Don’t Be That Girl

By Alex

No one likes a hot mess.  Okay, well that’s not exactly true.  We looove LocaLohan and anyone who has been an E! True Hollywood Story, but when it comes to college it’s best to leave the crazy work to the professionals.

This means your roommate doesn’t want to disrobe your unconscious body at 3 a.m., the girls down the hall don’t want to carry you naked into the shower, and you don’t want to clean up your vom from under the bed the following morning.  The first week of school is when you’ll be at your most susceptible to making such novice mistakes.  You’re new, you’ve yet to fall victim to the Freshman Fifteen, and the older guys are taking full notice of these facts.

Stay in your hallmates’ good graces and prevent the puke with these oh-so-simple drinking Dos and Don’ts…

Do Eat a Good Dinner
I get it, you want to stay fit.  That’s what the gym is for, not the salad bar before a night of hitting up the frat houses.  You won’t make it two cups of jungle juice into the night before feeling the need to call it quits if you’re entree was a handful of green beans.  (Except, let’s get real.  You won’t call it quits.  You’ll switch to beer and keep on drinkin’ til you’re hugging the toilet.)  Instead, eat the damn turkey sandwich.  And grab a side of fries, too.

Pregame in Moderation
Everyone knows “that” girl, and I bet you’ll get to know her pretty quickly, too.  She’s the girl who pounds shots at 8 p.m. and is passed out next to a trash basket while everyone else is adjusting their hair and getting ready to gallivant.  The guys won’t touch her for fear she’ll projectile on their classy posters and girls don’t want her booting on their boots.  It’s all right to know that girl, just don’t be that girl.

Mix and Mingle, Just Don’t Mix While You Mingle
Bottom line: pick a drink and stick to it.  If you love rum, then BYO and grab some Cokes off a willing dude.  If beer’s more your thing, know there will be kegs everywhere.  Like something a bit fruitier- frat house mystery mixes are delish and “hey baby, you can barely taste the booze.”  But beware not to do a taste test of all available liquids lest you become the human puke machine.

Know Your Limit
So you’re drunk.  Congratulations!  What now?  The party’s not over, and you don’t feel like going home.  Hell, you feel like dancing around that pole you spotted in the basement.  Before you do, take a quick reading:

1. Stand still.  Is the room spinning?
2. Can you feel your tongue?
3. How many times per minute do you flip your hair?

If you answered, “Omigod, how did I get on a boooooaaat!”, “Whyzmahmoutallnumb?”, and “Whatever.  So what if I have long flowing locks like Tyra Banks?”, then guess what kiddo – you’re dunzo.