[The following post was written by dating coach, Kira Sabin, a keg of dating and relationship wisdom. She’s been helping people find love for years so we thought we’d tap this keg and see what sort of brilliant advice she has for the CollegeCandy readers. Drink up!]
OK ladies, we need to have a little tough love talk today. I hate to say it but sometimes I am a little confused by my own gender. As a coach I try to remain really neutral. I truly have met some amazing single men and women who make me want to be a better person. But the stories I have been hearing lately! Yikes.
A few times I have been out with my friend G and all of a sudden his Blackberry will light up. He will look at it and then shake his head. Once again, it is a woman who had a conversation with ONE evening and now she texts him 2 or 3 nights a week. Numerous times, while I have been in his presence, asking him to grab a drink. He has never said yes, he has never led her on or to believe that he is interested. Yet still, she texts and texts and texts.
One of my other clients has been waking up to texts daily with a woman he has been out with on TWO dates. Really?
Another client was told by a woman he had been on THREE dates with that he was not trying to maul her and obviously was not interested in her. Even though he is recently out of a major relationship, had his heart broken and wanted to take it slow. True story.
Here is the deal. These are great guys. Really great, but they have no idea how to deal with these situations and although these women could have been possibilities at some point, these guys are backed into a corner scratching their heads, wondering how to get the hell out. These are the types of guys you WANT to date. They are smart, funny, attractive, successful…the whole package. But coming on to them with the full court press has left them confused and even a little frightened. It is making it harder on the rest of single women everywhere and is certainly not going to get you quality dates.
Don’t misunderstand me. I regularly let women know how important it is to let men know you are interested because the slightly subtle signs you are sending are probably being missed and they are not sure whether to ask you out again or not. If they are confused that you are interested, lots of the great guys won’t stay around to figure it out. But just like politics, extremes are not welcome in dating. Assuming that just because you had a great conversation or a couple of good dates that this is going somewhere is just plain nutters and can take you from zero to crazy in less than 60 seconds.
As a dating coach I am the first one to admit this: we have made this love/relationship really, really complicated. Hell, we have made basic human interaction uncommon. We are so busy taking the easy way out through texting and Facebooking (which has a whole lot of its own issues), trying to connect the safe way that we all get tangled up in the wires. If you had a good meeting, date, etc. and make sure they know you are interested, take a deep breath and smile. Everyone moves at their own pace and constantly trying to make everyone move at your pace is going to leave you scratching your head as you pour another “woe is me” drink with your friends. Yes, it sucks to be stuck in that crappy ass nervous place waiting for a phone call, but do you really want to date someone that wasn’t willing to feel a little nervous for awhile for you?
Slow down. Think about it. Stop the regular texting…if they were interested they would call you. Please, for the good of all womankind.
[Looking to get more tips, tricks and just some damn good advice? Join me with CollegeCandy this January for our first College Candy Dating Makeover. Who’s excited?!]