JL says:
Fri, 20th Aug 20109:01 am 

It is a bit immature to be so picky on what job you want to apply for. When it comes to looking for a job, you have to take what you can. Even if you don't like it, maybe you'll get promoted to a better position.

Lauren - University says:
Fri, 20th Aug 20109:24 am 

I totally disagree. After spending 16+ years in school, it's a huge waste to take a job just to take one. If you have no choice, fine, but if your parents are willing to let you come home while you search for the job you have been preparing for, it doesn't make you less mature to do so. And you may not have all the responsibilities of an "adult" just yet, but that doesn't mean you are purposely avoiding them. Times are changing and with the job market the way it is, people are moving back home because they HAVE to, not just because they don't want to do their own laundry and pay the bills.

kafka says:
Fri, 20th Aug 201010:39 am 

If you do something you don't love, just to live, then whats the point in life?

Danielle says:
Fri, 20th Aug 201011:01 am 

@ L and JL, I think you guys are off base. It's not being immature or not an adult to live at home with your parents for a while especially in this economy. Even if you do just take what you can get in terms of a job, there's a good chance the pay won't be high enough to support living on your own. And who says that people living at home aren't taking little side jobs as they look for THE job that they've been waiting for? And yes, sometimes you have to start at the bottom, but it should be at the bottom of something that you actually will enjoy when you get promoted.

Having your dream job may not be the most realistic goal, but that doesn't mean you should settle for misery either. There's nothing wrong with going for something you enjoy, especially after you've earned it and graduated from college.

grace b says:
Fri, 20th Aug 201011:25 am 

I think that for me, the goal is to take the lessons you've learned in college and USE them. For a lot of people, seeing someone moving back home after college is just a way of saying that you're not ready for "the real world". And I completely agree that we should all aim to take a job that is the best choice for us. But I know that for me, I don't want to be living at home next summer after I graduate. Even if I'm living in a house with four other girls and working at Dunkin Donuts, at least I'll be learning the lessons of rent, bills and life away from my parents that are going to serve me somewhere else in life. I see college as I time to really work at becoming more self sufficient (as much as one can in the college environment) and at least being ready to move out and grow up a bit.

L says:
Fri, 20th Aug 201012:41 pm 

“we aren’t looking for just any job- we are looking for jobs that make us happy, fulfilled. And that takes a little longer.

Does that mean we’re less “grown up”?”

Yes. Being a grown up means doing what you have to do. Being a kid is marked by doing what you want to do regardless of the consequences. If you’re choosing to live at home and be supported by your parents when you could have a full-time job and live on your own, you are NOT a grown up. Not necessarily immature, but definitely not an adult.

And that was the whole point of the NYTimes article. I didn’t find it at all condescending. In fact, I thought most of the people interviewed were very sympathetic. You’re right, the act of being in college and being a 20-something have changed in the past 30 or so years. Being an adult certainly doesn’t mean being married or having kids or owning a home anymore.

But being a grown up is certainly contingent on having a full-time job (even if it’s at Starbucks) and living on your own.

Katee says:
Sat, 21st Aug 20107:38 pm 

I completely agree. I think staying at home and searching for a job you'll want is a mature decision right now. The way the economy is it's hard enough to find any job at all, never mind one you'll love. But having something that makes you money (to save for a house, or that marriage and children or pay off loans or whatever have you) while you search for a job (which is probably being occupied by someone of the generation who wrote the article in the NY Times) is an incredibly smart, and mature thing to do. We may not be full fledged adults, but I think the decisions many of us are making are intelligent and mature.

aprilmayparker says:
Sun, 22nd Aug 201011:30 pm 

I also agree with Brittany here. I definitely see where the author of the NYTimes article is coming from, but the reality (at least for me), is that priorities have changed for 20-somethings in 2010 as opposed to 20-somethings in 1950. We have so much more opportunities available than our parents or grandparents and having the option to choose has really allowed us to take our time, and realize what's right for us.

To be honest, I'd rather be taking my time and finding something I truly love rather than jump into a career that I hate. It's true that we can't be picky about the jobs and opportunities that jump at us in our lives…but then again (like a previous commentator had mentioned,) what is a life worth if it's not doing something we love?

Alicia says:
Mon, 23rd Aug 20106:17 am 

This article really shed light on a topic that is really frustrating to me. It seems that the same people who told us 20-somethings to strive to succeed and go for our goals are telling us that we are expecting too much. What happened to the, work hard and and sometimes harder and you will do well?

I realize that experience is something that older generations have and no matter how hard 20-somethings work we will not have that. It is important to respect older generations, but I also think it is important for there to be a mutual respect that technology and lifestyles have changed and some of these hard working 20-something really know what's going on. Maybe older generations are feeling threatened by all that's changing or maybe just not feeling respected, but regardless of the issue, instead of working against each other both groups should be working together.

Jenn says:
Mon, 23rd Aug 201011:16 am 

Your dream job isn't going to jump out at you. You're going to have to work hard to get there – and yes, sometimes that means taking a job you're not really interested in and working your way up (or at least making contacts). Who knows? Maybe you'll end up doing something that you like ever better, but you won't know if you rule it out because it's not "exactly" what you're looking for. Employers want to see that you have a strong work ethic. Consider if you were hiring for a position… would you want the 23 year old who worked at Starbucks until something better came along, or the 23 year old who lived on their parents couch until this 'dream job' fell into their lap.

I think the only problem with 20-somethings is that we all have different ideas of success and failure. And, to me, moving back in with Mom and Dad when I 'could' have a job means failure.

EvoSero says:
Tue, 24th Aug 201010:29 am 

The difference is that past generations were told what made them happy, and generations now are trying to decide for themselves.

Post-secondary education was not a requirement as it is now. Skilled trades were not looked down upon as they are now. Jobs paid more relatively with room for advancement and decent benefits, unlike many jobs now.

Getting married and having kids is not considered satisfactory for a successful life in modern times. You can't get a job at 20 and expect to work up through the ladder over your career, earning a pension and supporting a family.

But it's not that people are staying at home unemployed. The workforce has a lot to blame, where there is often little focus on management training and efficiency. The result is a workforce that forces you to jump around more than you used to where you can get into a position that doesn't doom you to being a <$30k monkey for 10 years.

juliette says:
Wed, 25th Aug 20101:50 pm 

Are you kidding? Really, are you kidding? Striving for what you want doesn't mean that you can't take care of yourself while you do it. Living off of your parents isn't the only option,you know. You can live on your own or share with roommates – like many of us did – while you work at a job AND STILL CONTINUE to work towards your dream. Because you are living off of your parents and that is the childish part. Being an adult means being willing to pay for and really work for what you want. The idea that you should live at home and let your parents support you while you try to find what you want is what makes people suggest that you're not grown up.

You should reach for your dreams but other people shouldn't have to pay for it. AYou can do both if you're willing to work for what you want but it is probably easier to sit at home and let someone else pay for it.

By the way, being an adult also doesn't mean looking down on other people as the person who suggests that skilled trades are "looked down on" suggests. Who is looking down on them? This idea that the "older" generation all toils at things they don't like or that other people dictated what happiness is suggests that you might not be acquainted with a wide range of people or perspectives. Yeah, the world has changed in many ways but that's still not an excuse to be self indulgent, lazy, or dismissive of anyone who doesn't agree with you.

chris says:
Fri, 27th Aug 20107:45 am 

ABSOLUTELY 100% agree with the author and this article. This resonated so deeply with me—really hit home. I really needed to hear that I am not alone. Thank you for encouraging me (especially since today is my last day at the job I hate!). With no other job lined up, I decided to forgo my current job and live at home until I figured out what I really wanted to do. I have been doubting all day that I made the right choice and was forgetting the rationale I once had for initially wanting to leave. I found the perspective I needed right here. Thank you.

Lisa says:
Sun, 29th Aug 201010:17 am 

So disagree with the author…you can still look for a different job when you have one, you know. It's not like….get a job and that's it. that's your job forever. Being an adult to me is supporting yourself, not counting on mommy and daddy to pay for you to live…I'm sorry, I realize a lot of people do this, but I hate people blaming the economy for not getting a job. So your first job out of school wont be your ideal job maybe…get over it. Do your time. Work, support yourself, get a life (a grown up one where you grocery shop and pay bills and clean) and keep looking for your dream job. It's really immature of people of our generation to think that they can just sit on their asses and let mom and dad foot the bill till they have their 'dream job'. also..for that dream job you probably need EXPERIENCE as well as the education…If I was hiring people and I saw a person who'd worked their way through school, and worked at maybe a lower caliber job for awhile and then i saw an applicant who had gaps in their resume and clearly had graduated and spent a year 'looking'…I would choose the one who'd been working.

brittany says:
Mon, 6th Sep 201012:06 pm 

This whiny article only reinforces what the NYT article was talking about. Sponging off your parents is not grown up, no matter how justified *you* think it is. Making excuses about it is even less grown up.

Look at this: "I am not lazy, immature or shirking my responsibilities." Yeah, because you HAVE no responsibilities! I'm guessing you're not paying those student loans off yourself with your "occasional freelance blogging." Not everyone has the option to sit around at home waiting for the "perfect" job to descend from the heavens. This site needs to have some material from people who weren't born with a silver spoon up their ass once in a while. I'm slowly working my way through college while living on my own and working full time because my parents absolutely CANNOT afford to support me.

krentz says:
Sun, 17th Oct 20105:47 am 

Quite frankly, I couldn't give a toss whether I'm considered an adult or not. It seems to me as though much of the time whenever people refer to 'adulthood' they do so in a very conservative, masochistic, "this is the real world now buckle on down to it no matter how crap it is" sense.

To me, the essence of adulthood is strength, self-sufficiency and self reliance. To that end, I would say that the 'adult' course of action would be to get a job doing pretty much anything (that is not going to leave you feeling depressed at any rate) so you are supporting yourself, while taking steady steps towards getting the job you really want. Working looks good on your CV anyway, employers like to see proactivity and a 'work ethic'.

Though, I won't measure myself in terms of how 'adult' I am, seeing that some children can be very mature and some adults have a seriously off-kilter worldview. Over the years, as far as personal development is concerned, I intend to retain the essence of childhood – that humbling existential awe and quality of imagination – and aspire to the ideals of an adult life – a self-sufficient and self-created existence. The mundanities and necessities of that life are just that – not something I strive towards.

At the end of the day, I adapt to situations. Compromise is a key word. I'm working now because I have to support both myself and my mother, due to difficult familial circumstances. I can't afford not to work, nor do I wish to become trapped in unemployment. I don't do so out of some inwardly felt obligation to "grow up". Prior to this I was looking for work unsuccessfully for about a year, and yes, I was searching seriously, unlike some of my similarly aged peers. Still contributed some of my benefit to my board, of course, but sponging off the taxpayer never did feel comfortable.

If that makes me immature, then immature I shall be.

…Such bitterness in some of these comments.

emmanuel says:
Thu, 11th Nov 20105:29 pm 

"Adulthood" is just a concept. . You don't really have to hurry into all this stuff just because most of the last generation did. This is probably why many adults today are screwed up, because they rushed into what's called "Adulthood". I'm not saying you should sit at your house, do what you want , and leave your responsibilities to your parents. No, you should have a plan and pursue it . You make your desired future life a reality when you work towards what's necessary to make it a reality. So stay focused and keep moving.

Sen says:
Tue, 19th Apr 20117:38 pm 

Well, if you read the rest of the Times article, the commentators agree with you.. Just because there's a new middle adulthood does not mean 20-somethings are not considered adults, it just means that the definition of adulthood is changing. The author even goes on to say that this could potentially be a good thing, because 20-somethings are likely to be more passionate about (and therefore better) at their jobs… Easy, mate.

Sen says:
Tue, 19th Apr 20117:46 pm 

From the article:
“To be a young American today is to experience both excitement and uncertainty, wide-open possibility and confusion, new freedoms and new fears,” he writes in “Emerging Adulthood.” During the timeout they are granted from nonstop, often tedious and dispiriting responsibilities, “emerging adults develop skills for daily living, gain a better understanding of who they are and what they want from life and begin to build a foundation for their adult lives.” If it really works that way, if this longer road to adulthood really leads to more insight and better choices, then Arnett’s vision of an insightful, sensitive, thoughtful, content, well-honed, self-actualizing crop of grown-ups would indeed be something worth waiting for. "

See, no reason to get reactive and offended. Read the article before you whine so rashly.

Anonymous says:
Sat, 16th Jul 20117:40 pm 

My first job straight out of college was working retail, which did not pay enough to support 'getting a life'. It didn't pay enough for rent+food+college bills+car+insurance, etc, etc, etc.
The narcissism of the earlier generations never ceases to amaze me. It took 10 years (all the while paying for all my bills save rent) to get my own apartment, and that in the seedy side of town. Back in their day, they could still get jobs without a high school diploma! Now you need a masters' degree to keep from wearing a tag with your name on it. And that experience you need to get your dream job is probably being provided by somebody overseas working for less than a tenth of what an American is paid. Get current, lady! You write like a grandmother!