The Post-Grad Journey: Something’s Missing
I was one of those kids that never really got homesick when I was in college. While my friends would have occasional breakdowns and cry about not being with their families or their hometown friends, I never spent too much time dwelling on what I could have been missing at home – I was too busy doing everything else. But now, as a fully functioning member of real life, I think I’m suffering from my first adult case of homesickness.
Maybe it’s the advent of fall or just the general time of year – back to school – but everything just feels off. While everyone on the East coast is talking about the leaves starting to change, I’m anxiously awaiting for some kind of sign that a seasonal change is about to take place. While I’m looking to head back to school next year, Facebook is blowing up with status updates about first day of classes, professor quotes, and new discoveries out in the real world.
And as the world turns, well – I just feel like something is missing.
Despite running around like a chicken with its head cut off interning in Los Angeles and studying wayyyy more than I ever did in college for one little test known as the LSAT, I feel like what little downtime I have is making me feel like I’m missing something out there – but I can’t necessarily put my finger on it.
Yes, college is over. No more Solo cup littered lawns, boys in bowties for no reason, the dining hall’s Swedish meatballs, the anxious anticipation for traditions, and the engaging class discussions. It’s over, and I don’t really wish I could do it over again. So, what is this feeling? Maybe my body feels like I should be back in some hardwood floored dorm room watching the leaves fall onto the quad, and it hasn’t synched with my mind that certainly knows I don’t really want to be there.
Maybe I’m just waiting for something to happen. This whole LSAT process involves a lot of practice – a lot of constant build up. Since things are up in the air until my mailbox has admissions letters, maybe this feeling will stick around – and I should just accept it. But boy, it’s making me homesick, and living out in California is one of the most interesting experiences. Some days, I feel like the luckiest person alive – living mere minutes from the beach. And then other days, I feel like I’m being swallowed by this soulless place.
Knowing this humors me though. The minute I go back home, whether it’s to live or to visit, I know I will be ready to leave again. To find something new. Maybe everything I wanted was right in front of me throughout the last four years, and now everything I want is scattered across the United States – including myself.
All in all, this dilemma of homesickness and the feelings of something missing makes me think everything I’ve ever read about being a twenty-something is right: you really are always on the search for something, and there’s no one telling you how or when or where you’ll find it.
So maybe that’s what I’m homesick for – the certainty and routine that life in college can provide. Well, that and 3-day weekends. Those were nice.