The Weekly Ten: Why It Sucks Living With the BF

Every week, I write a list. Not a to-do list (I feel like they’re always mocking me) or a grocery list (because “Jimmy John’s” isn’t really a list) or even that list (lord knows I wish I was updating that thing weekly….). No, my list is on whatever hard-hitting issue I find relevant at 11p.m. on Sunday night. And you know it doesn’t get more hard-hitting than Back to School season or awful summer “blockbusters,” right? Today’s big topic: living with the BF. Alright, ladies; stay with me.

About 90% of the time, I heart my boyfriend. He’s so great to me, he’s adorable and it’s just an all-around nice time being in a healthy, normal relationship. I love him. I love him. I really love him. (I just want to make sure I’m clear here.) I love him so much we’ve taken the big step to move in together, which made sense considering how much time he was staying over my apartment. So for the past few months it’s been me, him and my roommate (who’s one of my best friends from college) living in one two-bedroom apartment.

Most of the time, it’s awesome.

But sometimes it sucks.
Really, really sucks. Really, really, really sucks. And here are 10 reasons it isn’t always rainbows and butterflies when you’re living with the boyf:

10. Can’t be a slob-ka-bob

I’m admittedly not the neatest person in the world, but now that I share a bedroom with someone, I have to try and pick up my clothes, makeup, magazines and more clothes strewn around my room. Do I do it? Well….I try?

9. Sayanora, TrueBlood, Real Housewives and Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami

There’s nothing that gets my bf more worked up than my “stupid shows” that I happen to love. So now that he’s around all. the. time, my roommate and I can rarely sit through a 30 minute show on E! without getting an earful from the boy. Ugh.

8. No more late-night weeknights

Who doesn’t love going out on Mondays? Or staying out too late on a Thursday?

7. The Toilet Seat

It’s never, ever down. Which also brings us to…

6. 3 people, one bathroom.

Enough said.

5.The mystery is gone

My boyfriend is my roommate – he’s seen me roll out of bed at 6 AM, curled up on the couch when I’m sick and whining, and all of my underwear. Which aren’t all cute thongs from VS, btw.

4. No more ice cream for dinner

He is so judging me.

3. Sharing Expenses

While it might have seemed like an awesome idea at the time to lower rent and monthly payments, talking and sharing money can cause a lot of headaches and tummy aches (but that might’ve just been the ice cream for dinner).

2. Less QT

Believe it or not, it feels like I spend even less time with my boyfriend now that we live together. No more cutesy date nights when we could easily just watch a movie at home!

1. Never get to sleep alone again

Awww, actually that’s one of the reasons it rocks.



    1. The Raisin Girl says:

      As one girl who’s had a live-in boyfriend to another who is beginning to have one, continuing to cater to your boyfriend as much as it sounds like you’re doing will ruin your relationship in no time flat. Eventually, you will resent the fact that you’re not doing things you would normally do because he’s there. No really, you will. It doesn’t matter how much you love him, you will eventually begin to harbor the sneaking suspicion that you should still be able to do your thing the way you always have, with only a few space-related adjustments.

      You should be able to watch your TV shows. I think they all sound asinine, personally, but you should still be able to watch them without feeling harrassed by your boyfriend.

      You should also be able to go out and have fun if you want to, and eat what you want, even with your boyfriend there. I mean, seriously, if he’s seeing your rattiest pair of underwear, how much damage can ice cream for dinner do?

      What concerns me most is the reported lack of quality time and mystery. The mystery WILL go. It just has to, to some extent. But he can’t possibly know everything about you yet. My boyfriend lived with me for two years before he found out that I pretend I’m Joan Jett in concert while I’m driving. The quality time thing worries me more than the mystery, though. The mentality tends to be, “well, I see you every day anyway.” That’s a TERRIBLE way to go. Believe me, you will get sick of looking at his face if the only time you ever see it is within the mundane facts of everyday life with a roommate.

      I hate to sound like an advice column, but I really have just BEEN there. I lived with a boyfriend for three years, and our relationship became impossibly complicated because I no longer felt special, he couldn’t stand my living habits, I felt like I was doing all the giving, and he was stubborn as hell about money. The key thing is you have to be able to talk to him, calmly and effectively (no going in circles, yelling, crying and then making up without solving anything) about this stuff. You REALLY have to. If you can’t, then you can’t live together, at least not happily. Eventually you will drive each other away, and trust me: breaking up with a boyfriend who is also one of your roommates sucks in every way possible.

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    4. Alanna says:

      Lucky for my my boyfriend is a devoted True Blood fan (and a closet fan of all the Kardashian shows). I agree with the ice cream thing though. He says he doesn't care but I know, somewhere deep inside, he does.

    5. JennyJames says:

      I don't get why the the late weeknights are out, or why he can't let you watch trashy telly without moaning (as long as you let him watch die hard/football/whatever). The cutesy date night should totally carry on, me and my bf still do that at least once a week.

      As for no 5 I love that about living with my bf, I feel so comfortable around him and it's great! Doesn't stop me getting all dressed and made up some when I fancy it either!

    6. Star says:

      @The Raisin Girl: You need to take a deep breath and calm down. This column sounds fairly normal and it's very hard to take you seriously when you tell her that her boyfriend shouldn't judge the shows she watches and yet you do. You really except her boyfriend to stop making fun of her TV shows when you, a random internet stranger, can't even do it?

      Also you need to learn to turn off the caps lock key. Randomly choosing words to type in all caps pushes you more toward the crazy end and less toward the "this person might have good advice" end. She said her and her boyfriend talk about money, not fight about it. Stop reading so much into a fun and honest article like this.

    7. Tina says:

      @star I agree about the capslock… but I think there's a distinction to be made between disliking and judging. My bf sometimes watches trashy action films, I find them fairly mindless myself but I don't judge him for enjoying a bit of mindless entertainment. Personally I wouldn't want to be in a relationship where I felt I was being constantly appraised.

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    9. slw860 says:

      Thank you so much for this article. My bf and i just moved in together a month ago and so far so good. He's pretty non-judgemental so i don't htink that will be a problem. However i definitely have noticed that we seem to be seeing eachother less and spending less QT as well. It is so strange. But i do get that it SEEMS like quality time if you are lazing around together, but an effort should be made to do special things still. I liked Raisin Girl's advice. Obviously she is coming out of kind of a bad situation so is emotional about it, but it is still really good advice. I also agree that not much u do should change when he is around. However compromise is important as well. Thanks for the advice!

    10. Mary says:

      Haha. When it comes to TV watching, I do not get hooked to any shows at all (except for very few – 24, It's Always Sunny, NFL). My boyfriend is always watching something. Other thing I can't get is that he will watch them whenever he gets the chance. He blows through seasons like there's no tomorrow. Idk. I'm just not much of a TV watcher.

      Only other issue we have is making time away from each other. His friends have graduated and moved away, mine are still around but are ungodly busy with work and classes. It's getting better now that I am back in school though. One example in particular is when he comes home from work to grab his workout clothes and then leaves quick to go to the gym. It's hard for me because when he comes home I of course get excited to see him, then get bummed about him leaving. I know I need to be like, Ok go have fun! instead of being like, noooooooo don't leave! Arg. He should just remember his workout clothes and not stop at home. Be easier for me to deal with. Sex is kinda tied to this issue too. I'd like it if we had it once or twice a week, it usually happens around once every two weeks. I resort to "solo fun" and it just isn't the same as with him. And him not being as affectionate as I hope doesn't help either. I'm dealing with them day by day. Baby steps.

      Other than those things…it's great. He helps out, cooks most of the time (he makes GREAT dinners), makes sure we have time alone (I do appreciate it deep down), and does keep the seat down. In my year of living with him, I've only seen the seat up ONCE. And I don't even remind him of it.

    11. Hilda says:

      What's so wrong with sleeping alone ?
      Lord you are desperate.

      What can I tell you reap what you sow .

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