The Weekly Ten: Movies I WON’T Be Seeing This Summer
Who doesn’t love a good summer blockbuster? On those dreary, rainy summer days, sometimes all you want to do is head to your local movie theater with some friends (or the bf) and shove popcorn in your face while Leonardo DiCaprio confuses you entertains you for 2.5 hours.
However, along with the blockbusters, there are some serious summer blockBUSTS. Here are the trainwrecks I won’t be shelling out twelve dollars to see.
10. Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore
Really? If the creepy pun on “Pussy Galore” wasn’t enough to terrify me, the mere prospect of talking cats is enough to give me nightmares until December. I like my dogs to woof and cats to be a mysterious part of my Chinese food.
9. Charlie St. Cloud
Enough with these commercials. Why is Zac Efron (aka Disney’s version of Chase Crawford) talking to dead people? Shouldn’t he be singing and dancing in some made-for-TV movie and prancing around with his new teeth and his girlfriend who loves to sext? Terrible. F.
I have no words for how much I despise this franchise and everyone who fawns over it. I understand that Twihardation is a disease. Seek help immediately if suffering from the illness and read a decent book or watch a classic film.
7. The Sorcerer’s Apprentice
Nicolas Cage is in it. And he’s wearing a toupee. PASS.
6. Step Up 3D
Tell me, how is dancing enhanced by the 3D experience? Oh wait, who’s even IN these movies? There’s actually been three of them? Someone help.
5. Lottery Ticket
Bow Wow (no longer with the “Lil”) wins the lottery while living in the projects. T-Pain and Ice Cube make cameos. I really can’t go any further into this without being offensive for simply regurgitating what the trailer depicts. Make your own commentary and watch it here.
4. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
Michael Cera is awkward. And the earth revolves around the sun. Whoopdedoo.
3. Grown Ups
Dear Adam Sandler,
I want my money back from “Funny People” and I refuse to see any of your movies until you refund me.
PS: Kevin James, that also goes for you and any episodes of “King of Queens” I may have accidentally watched. I will never get those 30 minutes back. Shame on you.
2. Ramona and Beezus
I read every single Beverly Cleary book when I was younger and I refuse to watch some low-budget Disney kid ruin my life even further than they did when I was forced to watch and episode of “Zac and Cody” with the children I babysit. Stick to the angsty songs, Gomez. Lay off my children’s literature.
1. The Last Airbender
What does that even mean?? I try to avoid movies that have an 8% on RottenTomatoes.Com. Wow. How do you go from “The Sixth Sense” to having 0 credibility? How’s that for a twist, M. Knight Shyamalan?