Vaseline: A College Girl’s Best Friend

Everyone raise your glasses for I would like to make a toast!

Today marks the 140th birthday of our good and loyal friend, Vaseline.  Here is to all of those good times we’ve had when we’ve needed you most. I keep you by my bed, in my bag, and in the car. I pick you up, dip my finger in your gooey residue and primp and prime to my utmost pleasure. You’re cheap, you’re handy, and you’re my BFF.


Seriously, after finding out it was Vaseline’s 140th birthday today, I went to find my own container and rubbed that shiz all over my elbows in celebration. This stuff is the best and, like any cheap vodka, it’s a college girl’s BFF.

Why, you ask?  Let us list the ways.

1. It makes your eyelashes grow: As long as you aren’t shacking up with the cutie you’ve been studying with, lather Vaseline all over your purty eyelashes overnight and watch them thicken and grow like a Chia pet come morning!

2. To Soften your weines [pronounced: wee*niss]: Vaseline is a great pick-me-up for dry elbows.

3. To Pimp out your cuticles: Store a mini-Vaseline container in your purse and utilize for emergency dry cuticle moments. And if you just really want an excuse to not take notes in lecture.

4. For kissable, luscious lips: Fall is a beast for drying out summary, dewy lips. Vaseline is there for you and your irresistible pout. Muah! P.S. You can mix Vaseline with Kool-Aid powder and make a colored (and flavored) lip gloss.

5. To Help your scent stick: Softly rub Vaseline all over your perfume points (i.e. the cleav, behind the ear, neck, wrist) and your scent will last longer!

6. Take it from JWWOW: It is a misconception that Vaseline clogs pores, so smear it all over your face, neck and arms whenever some bitch gets up in your shiz. Let’s see her try to grab hold of you now!

7. Say See Ya Never, Lipstick Smudges: Spread a little Vaseline over your teeth and lipstick smudges be gone!

8. For a moonlight massage with your man: Umm, hellooo. Vaseline is slippery. It ain’t no mint scent Aveda lotion, but it’s cheap and gets the job done after a long day trucking that North Face backpack from the library and back. Warm it up for an extra soothing effect. Saucy.

9.To remove last nights battlefield makeup: Apply some to a Q-tip and have a hay day.

10. Perfect for an eyeshadow/blush boost: Apply some under your eye shadow for a glossy affect. Apply on the apples of your cheeks for a dewy glow. Mix with lipstick for a cream blusher!

11. Lube: Whether you need it to get your friend’s engagement ring off your finger, or you want to ‘get it on’, Vaseline has you covered. And slippery.

12. It eases eyebrow plucking: Tame your eyebrows and lube up the under-skin so you can pluck with ease.

13. Prevent hair dye from seeping onto your forehead: Softly dab all over your hairline and keep that box hair dye from dying your forehead orange/brown/black/purple (we don’t judge).

14. To make your accessories look brand spankin’ new: New job interview? Scuff the crap-ol-la out of your patent leather heals thanks to pitcher night? Put a small dab on your shoes and shine away!

15. Hide Split Ends: Haven’t had a haircut since your mother made you go to Great Clips for a quickie? Hide damaged ends with the ‘V’ (what I’m now calling it).

16. Remove those stains on your clothes: And by stains, I mean makeup stains, sillies!

17. To Prevent spray-tan streaks: Rub all over the backs of your knees, ankles and hands to prevent seriously frightening spray tan lines. (You listening, Snooks?!)

18. To heal a new tat: No, Vaseline won’t undo that lame ass “I-have-star-tattoos-on-my-feet” situation a la Kristin Cavallari, but it can help the wound heal a little bit faster.

19. To get those O.P.I. nail polish bottles open: Is it just me or do I always try to get those babies open after I shower. Make it easier for next time and rub Vaseline under the cap. Then go ahead and do a D.I.Y manicure.

20. It’s your new exfoliating body wash: Mix with sea salt and come out of the shower feeling like Zac Efron’s face. Soft. And sexy.

Is it just me, or after reading this article, do your lips feel dry? Now go give your Vaseline some well deserved attention.



  1. Marina says:

    No. Do NOT use Vaseline as lube. Use water- or silicone-based lube. Vaseline and other lubes can lead to yeast infections.

  2. Lindsay says:

    Also it should NEVER be used on a tattoo – every good artist will warn you against it – use a&d ointment for a tattoo, it allows it to breathe better.

  3. Bunny says:

    I TOTALLY concur with Marina and the lube thing. Not only nasty infections, but it can damage a condom and lead to splittage…rendering the condom useless. Not a good thing.

  4. Sam says:

    Beware of a&d, I had an awful allergic reaction when I put it on a healing tattoo. I would stick to a hypoallergenic lotion

  5. katie says:

    If you get rough, cracked, dry feet like I do slather on that vaseline and put some socks on overnight it'll feel so soft the next day! I love vaseline!

  6. Erin says:

    I used Aquaphor on mine, and it worked great. I was good to go after a week :)

  7. Miss Susan says:

    I've used vaseline to heal a tattoo and it looks the same as my other tattoo which I used ointment on.

  8. dazey says:

    OMG! What a badly written piece. Vaseline and petroleum products rot latex and that includes condoms!

    And no it does not make your eyelashes grow overnight. If that was the case bald men would be slapping it on their heads everyday

  9. […] not as dirty as it sounds: was really skeptical about putting vaseline on my weines til CollegeCandy mentioned it here. […]

  10. Jenna says:

    Ok, so maybe Vaseline isn't a good lube, but many of the other tips were great.

    I've long extolled the virtues of Vaseline, and now I have a few new uses I can add to my repertoire!

  11. Laura says:

    Maybe I missed something but I was under the impression that when the writer wrote lube they meant it as a lubricant to remove things that were stuck, or help get things on. Not as a sexual lubricant.

  12. stell says:

    um i was wondering…….when you guys say Vaseline, what is it SPECIFICALLY? what is vaseline? is it a body lotion? or what is it? i just bought a vaseline body lotion because i couldn't find any other vaseline ______? so my guess is i CANNOT use vaseline body lotion on my lips, lashes etc. because it's a BODY LOTION, right? :)

  13. Kristi says:

    Stell, they are talking about Vaseline petroleum jelly, not the lotion. They sell it in these clear plastic jars with blue lids. Usually, if no where else, you can find it in the baby care aisle of your local grocery store or supermarket :)

  14. Heather says:

    Vaseline petroleum jelly…there's a picture of a pimped out container of it. i read "lube" as something to get stuck things (like RINGS) off…or on

  15. iliketacos says:

    i like to use it to prevent my thighs from chaffing when im wearing a skirt and such.

  16. Megan says:

    Totally clogs pores, as it is petroleum.

  17. […] Zephyr – CF Editor Comment on Post /**/ If you share our addiction to Vaseline, you’ll love this funny post from CollegeCandy. Read it for the LOL’s – just don’t take the suggested uses too seriously. (#11? […]

  18. […] you share our addiction to Vaseline, you’ll love this funny post from CollegeCandy. Read it for the LOL’s – just don’t take the suggested uses too seriously. (#11? […]

  19. Bunny says:

    Urgh, can't believe I have to explain this *eye roll* Heather and Laura, the article does mention getting rings off but adds "… or you want to ‘get it on’".

    If you don't know what 'get it on' in quotations is hinting, then I assume you must never have read an article on this site before.

  20. brittany says:

    All Vaseline is good for is to provide a barrier on the skin. That's why you find it in the baby care aisle of the store- you apply it to a baby's butt and when they pee their diaper the urine isn't burning their skin. It's a protectant that sits on top of the skin. It doesn't sink in, it doesn't soothe, it doesn't moisturize, it doesn't make your lashes grow (wtf?), and it certainly isn't meant to be used as a sexual lubricant! And quite frankly I would NOT want to massage my man with it or wear it on my cheeks… Gross.

    It can be used on the lips to protect them from dry air and keep moisture in, but so can chapstick (and at least chapstick has sunscreen)!

    Also, Vaseline will STAIN your clothes, not remove stains!

  21. […] – We found out that our new favorite bathroom item is Vaseline. Why? Um, it’s a thousand times more useful than any other product you own. […]

  22. Amanda says:

    Hey just saying…

    Did you mean "summery lips?"

    "summary" doesn't make much sense.

  23. Emily says:

    It is really great at preventing blisters. Put a little bit wherever your shoes rub and you'll be good to go!

  24. […] Says: You go into his top drawer to get some lube…and discover his Team Taylor t-shirt. Brittany Says: Let’s have a toast to all the […]

  25. chan says:

    uhmmm people vaseline is a good lube…. why do people always say when someone is going to prison/jail to take some vaseline with??

  26. AC says:

    It IS a good sexual lubricant if you're not using a condom. Which a lot of people in committed relationships, who are on the pill, don't (I'm assuming none of you thought about that possibility?). It can also help a tampon go in more comfortably. And while it might not actually moisturize, it does help heal dry skin rather well.

  27. […] off the streets (I’m not exactly Mrs. Bill Gates) I’ve come to discover that tons of your everyday cheapo toiletries have tons of additional uses. Next to  Rachel Zoe re-runs and chocolate chip cookies, the dollar aisle that’s located in […]

  28. brittany says:

    Uh, no. Vaseline is NOT good for lube even if you don't use a barrier method. It's not water soluble, so it stays in the vagina and can harbor bacteria, leading to infection.

  29. criolle johnny says:

    On a completely unrelated use, I use a bit of "white petrolatum" mixed with paraffin and soy wax (or cottonseed oil) for a pretty darn good container wax blend.

    Stuff has a LOT of uses.

  30. […] really feel like going all-out, rub a foot scrub across your heels to remove any gross calluses, cover the spot with Vaseline, and wear socks for a few hours to let it really soak in. The most important part? Choosing a […]

  31. […] Vaseline: A College girl’s best friend […]

  32. Cindy says:


    It does not clog pores… It specifically denies it on the container

  33. […] using cheap things to cure major life problems? Check out everything Vaseline can do! Read More About cure a hangover, lemon, lemon and acne, lemon and sunburn, lemon home remedies, […]

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  38. Rachel says:

    You can use vaseline as long as you clean your “down there” afterwards and regularly, just like you would do for any other lube, and in normal life, if your afraid to get an infection, than your probably not keeping your lady bits clean

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