10 Undercover Items Your Parents Will Buy You In College

August 11, 2010 12:00 pm     Posted in Back to School, College, Entertainment, Reality  Brittany - University of Saint Thomas g+ page


By Brittany

I remember the days of running around Bed Bath and Beyond with my parents, frantically scrounging the aisle for that perfect plastic bin to stash all of my Ramen. Talk about a brutally long scene of events.  I stood in the florescent-lit aisles of so many department stores I started dreaming about shower caddies, futon throw blankets and Audrey Hepburn posters.

However, my parents were more than generous when they stashed the cart with college-goodies.  Especially food.  I think my mother thought I was going to eat all my food the first day, never have the desire/money to buy anymore and end up looking like a famished kid come Christmas.  Bless their hearts, ma and pa provided me with everything I would ever need in a my 8X8 dorm room.

And they didn’t even realize the half of it.

Although my parents made sure I had just about everything to satisfy my college-soul when I hightailed it to party-town, there are some sneaky things they didn’t even realize they’d purchased.  I’m not saying I smuggled a box of Trojans in between my binders; I’m simply stating there are some things out there your mama and papa can buy you that serve a college purpose they’ll never know or understand.

Allow me to explain.
Note: I really hope my mother never reads this. I love you, Ma!

1. Bed Sheets
As you cruise the household aisles for the sheets, make sure to snag some with the highest thread count best potential for toga parties. Read: a solid set. How will the parental units ever know?  My mom always insisted I had an extra set of sheets “just in case I never had the time/drive to wash ‘em.” What mama didn’t know, however, is that changing a set of sheets on a dorm bunk is a lot less satisfying (and a lot more work!) then looking positively fabulous at your first college toga party.

2. Plywood Board
This is easy; all you have to do is tell your parents the bottom of your bunk sinks in when you sleep on it. Then boom, you have a make-shift beer pong table. Before you know it, you will be bouncing ping pong balls (those you probably have to buy on your own will) and sipping warm Keystone from a red cup. In your own dorm room. ‘Where the party at?’ is your new motto.

3. Socks
What other reason would your parents think of where you would need socks – other than keeping your feet warm and stank-free? The sock on the door trick when you’re getting busy in the bedroom? Exactly, my friend.

4. White Bar Soap/Whiteout
With all that personal decorating in college (i.e. posters, re-arranging massive dressers, etc.) nicks on the wall come in packs of HUGE.  And you know what that equals: lots of money come the end of the semester to repair. But with some handy bar soap or a nice bottle of Whiteout, you won’t have to tell daddy-o he needs to match the paint (or write another check) after you terrorized your room while when you ripped the posters from the wall in a drunken rage the other night. All you gotta do is take that bar of soap your parents bought you in September and fill in the holes in the walls. Voila.

5. Snorkel
Come Spring Break season, parents won’t bat an eyelash when you beg them for a snorkel for your Cancun trip. You want to see the coral reef, the wildlife, the ocean. Where is the harm in that? Before you know it, you will be examining the Nemo’s under the sea filtering keg beer into the snorkel’s spout to the tune of ‘Freshman, Freshman!’ coming from the surrounding crowd.

6. Fruit
There’s this delicacy I like to call WHM…

7. Garbage Bags / Dawn Dish Soap
My freshman year, a ton of students took to the quad late at night with dish soap and garbage bags.  No, they did not scrub the sidewalks and pick up empty beer cans.  They constructed a slip n’ slide. If you want to be as awesome as they were for creating one of the messiest and happiest nights of my life, match their stride. Load up on the bags, ladies.

8. Permanent Markers
You want to label your folders, work on school presentations, or do art projects…. on people’s faces/your brand new beer pong table (See #2).

9. Birth Control Pill
My mom still thinks I am on birth control to regulate my period while living around so many other women. And I just keep letting her believe it.

10. Vitamin Water
“But Mom, when I work out I want to gain back all of those healthy electrolytes so I can efficiently study.” Except replace “work out” with “follow a tequila shot with a keg stand and then come home at 3am with only one shoe and a slice of pizza in my purse.”

27 Comments on "10 Undercover Items Your Parents Will Buy You In College"

  1. Lauren says:
    Wed, 11th Aug 20109:44 am 

    Don't forget a blender for a healthy breakfast smoothie that you can carry to class….ORRRR to make many margaritas!!!!

  2. cissy yee says:
    Wed, 11th Aug 201012:43 pm 

    This article makes me glad I don't have to fool my parents into thinking I wouldn't drink or actually have fun in college. Most of things, I would just tell them anyway. They always just say not to "drink too much" and "travel with someone".

  3. The Raisin Girl says:
    Wed, 11th Aug 201012:45 pm 

    Okay, how about some college life tips for those of us who spend a weekend sober every once in awhile? There's this "college girl=party girl" stereotype that you guys just help perpetuate on this site, and it's getting really tiring. Google the words "college girl" and you'll see just how seriously the world takes women in higher education, and articles like this just keep it going.

    Sure, we all try new things in college. But those new things do not ALWAYS include drinking our body weight in cheap alcohol and stumbling home. How about some variety, College Candy?

    And finally…I'm sure you know this, but…your mom probably has no illusions about why you're on birth control. More likely, it's easier and more comfortable for her to continue to pretend your reasons are what you say they are than to discuss sex with you. Most sexually active teens and twenty-somethings have this silent agreement with their parents.

  4. lena says:
    Wed, 11th Aug 20102:17 pm 

    this article is so lame

  5. anonymous says:
    Wed, 11th Aug 20106:00 pm 

    i'm with raisin girl

  6. ugh. says:
    Wed, 11th Aug 20107:29 pm 

    What is more tiring than anything is people who whine about these articles. if you want to read about glorious sober adventures, write an article. if you think there is too much party girl atmosphere on collegecandy go find another website. most of the readers have a sense of humor and can take all these articles with a grain of salt. this website is obviously no moral code to base your life off and it's not intended to be. get a life.

  7. Danielle says:
    Wed, 11th Aug 20108:19 pm 

    "Google the words “college girl” and you’ll see just how seriously the world takes women in higher education, and articles like this just keep it going."

    Um no. The reason for that is because the internet is like 90% porn. I would guess that most of searches using any variant of the word 'girl' are done in hopes of finding porn. To say this article is perpetuating this is pretty naive.

    Like "ugh" said this article is supposed to be entertaining. It's not trying to make some kind of statement. And there are PLENTY of articles on this website that don't have to do with drinking. But face it, whether you participate in it or not, drinking is a big part of college life.

  8. Miriam says:
    Thu, 12th Aug 20104:28 am 

    I might be alone on this one, but given that my parents are paying upwards of $40,000 a year for me to get a college education, tricking them into buying me more stuff just so I don't have to finance my own drinking and sex life just seems kind of wrong.

  9. The Raisin Girl says:
    Thu, 12th Aug 20104:47 am 

    @Ugh: The website advertises itself as a site for college girls, covering diverse topics relevant to college girls. But "how I look" and "how I party" is hardly diverse. Not only that, but "go read something else" isn't the only way, or even the most effective way, to handle things you don't like. I'm not concerned that College Candy is polluting my mind in some way. I'm concerned about how college girls in general are seen by the world, and I'm concerned about the messages young women are sent about college. And there is nothing wrong with me letting the writers of College Candy know my opinions. After all, they put a nice big comment box here for me!

    @Danielle: Google "college boy". You can cite any cause for it you want, but it all comes back to a cultural consciousness that treats men in college more serious than women in college. If the internet being 90% porn is the ONLY reason a Google search of "college girl" brings back so many pornographic results, one would expect similar results from "college boy" as well. The fact is, the dominating cultural image of the college girl has little to do with learning and everything to do with male fantasy. Even a neutral term like "co-ed." A co-ed could be a boy or a girl, but how many times do you hear the phrase "nail a co-ed" in reference to a man?

    @Miriam: THANK YOU! The utter lack of respect the writer shows for her parents here is astonishing and sad. I'm no goody-two-shoes, and obviously there are things we all keep from our parents, but not only is she giving us tips on "tricking" someone who is likely already paying for our education into buying us unnecessary stuff, her cursory and coy dismissal of her mother's feelings if she were to read this is kind of appalling.

  10. kaley says:
    Thu, 12th Aug 20104:40 pm 

    who says this girl isn't paying for her own education just because her parents paid for her dorm stuff?

  11. Danielle says:
    Thu, 12th Aug 20109:27 pm 

    @ Raisin Girl

    I just googled "college boy" and guess what? Most of the results were for gay porn. Just saying…

  12. The Raisin Girl says:
    Fri, 13th Aug 20105:17 am 

    @Danielle: Web or image search? I image-searched "college boy," and all I got were pictures of happy-looking, clean-cut guys in their twenties holding messenger bags, wearing graduation robes, sporting the coolest new college footwear, striding to class looking confident, et cetera. Image-searching "college girl" gets me an exorbitant amount of cleavage, random party scene photos, stills from porn, et cetera.

    And it wouldn't surprise me if a web search of "college boy" returned gay porn. The gay community is as devalued by society as the female community at least, and probably even moreso. That, and there's still this ridiculous perpetuation of smart, creative, or artistic men being "sissies" or "nerds."

  13. Charlotte says:
    Fri, 13th Aug 20105:54 am 

    "who says this girl isn’t paying for her own education just because her parents paid for her dorm stuff?"

    Maybe she is but I don't know many people who can independently finance tuition/expenses plus vacations in Mexico

  14. Gabrielle says:
    Fri, 13th Aug 201010:49 am 

    I'm pretty sure this is my favorite article I've seen on CollegeCandy EVER. Hahaha definitely adding a few things to my shopping list…

    Thanks Brittany!

  15. Miriam says:
    Fri, 13th Aug 20106:06 pm 

    @Raisin Girl–Agreed with pretty much every comment you've made. I wish there were people like you at my school.

  16. cissy yee says:
    Fri, 13th Aug 20108:14 pm 

    I also agree that it seems wrong to trick parents into buying things for you just to be a party girl. Of course, college is a learning experience not only in academics but also life and trying new things, but my parents cosigned loans for me that they're trying to help me pay off already by small amounts just so that I am not stuck all alone at graduation with a bill of $100,000 to pay. =/ I'm not about to piss it all away AND lie to them about the stupidest of things. Parents aren't stupid. They know you will drink in college. Just be an adult and admit it.

    My mother doesn't work her fingers to the bone so that I can waste her money and then not even be honest about it. This article is pretty immature.

  17. Michelle says:
    Tue, 17th Aug 20107:45 pm 

    this article is not mean to be completely serious. take a joke people!

    hilarious article brittany. good job :)

  18. Banana says:
    Thu, 19th Aug 201010:29 am 

    i thought this was pretty funny. only a couple of these items aren't something you would normally have on your college list anyways, so i dont understand why everyones getting all upset about asking your parents for extra things. i'm pretty sure we all need things like socks, sheets, and whiteout.

  19. Nicole says:
    Fri, 20th Aug 20104:26 pm 

    I don't see why people have to freak out about this article. It clearly wasn't written to be taken seriously. It's addressing the funnier less serious side of college. I don't know about you but I go on this site to take a break from the stress of school. As far as I'm concerned if you don't like the articles on the site then DON'T read them. Simple. This article has clearly been written for a certain group of people. Different strokes for different folks people.

  20. Brittany says:
    Sat, 21st Aug 201010:52 am 

    Ah, so is this an article on how to be a proficient slut in college, while mooching off your parents?

    So how do you disguise your next abortion when your birth control pills fail?

  21. M says:
    Tue, 24th Aug 20105:28 am 

    All of these ridiculous responses…whoa… just because there are sluts on YOUR campus and you don't call them out… does not mean that you have to find ANYONE on the internet who may have SOME vibes coherent to the people on your campus.

    Let's face it… even if you are in the most serious relationship in college some parents would love to shut their eyes and think you're not having sex! For most of you though, your parents KNOW YOU'RE HAVING SEX…you're not fooling them… they love you and want you to be safe. If your parents were against this– they would tell you to regulate your period with a calendar.

    If anything this article is very fun to read. I think I might use the soap thing.

  22. Sam Burgundy says:
    Thu, 25th Apr 20132:18 am 

    It's not just when you get to college that parents start buying undercover items. Many start all the way back in grade school. With all the stuff they buy, you'd sometimes think that they should also throw in enough bins for storage and organization while they're at it.

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