The Post-Grad Journey: Something’s Missing

September 7, 2010 2:00 pm     Posted in College, Reality  Charlsie Niemiec g+ page


By Charlsie Niemiec

I was one of those kids that never really got homesick when I was in college. While my friends would have occasional breakdowns and cry about not being with their families or their hometown friends, I never spent too much time dwelling on what I could have been missing at home – I was too busy doing everything else. But now, as a fully functioning member of real life, I think I’m suffering from my first adult case of homesickness.

Maybe it’s the advent of fall or just the general time of year – back to school – but everything just feels off. While everyone on the East coast is talking about the leaves starting to change, I’m anxiously awaiting for some kind of sign that a seasonal change is about to take place. While I’m looking to head back to school next year, Facebook is blowing up with status updates about first day of classes, professor quotes, and new discoveries out in the real world.

And as the world turns, well – I just feel like something is missing.

Despite running around like a chicken with its head cut off interning in Los Angeles and studying wayyyy more than I ever did in college for one little test known as the LSAT, I feel like what little downtime I have is making me feel like I’m missing something out there – but I can’t necessarily put my finger on it.

Yes, college is over. No more Solo cup littered lawns, boys in bowties for no reason, the dining hall’s Swedish meatballs, the anxious anticipation for traditions, and the engaging class discussions. It’s over, and I don’t really wish I could do it over again. So, what is this feeling? Maybe my body feels like I should be back in some hardwood floored dorm room watching the leaves fall onto the quad, and it hasn’t synched with my mind that certainly knows I don’t really want to be there.

Maybe I’m just waiting for something to happen. This whole LSAT process involves a lot of practice – a lot of constant build up. Since things are up in the air until my mailbox has admissions letters, maybe this feeling will stick around – and I should just accept it.  But boy, it’s making me homesick, and living out in California is one of the most interesting experiences. Some days, I feel like the luckiest person alive – living mere minutes from the beach. And then other days, I feel like I’m being swallowed by this soulless place.

Knowing this humors me though. The minute I go back home, whether it’s to live or to visit, I know I will be ready to leave again. To find something new.  Maybe everything I wanted was right in front of me throughout the last four years, and now everything I want is scattered across the United States – including myself.

All in all, this dilemma of homesickness and the feelings of something missing makes me think everything I’ve ever read about being a twenty-something is right: you really are always on the search for something, and there’s no one telling you how or when or where you’ll find it.

So maybe that’s what I’m homesick for – the certainty and routine that life in college can provide. Well, that and 3-day weekends. Those were nice.

9 Comments on "The Post-Grad Journey: Something’s Missing"

  1. S says:
    Tue, 7th Sep 20109:40 am 

    I felt exactly the same way you did the first fall after graduating from college. Even though I decided to stay on the East Coast in the same apartment from college (I'm originally form Northern CA) it still felt the same way. Like you I didn't have a full time job to really occupy me, my boyfriend was far away in Japan, and I was studying for the GREs. I was lonely, lost and terribly confused, I had done everything right in college, why couldn't I get a job or at least some sort of stability?

    Eventually, things started working out, I traveled to Japan to see my boyfriend (and he returned to the States), slowly managed to get a good job that would set me up well for applying to graduate schools and generally found a real direction in life. But, its true, there is really nothing worse than that first fall after graduating from college. Its not so much that I wanted to go back to school, and I'm still glad that I waited a full year before applying to grad schools. But, it just feels off somehow.

    In either case, as things start to materialize and solidify, things will start to get better and feel more permanent. I actually think that there was something good about that fall, I think that it made me tougher, stronger and more will to work as hard I have to in order to get what I want out of life. I think that it makes you into a real adult, someone who doesn't have this life given to her, but has to work really hard to make it happen.

    Anyways, good luck!

  2. Anonymous says:
    Tue, 7th Sep 201011:59 am 

    "This soulless place"? Such a cliche. Los Angeles is what you make of it; if you surround yourself with superficial people (as you are doing with your internship) then yes, it will become a "soulless place". But that goes for anywhere in the world. Your experience and how you feel about where you are is all up to you and the decisions you make.

  3. Vicki says:
    Tue, 7th Sep 20105:04 pm 

    I know how you feel. I'm at home searching for a job, while the majority of my friends are back at school starting a new year. I don't have much going on other than my daily workouts and the occasional errand, and all the sitting around is getting to me. I need to get a part-time job until I get a full-time job offer, but not a whole lot of places around me are hiring right now.

  4. Megan says:
    Tue, 7th Sep 20108:34 pm 

    I graduated this past May and was able to find a full-time job in my hometown but I still don't feel "complete". I miss being in college and even miss the town I spent the last four years living in. It's taking me awhile to adjust to the non-college life, I guess.

  5. Halley says:
    Wed, 8th Sep 20105:17 am 

    I'm definitely in a similar place. I moved from Los Angeles to Chicago last summer and have been working out here for the past year. I know that I'm extremely lucky to have a job in this economy and I get to live in a great city, but I do feel that missing something. I can't figure it out either. I just feel like I'm constantly chasing something whether it's new and exciting or sometimes old and familiar.

    Being in your 20 somethings seems harder than it should be. Running around trying to find ourselves and what makes us happy. I just hope we can find all of it and more.

  6. Emily says:
    Thu, 9th Sep 201011:43 am 

    I just graduated this past May and got a job 7 hours away from home. It has been a huge change…working, meeting new people, etc. Up until this point in our lives we have always known what was "next." After middle school,we went to high school and after high school to college. Now we are left to create our own path and it is a lot of pressure! I have been told to enjoy it though…although the 20s are a time of uncertainty I have heard that you look back on them and enjoy them because when you really get to know yourself! :)

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    Tue, 13th Mar 201212:44 am 

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