Facebook Creepin’ – A Guide

August 3, 2010 12:00 pm     Posted in Entertainment, HaHa  Ariel Abramowitz g+ page


By Ariel Abramowitz

Facebook can turn even the most confident girl into a crazy stalker. Whether it’s clicking rapidly through photo albums and tagged pictures or checking out every. single. girl. who posts on your random hook-up’s wall, we’ve all been there. And that’s OK. It’s not like we’re sitting in a windowless van outside someone’s house for hours, watching their every move. No, we’re just reading what they wanted us to read. No privacy settings, no problem!

But while creepin’ on The Book is totes acceptable, there are some things that just aren’t. So if you’re so-bored-you-want-to-die at your summer job, or even if you’re just obsessed with finding out which of your long lost high school peers has gotten knocked up – if you want to keep your creeping under wraps, remember these few things when you go on a stalking expedition.

Do learn to close all of your tabs when you leave your laptop (or worse, the computer lab)! Actually… stick to Facebook stalking in private. If the evidence isn’t there, it never happened, right?

Do not creep from your cell phone! It’s much easier to accidentally click on something you didn’t mean to (i.e. “liking” your ex-boyfriend’s picture of him and his new lady friend) when using a touch screen. Trust me.

Do realize you need to draw the line somewhere. Checking to see that your ex downgraded with his new girl? Fine. But her friends, her ex-boyfriends, and her sorority sisters? Definitely a don’t.

Stick to sober stalking. Don’t log in after a few Vlad cocktails or when you return home from happy hour. Embarrassing spelling and grammar mistakes aside, no good comments could possibly happen after 2 AM.

Knowing that someone was a busboy for three years… Don’t go around mentioning that – or anything that can only be gleaned from a late night stalk sesh – in casual conversation. Holy awkward, Batman. Accidentally slip? DENY. DENY. DENY. And when all else fails, just blame it on your Newsfeed. That “creepfeed” shows everything these days.

Never, ever, EVER post comments and “like” a post of a person you’re stalking. Especially if that was a status update from 2007. I know what you’re thinking: “Who does that?!” But people do…and it’s creepy. The key here is to continue creeping without being noticed. Get it?

And if you notice that you got a little too carried away, DO step back from your Macbook and take a few deep breaths. Or start growing some sh*t on Farmville. Wait, on second thought, that is a definite don’t.

36 Comments on "Facebook Creepin’ – A Guide"

  1. AndDREW says:
    Tue, 3rd Aug 201011:54 pm 

    FUSING TECNOLOGY

  2. SF Sex Toy says:
    Sun, 15th Aug 20107:03 pm 

    Have seen a lot of 'nice' girls become stalkers and psychos on Facebook, which is why I hate Facebook…

  3. CheatConfession says:
    Tue, 17th Aug 20105:22 am 

    Facebbok is great, but it can also be dangerous. Not only for the obvious reasons, but you may find something out that you didn't want to. Anyone can tag a pic of you in any compromising situation and if someone see's it who you might not want to than you could potenially have a problem on your hands. So many people from cheatconfession.com have found out through facebook that their bf/gf might have cheated on them. There is probably no worse way to find out than to see a picture on your feed (that everyone else can see)

  4. AndDREW says:
    Sun, 22nd Aug 20106:29 pm 

    ФЬЮЗИНГ ТЕХНОЛОГИЯ ЧАСЫ, ВИТРАЖИ, БЛЮДА

  5. Kreepin' Ain&#0 says:
    Fri, 27th Aug 20108:49 am 

    Simple, this is a parody video that calls out all the FB creepers out there…hilarious

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyKcPDIej1s&fe…

  6. Wiser says:
    Wed, 22nd Dec 201012:34 pm 

    does everyone here realize that facebook is a social website and stalking only applies to real life people who follow you around everywhere?

    People are just getting dumber and dumber… It's simple logic, don't post anything on a social website that you don't want anyone else to see more than once.

  7. Min says:
    Sun, 10th Jul 201111:55 pm 

    THIS TOO…

  8. vectorash says:
    Sat, 15th Oct 20116:15 pm 

    You know the real joke? Facebook is actually the stalker as they have been watching user activity even after they LOG OFF Facebook: http://www.vectorash.ro/facebook_tracking_activit…

  9. farmville discover goals says:
    Wed, 28th Dec 201110:57 pm 

    Excellent post. I was checking constantly this weblog and I’m inspired! Very useful info particularly the closing phase :) I handle such information much. I was looking for this certain info for a long time. Thanks and good luck.

  10. katie says:
    Sun, 15th Jan 20128:39 pm 

    This is so true. I was told by this one guy that I reminded him of his sister. In my ticked-off, drunken state, I stumbled home later that night, logged on to facebook, and tried to see if I can find out anything about this girl. After an all too easy 5 minute search I found her, no privacy settings. It was freaky. We are, for all intents and proposes, the same person. The story gets, worse, however. The next time I run into the afore-mentioned guy, I drunkenly CONFESS to having creeped her. I tell him it's okay, his sister and I are very similar, we both play the cello. *facepalm* Now, whenever I go to a party that I know he's at, I volunteer myself as the designated driver. Most embarrassing moment of my life.

  11. Bizmark says:
    Tue, 17th Apr 20127:57 pm 

    I don't even understand this. If people leave their profile completely open with no privacy why shouldn't anyone look at it who wants to? As often as they want. It hurts no one. Sure it's dumb and means they have no life but so what? If you want your FB profile private then make it private.

  12. Julia Shubs says:
    Fri, 15th Jun 20126:38 am 

    Dats rite. Fb can make d most confident person a stalker. Sheeeeesh wots wrong wit stalking? It ain't hurting no one.stalk on just DON'T get caught.

  13. Brionna says:
    Sat, 16th Jun 20126:57 pm 

    HOLY BALLS

  14. Hosting en Chile says:
    Sun, 1st Jul 201210:39 pm 

    That's why I hate facebook

  15. isingmyowngr8ness says:
    Sat, 27th Oct 201210:40 pm 

    wow!!! your embarrassment just caused me to have some health benefit from laughing hard, and happily!!! My sister…if you EVAH become an author or a movie producer/director/film maker, PLEASE always remember the cool fellow stalker (no alcohol i can blame it on, just bad days or bored days, lol), named ME!!!

    Peace out!!! that was funny, you'll tell your kids this, and your grandkids this in the future, and they'll be like, dude, you had to like look at a screen (because by then EVERYTHING will like, be in holograms, or something)… ;-()

  16. Hello says:
    Sun, 14th Apr 20136:13 am 

    There are apps through which you can see who's been stalking you happened to me once. the ONE TIME I fb stalked.

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