Hooking Up – Girls Just Wanna Have Fun… Right?

Ever since I flipped through the many college brochures in high school, I had my own college fantasy.  I saw frat boys making out with sorority girls under a sycamore tree in the quad a Sports Illustrated swimsuit poster while double-fisting a Coors, ‘Van Wilder’ playing in the background. It’s a strange college ideal, but let’s face it: in college, hooking up comes as natural as canning two Red Bull 30 minutes deep into a study session. What do you expect from a slew of horny, freshly-free kids placed in a small colony of dorm rooms?  From the very first night of college the constant pressure to hook up with people looms like the haze of a drunk-buzz. And it’s the norm.

Random hook ups are not only not shunned in college, they’re expected. College is a get-by-free pass for having fun and making out.

I’m not saying everyone hooks up in college, but for the majority of the student body, hooking up is a given.  Meeting new prospective hook-ups you’ll most likely regret in the morning and dish with your roomies is as expected as walking into the library and walking out with a book. It’s free and returnable.

Under most circumstances, girls will say hooking up is fun and carefree.  After a few beers, there is nothing wrong with making out and fooling around with a cute college boy that has a baby-face and likes to dance with you next to the beer pong table.  And hooking up doesn’t have to involve drinking either.  We’re all familiar with the term ‘booty-call.’  Simple attraction and a life sans parental units can ignite hook-ups and the ‘no strings attached’ attitude.  That’s why hooking up is fun!  You never have to worry about meeting families, what his favorite baseball team is, or if you should text him or call him the next day.

But, what if hook-ups are about more than ‘I just want to let loose and have fun?’  Before I say this next statement, you somehow have to bare with me. OK, here goes: I read I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell’ by Tucker Max and while the guy is a complete douche, I think he might be onto something.  Whew, OK, punch a pillow or something pretending it’s my face.  Now that we got that out of the way, here’s why I think Mr. Max may have made a valid point.  He once stated that he goes for girls who are insecure because they are the easiest to hook up with.  Ignoring the fact that Tucker Max introduced this concept to me, hear me out.

What if hooking up is more than fun and games?  What if we hook up because we’re insecure? Think about it: insecurities make people do silly things and hooking up with a random is definitely silly.  Although we may think we’re “having fun” and “getting some,” are we really just filling a void? Trying to build ourselves up/ Insecurities make us feel unloved and unwanted; is hooking up a crutch to help us feel like we’re loved and wanted, if only momentarily?

The attention gained from a hook-up feels positive and real.  For as long as a hook-up lasts (whether it’s for a night, or an ongoing affair), it makes us feel better. You’re with a guy that is clearly attracted to you enough to be rolling around the sheets with you. You feel sexy, wanted, and excited to be a part of the hook-up culture so prevalent on campus. Do we play these random nights up in our head to be “fun” when really they are a failed attempt in emotional attentiveness? Are we so insecure that we fear a real relationship, thus hooking up to avoid the feelings (and potential rejection) that a real, healthy relationship would provide?

Let that sink in for a moment.
Then ponder this:

Can we have a solid hook-up completely sans insecurity, or is insecurity in a hook-up as expected as the awkward walk-of-shame in the morning? Could Tucker Max be right (yes, I used Tucker Max and the word ‘right’ in the same sentence), or is it possible for perfectly confident girls to be in it for fun?

It’s your call. What do you think?



  1. a says:

    "Loose Girl: A Memoir of Promiscuity" by Kerry Cohen would definitely back up what you are suggesting about hooking up. This girl goes through life moving from man to man all to make herself feel better. It's not the best memoir I ever read, but it definitely gave insight to insecurities of women and how they are sometimes dealt with.

  2. Anna says:

    I think that's what makes the difference between a "slut," although I dislike that word, and a regular girl having fun- a "slut" has hook ups for the attention and the social gain, whereas a healthier, happier girl does it because she likes it.

  3. nk says:

    i think most of my hookups happened because i wanted affection and attention from a guy (any guy), and was willing to sacrifice my ideal of really being loved, for that happy feeling of being wanted for a night or two.

    I dont regret it, i just find hookups kind of an empty stopgap between actual relationships.

  4. […] Hooking Up -Girls Just Wanna Have Fun… Right? : College Candy […]

  5. JL says:

    I agree that most people do it to validate their attractiveness and what not. I'm not saying all people who hook up are doing it out of insecurity but a good chunk do indeed. I mean some people do it because they actually like a guy and they think that hooking up will lead to something more (not always a good plan)or just do it just to establish the fact they're free from parental supervision.

    Overall great article and great reference to Tucker Max (although he's a jerk and a half…)

  6. Sunny says:

    I hate to disagree, but I I disagree. I definitely think it is possible for a confident girl to be in it for fun, because being confident means knowing you can get what you want. In other words, you can be picky. And being picky might mean being patient because the good guys are not always a dime a dozen. While I have had numerous hook-ups, I have only had a very tiny handful of actual boyfriends and all of them have been chosen with careful consideration, because while I may be ready to just jump into bed for a wild night with a mediocre hottie whose last name I can't quite remember, I am not about to give my heart (and the power to seriously hurt me) to just anyone. So, I have no insecurity issues that lead me to hook up with randoms, rather, I have found that hook ups are just a nice way to pass the time while I wait for the next worthy boy to come along. Because lets face it, a hook-up worthy guy is easy to come by but a boyfriend-worthy guy is not. At least not with my standards. So I'm not about to miss out on all the fun just because I have high standards for relationships.

  7. James says:

    It's healthy to be out there enjoying sex. But it's a real eye opener that this comes from a girl! I don't know the American culture except from TV, but in Australia we are taught that girls like relationships and boys just want sex. Girls are good and boys are evil.

    There are so many bloody hang ups we all have that it's refreshing to think of a time and place we can have carefree sex. I recently online dated an African girl (I'm white) with a view to meeting her and I made it clear that cos of the distance and time/unlikelihood until a possible meeting, that it was ok to have sex… she maintained she wasn't, even tho she was unavailable a lot. Eventually a girl friend I have sex with (note, not a 'girlfriend') occasionally, 'dobbed me in' and the African girl dropped me. My friend is more emotionally attached than she lets on.

    Really, I wudnt hav liked it if she (the African) had sex with some guy. I can imagine how I wud feel if she taped it and showed me over the net… but I cud live with it, as at least wen we havnt met in person yet, our sex lives are separate.

    Your article begs the obvious question: can we get over our insecurities and not feel we have to own the other? How can we achieve that feeling of sexual happiness yet be true to one person? Wud it be healthy for a r'ship to both have a time-out where each partner is free to indulge in non-r'ship sex?

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  9. sunnynanda says:

    i wanna a gf right now

  10. Angie Marie says:

    I LOVE this article. This "insecurities breed (no pun intended) hookups" theory is something I've been pointing out to all of my friends lately. I find it really, really sad, actually, that so many people I care about are so desperate for validation of their attractiveness/self-worth.

  11. […] Hooking Up – Girls Just Wanna Have Fun… Right? : College Candy […]

  12. shari says:

    would we be talking about guys only hooking up with a girl because they're insecure? i'm sick of the double standard. some girls just like hooking up! i am a sexual being and that does not make me insecure!

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  19. Dk Knight says:

    I agree with Shari. I don't see the big deal. People don't sleep around because of insecurities. It's because they have real needs. Some sexual and some emotional.

    Why can't people except that some women like sex as much or more than some men. A girl has a right to enjoy sex too you know.

  20. Ash says:

    I think this is absolutely true of college women (and I believe I can say that as a current college senior who has her fair share of "random makeouts" throughout my time in college). My question though, is what about the guys? Are they hooking up for the same reason, to boost their ego so they can brag to their friends that they've had X number of random hookups? Are they equally insecure? I don't believe any guy would admit that he hooks up because he is insecure. I would love to hear others thoughts on the guys end of hookups in college.

  21. Stacie says:

    hookups in college was the norm when I went. Have fun, but be safe.

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  23. aish says:

    i agree girls wanna have fun

    bt dont make a habit of it….it gets self destructive….dnt worry about wat other ppl think….worry about ur self

    if u hav fun its fine…be safe

  24. Irritable says:

    Ok, Brittany, normally I wouldn't say anything, but I'm pretty sure that you've done this other times and the little grammar monster inside my head is gnashing its teeth; to "bear", as in, to bear a burden or to bear with someone. Spelled like the animal, not the state of undress.

    Can't comment on the article yet, I was too distracted and had to write this comment first.

  25. Irritable says:

    Well, I thought it was gonna be a fail because you brought Tucker Max into it, but you raise a valid question. I think you have to be careful, though, not to fall into the trap of all these baby boomers commenting on young women today who are just uncomfortable with our command of our sexual lives and want to curtail it. I think some women can have no strings attached sex, but I'm not sure, because I know I can't. Then, I guess the question is, if most people really do have one night stands as a poor substitute for emotional connection, should anyone be having casual sex? To which I think the answer is yes.

    I'm not making much sense right now, but I think the point I want to make is that bringing self esteem into it makes me really uncomfortable. Because no one would ever question the self esteem of a dude who had one night stands all the time, would they? I think these things have to be viewed as being along a spectrum, based on individual disposition. The most important thing is that no one be judged for those decisions, which is why I like hearing about the College Candy staffers going out and ENJOYING their one night stands! You guys are like warriors…for sex! Wooo!!

  26. anonymous says:

    Hahaha i love how everyone hates it when a woman expresses sexual desire

    the religious types hate it because a girl must remain pure and chaste for the Lord

    some men hate it because they have a weird slut/virgin mental illness

    and then there are women who bitch out other women and call her 'insecure'

    Sure, it's easy to have sex with insecure people, but to even think that even a small number of girls (no mention of men, hmm odd) do hookups because their insecure is dumb unless you have solid evidence to support your claim.

    And all you have is this Tucker Max guy. Sigh, this is why us men are the superior gender.

  27. Tanya says:

    I couldn't do what all y'all do. I have too much heart to share it with dozens of men. It would just tear me apart trying to sort out my feelings for each of them eventually I would just give up on sex all together because of what I would eventually associate it with: One night stands and broken hearts.

  28. Kellyb says:

    I completely agree with Tanya.

    I want to share my body in a special way. I've been used up enough. I'm done. I want a physical connection with meaning.

    I want a boyfriend.

  29. J.C. says:

    I am currently in a hook up realationship with a guy. I do think that a lot of people…especially girls do hook up because they are subconciously insecure…however that does not mean that all people or girls who hook up are insecure. sure, i've had my fair share of relationships and breakups… and i am NOT the type of girl to normally hook up with someone at all…actually this is my first time…i'm actually insecure about the hooking up. now there's a twist! i'd rather stop seeing him because i'm not really comfortable with the hooking up. So what i'm saying is that i'd rather not be hooking up than be hooking up and not be satisfied.

    1. Gary says:

      Try going to a cool site like to find some new friends and maybe love. Hooking up is lifeless. College stuff.

  30. K..J. says:

    Just speaking for myself, when I don't have a boyfriend I don't see anything wrong with hooking up when I want to and I don't think it means I am insecure. The difference is when I'm hooking up I can be very selfish and use my skills to make sure it is all about me. It can be exciting and fun to get what I want without compromising and it doesn't make me a bad girlfriend when I am in a relationship.

  31. Anonymous says:

    I don't understand how or why people will give the most intimate parts of themselves to complete strangers….

  32. […] ALWAYS emotionally and physically safe – but if you find yourself heading for a hook up to fill something inside of you that is feeling sad, lonely or empty, you are always going to end up feeling […]

  33. criolle johnny says:

    The TEACHMAN Study would seem to contradict your thesis. In his article,
    Teachman "adds a new dimension to the long-held belief that premarital sex and cohabitation are strong predictors of divorce for women".

    It would seem that a higher number of premarital partners is a pretty good predictor of eventual divorce. The higher number of partners leading to a higher probability.

    At 16 partners, probability approaches 82%.

    It appears that some of our cherished fantasies are not stacking up to empirical data.

  34. eli11 says:

    …except that Teachman failed to control for religiosity. The continued existence of a marriage doesn't mean that it's a happy union. Many religions frown on divorce, so religious couples are more likely to persist in unhappy marriages, whereas liberal couples are more likely to have multiple premarital partners, and will also be more willing to terminate miserable marriages.

    This study was also based on women who married between 15 and 40 years ago. Teachman notes that 18% of women he studied did not have premarital sex; for today's young adults, that figure hovers closer to 5%. I'd be curious to see exactly how many women in this study had more than a handful of premarital partners — women who were in their 20s in the 70s and 80s would have been major outliers if they had more than 1 or 2 premarital partners, which would skew the data.

    1. Kelly says:

      People are always just hooking up. Marriage is an in and out thing. It seems hooking up is a thing of all ages and for all reasons. people are just throwing themselves at you. Guy or girl.

    2. mike says: look for no games

  35. criolle johnny says:

    The 70s and 80s were the cutting edge of the sexual revolution.

    Women in their 20s were on that edge and would have been part of that revolution who had multiple partners. Historically this corresponded with "no-fault" divorce and the explosion of out-of-wedlock births.

    SINCE that point (or phase?) in history, over half of first-time marriages end in divorce. The rate is higher for second marriages.

    The Teachman study does have many flaws. It fails to explore reasons for entering marriage and pre-marital counseling. As with pre-marital relationships, too many leap without looking or thinking.

    The wrong heads are in charge … with both genders.

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  37. bob says:

    "Random hook ups are not only not shunned in college, they’re expected."


    That makes no sense. Do you even know what shunned means?

    1. Mike says:

      You need to re-read the sentence … She said that hookups are NOT shunned, it makes perfect sense

  38. Kc says:

    I have always wondered why I have no feelings or attatchments to sex but maybe this is why? I have never considered my self insecure I am very attractive and guys always like me but i can never allow my self to get close to a guy. i just figured it was because my mom has had so many failed relationships i just can't trust them but im 18 and have had sex with 26 people none of which were boyfriends. I've never had a boyfriend and even the guys that wanted to date after sex I just never liked. Idk whats wrong with me but i could have sex with like 100 people and not feel bad i just love sex and dont know how to really like anyone i guess….

    but since college it's definitely been easier to hook up and its expected and casual but hey im not complaining..

  39. Blunt says:


    Daddy issues. You probably lacked a father figure. You like the attention and affection a man gives you but as you said your mom had so many failed relationships, so that could be the reason why you don't want something more than a hook up. You'll able to sort it out once you get older when hooking up isn't much easier anymore because you're not as youthful as you once were. Try to change your mindset as early as you can. You don't want to be depressed and alone in the future or worse settle with someone you don't love.

    Or you're just a nymphomaniac. (Yes, you'll probably make yourself believe this one rather than the one above.)

    And get yourself tested.

    1. Amy Clancy says:

      so does the male who does the same thing have mommy issues? I don't really see the connection here… a girl with a perfectly admirable relationship with her father, mother, and friends, who loves and respects herself completely may still "hook up". I agree with you that having family issues can lead some girls into acting desperate and hooking up with anything with a penis… but what about the guys? Why do they get off scott free? If we can assume that girls hook up based on their "daddy issues" then it's also safe to say that guys hook up based on their "mommy issues" too.

      To be clear: To assume that a girl hooks up solely out of lack of attention from her father is completely sexist. There could be a million reasons why a human being would want to hook up with another human being… self respect (although can sometimes play a role) doesn't necessarily have anything to do with it. Society is more open these days, not everyone believes in monogamous relationships, people hook up with people… call it social interaction among peers… natural, primal, instinctive, and so long as you are using protection: healthy.

  40. kate says:

    I absolutely agree with Sunny. I just had a major blowout with my boyfriend over this topic. Watching Jersey Shore, you see the guys bag on Angelina for having multiple partners. While neither side, guy or girl, has class, its their choice and I find it repulsive that the girl is judged and put down by a male for doing the exact same thing. I have kissed a lot of guys and slept with what i consider a small number and all because, as anonymous states, I hadn't found any of them worthy enough to be a 2 night stand or boyfriend. I could have had any of them as much as I wanted. A guy will not say no. Point is, I chose to move on just as a guy might if a woman didn't meet his criteria. It's a huge sexist issue. I grew up with males so I don't see myself as a slut when I act as they do. PERIOD.

  41. word says:

    Yes, some people go out of their way and try most likely too hard to hook up with someone to make them feel better about themselves. Yes, some people go out with the intention of hooking up with someone to get a certain someone else off their mind, if even for just that night. Of course hooking up sometimes is a gap filling attempt.
    But. To say that hooking up is solely a result of such insecurities is completely ridiculous. Hooking up is naturally enjoyable. Humans have a natural, healthy desire for each other. Wanting to hook up and hooking up with someone is a response to that natural desire. Saying people only hook up because their insecure is ignoring a large section of human emotion. I realize that what youre talking about is hooking up with a random person, not just hooking up with someone in general, however some people, for a variety of reasons, dont want anything more than that at the time. Hooking up with someone random who the person wont have to be tied down to afterwards can be a pretty nice scenario for such a person. Having said that, someone who is involved with random hook ups but is really strongly desiring a serious relationship is probably doing it for brief emotional connectivity.

  42. Aaron says:

    Honestly I really want to have sex all the time. To have a woman who knows what she is doing and is great at performing everything that has to do with sex including 4play. This may sound as if I am some creep or that I am this over weight man making a desperate attempt to get laid. Though it is very true I really do want to get laid but I asure you that I am not ugly,fat,or a creep. I really desire a woman who is willing to participate both mentally and physically. sex should always be a dual effort and not up until her clothes come off.

    1. Sarahhxxx says:

      are you on any flirt cam and chat sites? i am like that to lol!!!!!!!!! email on if you want to talk anytime hunn dirrtttyy or undirttyy i don't mind bbzz

  43. johnny Owens says:

    Thanks for reminding me that everyone in college was hooking up except for me. you have a very skewed view of the world. I really do wonder how your life turns out.

  44. justice says:

    why do you people like having sex with men so give me your number

  45. justice says:

    i want your numer

  46. ricky says:

    i like this

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