Glamour Says the Darndest Things: October Edition

It’s clear that Glamour hates Lea Michele as much as I do. (Yes, I said it. Lea Michele emits this aura of entitled smugness that I cannot help but to scrunch up my nose at. Also, Glee is awful. Grownup Kidz Bop interpretations of songs + stale caricature characters? I’ll pass.) I can’t deny the girl is gorgeous, though. But on the cover, Lea looks stiff and mildly crazy. With way too much mascara on. And the inside photos are no better – in one, she bears an uncomfortable resemblance to Sarah Palin.

By Jasmine R.

No, thank you.

I will say, though, this fall’s trends make for some gorgeous spreads. And maybe I was too blinded by velvety pumps and pearl-embellished bags to find any one particular article especially cringe-worthy. I couldn’t help but notice that random lines of crazy were sprinkled throughout. So thank you for these little gems, Glamour.

Glamour says: Only on R. Patz can [a maroon suit] look sexy.
Jasmine says: Are we really still pretending this guy is anything other a greasy, grungy 20-something who happened to get lucky and sign onto a perplexingly popular franchise? Let’s be real, if you saw Robert Pattinson walking down the street, 98 percent of us would not give this kid another look.

Glamour says: Wearing a black and white striped cardigan makes for a “fiercer look.”
Jasmine says: Whitney Port and Jennifer Lopez were the celebrities who were examples of this silly assertion. Enough said.

Glamour says: If Lady Gaga’s doing it, it must be a trend.
Jasmine says: This should have included a disclaimer along the lines of, “Lady Gaga is Lady Gaga. You are not Lady Gaga, so proceed with extreme caution. And don’t make a dress out of meat.”

Glamour says: It’s okay to count candy corn as a vegetable.
Jasmine says: It’s never acceptable to propagate the idea that candy corn is okay in any context. My teeth hurt just thinking about it.