Single. And Liking a Boy
I have never understood how some girls get so nervous around boys they’re crushing on. I’d never experienced it personally… until not. And wow, I really don’t like this feeling!
Some back story is needed here: OK so, there was this boy (we’ll call him Matt) who I kind of had the tiniest crush on during the school year, but he had a girlfriend at the time. He was in student government with me, and in one of the fraternities on campus. We were definitely acquaintances, but it’s not like we were old pals. I hadn’t thought about him in ages.
Fast forward to three weeks ago. I’m running errands around campus when I see that one of the Indian restaurants nearby is doing a 50% off deal for the rest of the summer. Awesome, right? So I stop in to grab some food to go, and while I’m trying to remember which kind of Indian vegetables I like (for some reason I can NEVER remember), Matt comes out from the back of the restaurant. I hadn’t seen him almost all summer, and he was so happy to see me. We end up talking pleasantly for a few minutes. Not a big deal, I didn’t think twice about it.
Well, this past weekend, I had a really big meeting I had to present at and I was going to go to Starbucks to sit outside and go over my notes before my presentation. On the way, though, I passed the Indian food place and I realized that I hadn’t eaten yet! And I mean, really, how can I turn down delicious Indian food for 50% off? Answer: I couldn’t. So I walked back in there, and I’m once again mulling over my vegetable choices while the guy at the register makes fun of me. And, once again, Matt comes out from the back of the restaurant to talk to me.
Another customer needed Matt’s attention, so I go sat on the patio outside to go over my notes. I was so lost in thought that I didn’t even notice when Matt sat down to keep me company. We ended up talking for another half hour, until I realized that I had to leave right away to make it to my meeting on time.
I left a little confused and, despite my rational mind telling me to prepare for my presentation, I couldn’t stop thinking about what had just happened. On one hand, it was really fun to talk to him; I don’t think I’ve ever talked to him so much in the whole time I’ve vaguely known him. And he came to sit with me. That’s a pretty big deal, especially since he was at work and could have gotten in trouble, right? He was also really nice to me… but he does have the reputation of being one of the nicest guys around campus. In fact, word on the street is that his ex thought he was TOO nice and is now dating more of a bad boy. But for me, a nice guy is exactly what I want right now…
And with that (and all during my big meeting), my little crush on Matt was definitely back in full force.
So imagine my surprise (and total girly excitement) when I ran into him today at the campus bookstore. It was good to see him, we talked briefly, but I froze. Like really, completely froze. OK, so it’s not like a random stranger would have noticed that I was acting weird, but I was getting books with my best friend and I don’t think she’s ever seen me so quiet and shy.
I left the bookstore SO mad at myself because I had really hoped that the next time we talked we could casually set up a time to hang out, or at least exchange numbers. But instead, I froze like Heidi Montag’s facial features. I had never had it happen to me before, and I’ve always thought other people were being so silly and scared when this happened to them! But now I get it. And I hate myself for it. It’ll probably be a while before I run into him again, and I am mad that I choked. I don’t have the slightest clue what came over me!
I tend to be pretty safe in my love life – probably too safe if you ask most of my friends. I don’t want to get hurt again, and I know that at some point I’m going to have to get over that fear. I’m also a little bit old fashioned in that I think the boy should make the first move most of the time (honestly, I would prefer all the time) because I think that if a boy likes me, then he will make the effort to date me.
But my best friend made a really good point when she said that he might have no idea that I like him, because just like how he is friendly to everyone, so am I. And as an outsider, he might’ve attributed my quiet attitude to me being not being interested. Part of me really, really, REALLY wants to casually ask him to hang out sometime soon, but I don’t even know how to do that! I’ve always envied the girls who have the guts to make the first move. I don’t think I’m one of those brave souls, but just for this week I’d like to be. I’m fed up with being shy, and I’m still mad at myself for not asking out mystery ATM boy.
I know that a part of me wants to ask him out for sure, but the other part of me is WAY too scared to do anything about it. And it’s that uncertainty (and the fact that it’s all I can think about) that I hate most about being a single girl. The not knowing whether or not he’s even slightly interested is throwing me for a loop. I feel like I’m back in middle school where I just want to find out from his friends (by passing them a note) if he’s been talking about me.
Clearly, that isn’t an option. And my current status of sitting around overanalyzing everything doesn’t seem to be such a stellar route either. But what is?!