The Bachleor Pad: It’s Time for Superlatives!

By Alexandra Gehringer

Monday’s Bachelor Pad was a lot like prom.  There were tears, there was less sex than was anticipated, and the unpopular kids went home early.

In a low move, even for Chris Harrison, the contestants were asked to select members of the house that best fit various nasty descriptions: Worst Boob Job, Most Shallow, Always a Bridesmaid Never a Bride (ouch!), etc.  Some titles were deserved, others not so much.

In the spirit of the most shameless BP challenge yet, I thought I’d go ahead and revamp the challenge a little.  Here I share with you my votes for…

Biggest Tool
Dave.  The guy really loves himself, right?  Like, excessively.  At first I found his cockiness kinda charming.  You know, in the way that binge eating candy corn seems like a “good idea at the time.”  But much my trials with a certain Halloween treat, David became too much of a good thing and now pretty much just makes me want to barf.

Most Undeserving of a Bad Reputation
Krisily.  She’s outspoken.  That’s about it, but for some reason it’s left the guys terrified and the girls completely in attack mode.  Personally, I think there are bigger bitches who should have left instead. Also, her boobs are fake, right? And if I can’t tell, there’s no way that’s a bad boob job.

Most Disappointing
Jesse B.  Come on, kiddo, what were you thinking?  The burp was one thing; the burp I might have been able to let slide.  But trying to pick Peyton’s nose…that was a bad move.  Then you had to go and mix vodka in with your champagne.  Was it nerves?  Was it disinterest?  Was it a mix of straight-up disrespect and stupidity?  Peyton and I both thought we found a catch with you.  But after seeing your bag of tricks, I’d rather have dinner with Dog the Bounty Hunter.

Class Cry Baby
Tenley.  I don’t care if she sh*ts rainbows and is an ex-Disney Princess, am I the only one who thinks she’s a big faker?  She’s in it to win the money and Kiptyn, no matter what.

The Shocker
KOVACS.  So now he’s in love with Elizabeth.  The girl with the botched boob job.  The girl who was more horrifyingly territorial than a dog pissing on trees.  The girl who has manipulated him like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction.  Okay, so this episode taught me that if you stalk a dude long enough and keep telling him you love him, then eventually it’ll pay off and you’ll ride into the sunset be laughing your way to the bank.

Most Changed
Wes.  If you saw him on Jillian’s season, you didn’t like the guy.  He had a girlfriend, was in it for self-promotion, just wanted to get laid.  Whatever.  But look at him now!  Easily one of the most decent guys on the show, I was totally sad to see him leave.  (And Kiptyn, don’t think I’m buying your Mr. Nice Guy shtick for a minute.)

While I know Chris told us not to cheat and share answers, I’m dying to know on which side of the fence you ladies fall.  Share your thoughts in the comments!