Stop With the Nicknames, Sweetheart

August 30, 2010 5:00 pm     Posted in Buzz  Alexandra Gehringer g+ page


By Alexandra Gehringer

A new study has found that women get royally pissed when they’re given a nickname in the office.  No, they’re not talking about that time your boss got drunk at the holiday party and called you Tits McGee.  The names included on the no-no list ranged from the benign “kiddo” to the slightly more (okay, a lot more) bizarre “poppet”.  While the study was conducted on women of various ages in the workforce, I do suspect this aversion to causal titles had to have stemmed from somewhere.  Perhaps a too-friendly college professor?  A nagging group of guy friends?  A fake-nice roommate from hell?

Becoming so drastically offended by someone referring to a peer as “dear” (also on the list at #8), just seems a little extreme to me.  I know you’re all probably envisioning some grotesque, perverted, middle-aged dude with a heavy breathing problem leering at you while rasping, “Hey darlin’ (#2) , bend over. I think I dropped my pen.”  And yes, that would be gross.

But imagine these more likely offenders: A professor who’s become a close mentor, the dude you’ve been best friends with since middle school, the precious old lady at the cafeteria register.  The study never indicated whether the coworkers in question were male or female, older or younger.  Does that mean there’s some sort of double standard for nicknames?  It’s okay for a female professor to dub you “hun” (#5) but not your male TA?  The girl down the hall can call you “Chick” (#7) but definitely not that guy from last night?  Where do we draw the line on all this nonsense?

And with that I ask you, what’s the big deal with a nickname?  So long as no one’s calling you Hoochie Mama or Busted Slut, is slipping an innocent “love” (#1!!) in here or there such a crime?  I think it’s time we relax a little and start sprinkling in a few nicknames of our own.  That’s right, I’m lookin’ at you, killer.

20 Comments on "Stop With the Nicknames, Sweetheart"

  1. JL says:
    Mon, 30th Aug 201012:22 pm 

    I just find it condescending. If someone where to call me "kiddo" in the office, I would perceive that person to be looking down on me for whatever reason.

  2. Linda says:
    Mon, 30th Aug 20102:07 pm 

    Interesting, never knew people were offended by names like that.

    I do it to just about everyone…darling, love, hun, sweetie, doll… ehh, sorry I guess? Lol, def. not meant to be condescending..

  3. Samantha says:
    Mon, 30th Aug 20102:25 pm 

    I can undertsand this somewhat. Like if they were condescending about it, but where I'm from almost EVERYONE refers to EVERYONE by nicknames like "hun" or "dear" no matter the gender of person they're talking to lol

  4. Anna says:
    Mon, 30th Aug 20103:47 pm 

    But what if people are only referring to women as "love" and "dear" and "sweetheart"? How often do men get given pet names? It's condescending because it's only directed at women, implying that they are softer and sweeter and reinforcing gender roles.

  5. JL says:
    Mon, 30th Aug 20103:50 pm 

    Yeah where I'm from no one gets a nickname but when I do get called a nickname (depending on who its from too)I'm just a tiny bit offended because I feel they are trying to lower me into a little kid.

  6. Syd says:
    Mon, 30th Aug 20103:59 pm 

    I scrolled up to check, and sure enough, you're from the South. That explains a lot. Every time a northerner complains about this, a southerner starts snipping. Fact is, it's a difference in dialect, and furthermore, it's sexist. In addition to, when you aren't in the south, it's INCREDIBLY CONDESCENDING AND RUDE to refer to people. Even if you don't mean anything by it. Even if 'well, that's just how we talk here.' If someone does not like strangers and coworkers throwing 'endearing' little terms at them, you should not be so rude and presumptuous to continue to call them out of their name. This was also probably 'studied' because women get this SO much more than men. Indicating that it's probably an issue of sexism. Some of the terms, I've heard applied to men (hun, dear). But kiddo? Poppet? Chick? Those are explicitly aimed at females, they're condescending, and the first two demean women not only to below that status of men, but to the status of a small child. I'm not a kid, I'm a grown woman, and if anyone, much less someone I barely know, called me 'kiddo?' Yeah, they're automatically on my shit list.

  7. Cassidy says:
    Mon, 30th Aug 20104:29 pm 

    I am offended when people at my work- especially men, call me "sweetie" or "sweetheart." To me it means that they are not taking my work and expertise very seriously. It's condescending and offensive.

  8. Alex- University of says:
    Mon, 30th Aug 20105:37 pm 

    Hey Syd- While I went to school in the South, I'm actually born and raised in New Jersey.

    Thanks for the insight, though.

  9. Linda says:
    Mon, 30th Aug 20106:58 pm 

    & I'm from Brooklyn & honestly no one has ever said shit about it being condescending…and trust me New Yorkers aren't known to bite their tongues. I also have a male (straight) friend who does the same thing. I suppose it's all about delivery?

  10. skewed says:
    Mon, 30th Aug 20107:34 pm 

    I think my problem with your argument is that you took a study focused on the office place and then applied it to other areas of life. It totally makes sense that a woman (or really anyone) would not like being called a "pet" name by a superior, or (even worse) someone trying to sound superior. Obviously when "the dude you’ve been best friends with since middle school" uses a nickname it's a different circumstance; they've earned that right in a way. Condescension is all about inferiority/superiority complexes and with a nickname, I think someone's personal sense of inferiority (in the office, for example…..) could be projected onto a dislike of nicknames.

  11. Alison says:
    Mon, 30th Aug 20107:49 pm 

    I hate being called Princess

  12. Syd says:
    Mon, 30th Aug 20107:52 pm 

    @ Alex; this dialect isn't restrained to the south, just most common there. IDK how people talk in New Jersey. But the people I usually see grumping about people not wanting to be called 'hun' and the like often use the 'well, I'm from the south' excuse.

    And something skewed reminded me of that I didn't touch on: yes, it DOES matter who uses the pet name. My best friend from middle school isn't my boss or a complete stranger. A childhood best friend is familiar with you, knows your comfort zone and sense of humor. My best friend from that age calls me Fatass on a regular basis, and I think nothing of a nickname spawning from absurd jokes we made when we were 11. That doesn't mean the cashier at the cafeteria, much less a person I'm dealing with in a professional setting, should call me Fatass. Or anything other than my name, unless I request otherwise. It's unprofessional, if nothing else.

  13. Jenna says:
    Tue, 31st Aug 20105:33 am 

    At work its condescending to be called 'kiddo' and sexist if a male superior calls you 'hun' or 'sweetheart' and I think that's what the study was referring too. However you can't then relate it to other real world examples. My brother calls me 'kiddo' and it's endearing and I always call my best friends 'hun' and my niece 'sweetheart' and that's OKAY.

  14. Celia says:
    Tue, 31st Aug 20106:36 am 

    I'm born and raised in Texas, and every single person in my life has called me "baby", "sweetheart", "babe", "doll", or some variant of those. It's never been considered condescending here, but again, it's a dialect thing I suppose. I know if you don't know someone's name, "sweetheart" to me is much more respectful than "Hey, you".

  15. JL says:
    Tue, 31st Aug 20108:12 am 

    I'm from Jersey as well and at work if someone says "tot" or "tike," I don't take it as sexist but more as an age issue. Yes I may be younger than others but my age does not indicate (for the most part) what I am capable of. Even if you say "hun" or "sweetheart" that's not a term you use with someone who is older especially if that person is a man. (I'm talking about the workplace here)

  16. criolle johnny says:
    Wed, 1st Sep 20102:43 am 

    Raised in the bayou country I have a habit of addressing younger women as "petti". It means "little one". It's not a put down, it's a term an older brother or an uncle would use.

    I tend to use the term UNTIL introduced.

    Pardon me for being Southern.

  17. JL says:
    Wed, 1st Sep 20104:16 am 

    Yeah but I bet women don't have have a "term of endearment" for a younger man.

  18. Laurie anderson says:
    Mon, 27th Sep 20104:38 am 

    I don't mind at all if people call me endearments, it doesn't mean anything to me, if I even notice they did it at all, it'd have to be one I hadn't heard at all and if, a big fat if, it was one that particularly offended me, I'd just think the person was a massive idiot.

    I agree with what someone wrote earlier, that 'sweetheart' is more friendly than 'you'. Though I guess sometimes I do say 'you' in a cheeky way. And JL, I work with heaps of guys younger than me and constantly refer to them as 'gorgeous', 'hotstuff' or 'rockstar' and that seems to work. I also say this stuff to women. I think it's all about the delivery.

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