you have different interests, there’s a high possibility of you guys still getting on otherwise, purely due to your personalities. Overall, Facebook stalking tends to be awkward anyways–you end up knowing way more about a person before you really, really know them, and that awkwardness can even translate to a bad first impression…. or you spewing off facts you wouldn’t have known unless you stalked them, thus proving to your new roomie that you’re a creepy stalker.

Awk.ward.

So your new roommate may enjoy dark, brooding movies like One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest when you are actually more of a 50 First Dates type of girl. Or your roommate may have the exact same prom dress as you. Either way, don’t get your hopes up or your soul shattered: your roommate isn’t her Facebook profile.

14 Comments on "The Starting Line: Should You Facebook-Stalk Your New Roommate?"

  1. Emily says:
    Sat, 31st Jul 20109:02 am 

    This completely reminds me of my suite mate and I last year. As soon as we found out who the other was, we facebook stalked the heck out of one another, and admitted it too. It was actually a bit of a bonding experience when we both admitted to googling the other person for their track stats (we were both on the track team at our school). It worked out that we ended up becoming incredibly close. I'm fairly certain that we're sort of an odd case in this circumstance though.

  2. Lisa says:
    Sat, 31st Jul 20109:18 am 

    I found my roomie through facebook, and speaking from experience: she was COMPLETELY different from how she portrayed herself. She portrayed herself as being very down-to-earth, sarcastic, fun-loving-yet-dedicated-to-school, and understanding. We got along great in our chats and it looked like we had a lot in common, but not TOO much in common.

    In reality, she was horrible. Judgmental, stuck-up, always-right, prissy, and completely not up for any sort of compromise. She was constantly kicking me out of the room for her boyf, but would NEVER let mine stay (even though we agreed on that earlier) and tried to control my life. So I think, just go in without knowing too much – that way, you won'thave any notions of them one way or the other.

  3. Mel says:
    Sat, 31st Jul 201010:35 am 

    Ha. I had the same experience as Lisa. It just was not any good.

    I would say the only thing facebook is good for (when it comes to suitemates and roommates) is so that you know what they look like. If you know what they look like, you can't do something embarrassing like mistake their sister or friend for them. :P OR if you happen to see them at orientation.

    I don't know how Yale works, but my advice for anyone living in a suite is to make sure you have roommate agreements (in writing, with all your bases covered) and suite mate agreements (no sex in the champagne room, k thx. Trust me. Make it a rule. Girls do crazy shiz in bathrooms if it's not spelled out. Ick). At the school I'm at, the RAs are required to have the roommate and suite mate agreements so that, should anything go wrong, you can tell your RA and they can be like "oh yeah, you guys DID agree [not] to do this, let's make sure she realizes it." It seems stupid at first, but should it ever get to the point where you have a problem with the people you live with, there's no awkward "omg she's having sex while I'm in the room!!!!" moments. :)

  4. westcoastdreamer says:
    Sun, 1st Aug 20108:27 am 

    Facebook stalking has its ups and downs–and this is coming from the mouth of a self-proclaimed addict and stalker. It does allow for easy access to potential roomies (messaging and chat), but I know for a fact that my Facebook and I don't entirely match up.

    I was a freshman last year, and I remember the worry/terror that led up to meeting my roommate. Facebook did help with this: not only was I able to get a visual and starting points for conversation. However, it really didn't seem like we had that much in common.

    But boy was I wrong! She's now my best friend (which is far from common, so don't get any ideas, freshies). And we have oodles in common. So use Facebook wisely: do stalk, but keep an open mind.

  5. Jen says:
    Sun, 1st Aug 20101:28 pm 

    Facebook stalking def. has its ups and downs. But, I mean, I learned freshmen year of college that FB doesn't always equal reality.

    Our school, fortunately, had this roommate matcher which basically seemed like a dating service to me with all those questions. And, for some real lucky reason, I got someone who was a near 100% match with me and she FB'd me first too. Lol, and I mean, I couldn't really tell much from her FB bc she didn't post much, but we texted, and tried to meet up over the summer (only to fail). We finally met for the first time move in day, and I ended up giving her a ride to school when we were gonna stay for reals.

    Anywhoo, I was one of those cases where my roommate became one of my best friends. One of her friends from high school, one of my friends from high school, her, and I'm moving into an apartment this semester, and I couldn't be more excited!!

  6. E says:
    Tue, 3rd Aug 20104:49 pm 

    I’m about to start college and I’m not that freaked out. I might try fb stalking though :)

  7. Stephanie says:
    Tue, 3rd Aug 20107:26 pm 

    I definitely facebook stalked my freshman roommate. I thought she was totally great but she admitted later (once we met in real life and got a good feel for one another) that she thought I was basically a 7 year old wrapped in an 18 year old's body. :P

  8. Roobee says:
    Fri, 3rd Sep 20109:38 am 

    I just found out who my roomate is and I am soooo facebook stalking her. Unlucky for her, I dont have a facebook/myspace/etc. I've tried contacting her every day since the room assignment came out and still havent reached her. No answered phone calls or responses to my texts. I dont want to email her cause I just dont know what to say over email . Ugh, and my other roomate didnt even allow the school to tell me her name, email, nothing. She will be a complete stranger to me on move in day.

  9. Cassey says:
    Wed, 11th Jul 201211:22 pm 

    ½ ¼ Sexergy ¹ ¼ ¼ ³ ¼ ½ ¼ ² sexergy ¼ ³ – ²¾ ½ ¼

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