WTF is TLC Thinking?

September 8, 2010     Posted in Buzz, Entertainment, HaHa

Polygamy: because 4 wives is better for ratings than 19 kids.

As I was channel surfing the other day, I paused on TLC to watch an old episode of What Not To Wear. After countless “Umm… no”s, a few “I wish Clinton wasn’t gay”s, and too many moments in the painful-to-watch but wildly-entertaining 360° mirror, the show went to commercial. And before I had a chance to flip back to Teen Mom, across my screen flashed an ad for TLC’s newest reality show: Sister Wives, a show that rethinks “love, marriage, and reality family.”


By Colleen Leahey, Reporter

Yes— if you just clicked on that link, what you saw was correct. TLC (what was formally known as The Learning Channel) will be teaching Americans all about a topic we are just dying to sink our teeth into: Polygamy. Dubbed by many as the real Big Love, the show follows Cody, his 3 wives, 13 kids, and newest fiancé as they all prepare for Cody’s fourth wedding.

Yeah, let that one marinate for a second.
And let us all come together with one big “WTF, TLC?!?”

I’ll be honest, I didn’t think it was possible for TLC to get any more messed up. Growing up, I used to watch A Wedding Story and A Baby Story, tears filling my eyes as I saw how a baby was born or what it took to pull off the perfect wedding. Nowadays, though, I legitimately cannot remember the last time TLC taught me much of anything….besides what it looks like for a happy marriage to go up in (Ed Hardy) flames or when a little person gets a DUI.

Which makes me wonder: what those TLC people are smoking goes on in the TLC boardroom? How do they come up with their stellar frightening TV line up? I don’t know for sure, but I have a feeling there are brownies (yeah, that kind), bean bag chairs and conversations that sound a little like this:

19 Kids and Counting – A small-town family that doesn’t believe in birth control but does believe in a general lack of attention for each individual kid. Every day is like a field trip!

“So, Jon and Kate split up. We’re sorta screwed….”
“Yeah, and the two older girls totally hit their awkward stage.”
“OMG, I know! We can’t sit around and risk the same fate for the other 6. We need a new show. A new family. But we gotta think bigger.”
“We could do a show about fat people.”
“Oh, good call. Get on that. But we need another show with lots of kids. And Less Ed Hardy.”
“Yeah, that one blew up in our faces, right? They seemed so…Christian. We need God-fearing people.”
“Uh, I just saw something on YouTube about a family with, like, 16 kids. All with “J” names.”
[Entire team gets on Google.]
“JEDEDIAH? SOMEONE GET THIS DUGGAR FAMILY ON THE HORN.”

I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant. A show about women who are pregnant….and don’t know it.

“Dude, remember Rescue 911? And it had all those sweet dramatizations? We need one of those shows.”
“Totally. But it needs to have babies in it. Or little people.”
“Truth. That’s pretty much what we do. OK, how about this? Women having babies.”
“Uh, we did that. It was called ‘A Baby Story.’ Let’s take it up a notch…. I’ve got it! Women having babies in toilets!”
“YES! And in cars.”
“Two words: gold mine.”

Toddlers & Tiaras – Outrageous parents forcing their children to spray tan, tease their hair and tap dance….all before the ripe age of 6.

“OK, team, the big guys up stairs are telling me we have to stop stealing show ideas from The Food Network. What ideas do you have for me today?”
“Does that mean we can’t do another cupcake show?”
“Right. And don’t pitch me ‘Steel Chef’ again either.”
“Alright. So, I was flipping back and forth between the Westminster Dog Show and Rugrats this weekend.”
[Team laughs.]
“Ha. I know. I was totally blazing. Anyways, I was really getting into both of them and I was all, ‘you know what would be better than this? PUTTING THEM TOGETHER.’”
“Yeah, little girls in eyeshadow and press-on nails are HOT.”
[Silence.]
“OK, so that was creepy, but there is an untapped market of creepy old men out there. This could be huge.”

The Little Chocalatiers - It’s a show about little people…who make chocolate.

“So, we need a new food reality show.”
“Another one? We already have ten and you know they are just watered down and annoying versions of Food Network shows….”
“Not like this one. Get this: we can do a show about monkeys that make chocolate while training to go into space. The anti-gravity chamber makes it way more delicious and gives the chocolate a lighter flavor, and then…”[Receives awkward stares. Composes himself.]
“OK, fine. How about little people who make chocolate?”
“Can we dip them in chocolate for the promos?”
“Of course!”
[Table erupts in cheers.]

28 Comments on "WTF is TLC Thinking?"

  1. mary says:
    Wed, 8th Sep 20104:37 pm 

    lol

  2. Ana says:
    Thu, 9th Sep 20106:14 am 

    I like little people and what not to wear, there's nothing else I can watch on TLC, they had so much better shows in the past.

  3. garboesque says:
    Thu, 9th Sep 20107:00 am 

    There's one more WTF program you forgot to mention. Isn't The Sarah Palin Show coming on soon? After that premiere, THEN you can declare the crazy that is TLC has come full circle!

  4. Honie says:
    Thu, 9th Sep 20107:54 am 

    this was good stuff! lol

  5. James Pollock says:
    Thu, 9th Sep 20104:07 pm 

    Little people who make chocolate? Aren't they called Oompa Loompas?

  6. Christine says:
    Thu, 9th Sep 20104:33 pm 

    Ohh man that was hilarious. And so true TLC is no longer about learning its just a bunch of crappy reality shows. They have sunk so low I don't think they will ever redeem themselves.

  7. jfree says:
    Thu, 9th Sep 20106:54 pm 

    I agree with Christine.. I dont even watch that channel anymore. Its gotten too stupid for halfway intelligent people to bother with.

  8. Holden Caulfield says:
    Thu, 9th Sep 20108:54 pm 

    I love this! I have been saying this for a while now, TLC is such a creep-o channel. I used to watch to learn about things that go on in my life, or might happen to me in the future (have a kid, get married, health stuff, etc), but now I really feel like I'm watching a freak show. It's like the execs sit together and go hmmm, let's get all the "different" people in America and disguise our humiliating them through a show for America to learn about them. It's soooo freaking weird. Every show on the channel features something that makes me question if it's okay for me to be watching or for the subjects to have a show. The only thing that would make midgets, large families, etc normal is to stop giving them full-blown "reality" shows. Let them be like everyone else. It's one thing to feature a wedding with "little people" as an episode in a "wedding story" series, but a whole show, really? How many times do we have to see the couple using stools to get to the top shelf or using specialized equipment to drive? TLC has taken voyeurism to a whole other level and it's quite sad.

  9. Donald says:
    Fri, 10th Sep 20102:42 am 

    I think TLC should have a reality show featuring Prince Poppycock as Obama's Chief of Staff during the last 2 years of this dysfunctional Administration..They can worry about a spin=off show later on..

  10. alisha turner says:
    Fri, 10th Sep 20104:18 am 

    i used to love t l c myself but now i find it so silly i just don't watch it….really the only show i like is little people big world which is going off this season….and hey how could i watch a station that made the gosselin(whatever) stars…Kate has the nerve to have a bodyguard o m g…..so t l c is not the station it use to be, so guys watch the animal planet….i love that station but i hate t l c.

  11. arlene bernato says:
    Fri, 10th Sep 20105:00 am 

    The Learning Channel (no More)The Loser Channel as it should now be called.

    I am so disappointed in TLC they are not teaching us a thing .

    Who are the executives making these decisions to air such horrible TV.

  12. Rob says:
    Fri, 10th Sep 20105:57 pm 

    What a great article! I thought I was the only one who stopped watching this channel! People have called them:

    The Little Children channel (with the toddlers/tiaras show)

    The Lying Channel (pretending the Gosselins hadn't split up for MONTHS)

    There are a few more, but you can't print them. LOL They now have a strange sex or something like that. And the "I didn't know I was pregnant!" Two doctors have told me that is HIGHLY unusual for a woman to not know they are pg. And TLC has a SERIES on this?? Too funny. IF I could get pg, I might tell them I didn't know so I, too, could collect a paycheck! LOL TLC has truly become The Laughing Channel < laughing AT them not with them. And for a channel to hype a divorce for ratings? "The big announcement" when the Gosselins was forced to fess up about thier split up, was disgusting.

  13. ohiodi says:
    Sat, 11th Sep 20108:42 am 

    garboesque says:

    Thu, 9th Sep 201012:00 pm

    There’s one more WTF program you forgot to mention. Isn’t The Sarah Palin Show coming on soon? After that premiere, THEN you can declare the crazy that is TLC has come full circle!

    Maybe they should have a show about Mrs. Obama going her vegatables, it saves money you know that you can spend in Spain!

  14. Chuck says:
    Sun, 12th Sep 20102:55 pm 

    Here's my problem with "What Not To Wear." It's been a long, long time since they've done a wardrobe makeover for a man. Look at Bill Gates. He still has the same goofy haircut he had in college, with the same nerdy glasses, and the same pale blue oxford shirt and Dockers.

    There are a lot of men like that who need their wardrobe and look freshened up.

    Or, there are men who dress fine for work (blue suit, white shirt, red pattern tie), but they have no clue how to dress for a party, a picnic, or running errands on Saturday. I.e., the same beat-up college t-shirt, jeans and sneakers.

  15. Echo says:
    Mon, 13th Sep 20104:48 am 

    People need to be more open minded. If multiple women want to be married to the same guy, why can't they choose that? It's their life, who am I to say otherwise. I haven't watched Sister Wives, but I think I'm gonna check it out. Hopefully its on demand so I can catch up. ;)

  16. UnHoly Diver says:
    Mon, 13th Sep 201011:11 am 

    Don't forget the "re-birth" of American Chopper. What was once a relatively entertaining show has become nothing more than a male version of Real Housewives in [insert big city name here], playing off the Continental Divide-like rift between Senior and Junior(and Mikey, it seems).

  17. Emily says:
    Sun, 19th Sep 201012:20 pm 

    Say Yes to the Dress is keeping TLC afloat, its like single girl porn.

  18. jane lane says:
    Thu, 23rd Sep 20109:34 am 

    I want to see what the people are like who watch these

    creepy shows. I agree with the other person who said watch animal planet. Also TLC needs to change their name.

  19. Atheist says:
    Sun, 3rd Oct 20106:53 pm 

    TLC: a channel designed especially for unbelievably dumb people who haven't a life worth living. Case closed.

  20. charlie says:
    Tue, 4th Jan 201110:43 pm 

    i just watched a show about extreme cuponing on TLC and watched these people just hoard all this stuff.Why can't they do this for a food bank? or people in need?one woman had collected a wall of toilet paper.

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