What happened to the days when the most intense things to happen in a relationship was a game of Twister? Oh my goodness, Mary is practically on top of Bobby! Scandalous! OK, maybe I’m being a little over-dramatic. But, dating throughout the years has definitely changed. And one of the underlying factors for the dating transformation?
Besides the confusing text messages and application overload, technology has been a positive presence in my life. And, following in the footsteps of socializing, shopping and consuming information, the dating world has taken a cannonball-esque dive into the deep waters of technological communication. Now you can use technology to do just about anything that has to do with dating….or “dating.” A year ago, I would never believe that one day I’d be able to ring a bell on my phone when I wanted to let my friends know that I was gettin’ some. But it’s happened, along with a few other “advancements” in dating.
This application is so special because you can finally (silently) voice your victories under the sheets. So, when your buddies are searching for your existence and calling you non-stop – instead of sending a text about your down under adventures, you can simply type their number and ring the booty gong. I can see the new phrase now, “I don’t mean to toot ring my own horn gong, but…we got freaky last night.”
Right when you think your sexual skills have gone amiss, iPhone has you covered. Because the new Passion application actually rates your sexy time skills. How does it rate, you ask? Well, based on duration and power (thanks to the iPhone’s built in accelerometer) and the volume of your “feedback.” Like the Olympics, it gives you a score out of ten on your efforts. And get this: you can compare with other singles around the world(!!) My advice for getting a Passion perfect ten? Lots of intense movement and screaming your name as loud as you can. Now, get to work.
This mobile application automatically pinpoints your location and provides you with all of the imaginable erotic resources near you. Also included: a personalized and interactive ‘Passion Map’ of your current location. With your helpful ‘Passion Map’ you can be directed to all of the nearest singles, couples, peepshows and special clubs. Whew, if that won’t keep you busy I don’t know what will.
With this handy dandy application, boys are finally able to show they truly care. This application allows you to set up automated text messages to your loved one(s) based on your specified “dating criteria” (AKA relationship seriousness). The messages will be automatically sent – based on the criteria – once or twice a month. In an “Advanced Settings” feature, you can specify eye color, anniversaries and birthdays (you know, so the messages are extra personal). Want an example? Here: “Diana, did you know we started dating 38 months and 3 days ago?”
Please Diana, make it stop before you hit 38 months and 4 days.
Elite Text Game
It’s time to welcome the ‘sexy chat message generator’ for singles! Hoorah. Within this application is a healthy concoction of 60+ previously constructed unique and hilarious text messages. I don’t know what they are but I can only hope they sound better than the 2am “where arre yoiu? letsdd do it” texts I’m apparently a huge fan of.
Well, this one should almost explain itself. Thanks to our buddy Mr.Woods, an application has been created that automatically deletes all of those unwanted texts (and nudey photos) as soon as they are viewed. All of the cheaters out there, raise your glasses to the Tigertext.