Fantasy Football Is Stupid
Imagine something you would miss your best friend’s birthday for. Something so worth doing you’d pass up seeing your family or ignore your boyfriend for. Something, perhaps, you’d even stay up all night waiting for with intense anticipation. As intelligent CollegeCandy readers, you’re probably thinking that only an intimate date with Brad Pitt or a shopping trip with Tim Gunn is worth such steep sacrifices. Well, as I said, that’s because you’re intelligent CollegeCandy readers.
Now, if you will, enter the male mind. I know, scary prospect, but just for a moment. If you’re back on campus, you’re well aware college football season has started with a bang (or a keg stand, depending). What you might not know is that fantasy football season is also about to kick off. And no, fantasy football isn’t an entire team of Mark Sanchez look-alikes playing without their shirts. Psh, I wish.
The actual fantasy process is long and involved and, truthfully, absolutely pointless if you ask me. From my limited understanding, it’s basically guys sitting in a room arguing over who “gets” what NFL player for their fake dream team.
Am I wrong to say that seems a whole lot like standing in front of an empty closet and arguing with my best friend over who gets to keep clothes that don’t exist?
“I want the vintage Pucci scarf!”
“Well you already got the Manolos, so the scarf is mine, bitch!”
Ladies, what brings our men to such insanity? How is this fun for them!? Please, don’t tell me they actually think their fantasy selections are serving a greater purpose. Or worse- that they think their teams “need” them. I mean, what else could explain the sudden disappearances from class and absences on date night? This sort of behavior is unacceptable to such a drastic level. It’s bad enough when Johnny Drunkass gets lost at real college football games. We cannot possibly accept being ditched for imaginary sporting events.