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Turn That Walk of Shame Into a Stride of Pride

[The following post was written by dating coach, Kira Sabin, a keg of dating and relationship wisdom. She’s been helping people find love for years so we thought we’d tap this keg and see what sort of brilliant advice she has for the CollegeCandy readers. Drink up!]

We’ve all been there.  The guy from Chem who you have been crushin’ on for a bit looks even better 5 drinks in.  You are laughing, flirting and can not believe how much you have in common.  What?!  He likes Taio too? This is clearly destiny!

Flash forward to the next morning.  After realizing that he is not prince charming, just the guy from Chem, you slip out and realize you have to somehow get back to your place. Enter: the walk of shame.

Anyone (who is up that early in the morning) can spot them from a mile away. The signs are obvious: they’re up earlier than anyone should be on a Saturday morning, they’re wearing inappropriate clothes, and they’re still in full (albeit, messy) makeup. And, most telling, they’ve the “I can’t believe I went home with him!  What did I just do?” guilty look on their face.

If it has happened to you, you know the roller coaster of emotions it can bring.  First, a little rush from the exciting naughtiness and highly entertaining story you can share with all of your friends. The next day or two, you may experience that feeling of dread that you may see him when you’re not ready.  Finally, even though you may not be sure if you want to see him, you are disappointed when three days has gone by and he hasn’t called (or even Facebooked!), which then leads to the inevitable sh*tty feeling and promising yourself that will never happen again. Which it usually does.

I am not a Judgey McJudgerson and would be a big ass hypocrite if I pretended that had never happened to me (I have some real doozies; just ask my friends about the Halloween Cookie Debacle of 2009). Even as a dating coach, I am the last person who is going to tell you what is or is not appropriate in your life.  I am leaving that to your Mom.  I am, however, going to say that if you are walking away feeling like crap and it is taking a toll on your confidence somethin’ just ain’t right.

When I started coaching college students a while ago one of them quickly pointed out to me that no one in college dates, they just hook up.  Usually drunkenly.  That is just what they do.  Dating doesn’t exist.  That may be true, but even if you are not fancy schmancy dating like old people, that doesn’t mean you can’t take care of yourself and make sure you feel good after any encounter you may have.   Remember ladies, this is supposed to be fun!

Do you wanna have some fun? Here are three ways you can turn your Walk of Shame into a Stride of Pride every time.

1. Ask yourself, why did you do it?
Was he too cute or funny to pass up, or were you downright lonely?  Was there a little too much booze a flowin’?  Was it for fun or a shot at love?  There is nothing wrong with doing some exploring in college – as long as you are ALWAYS emotionally and physically safe – but if you find yourself heading for a hook up to fill something inside of you that is feeling sad, lonely or empty, you are always going to end up feeling worse.

2. What are you expecting?
Are you expecting a night of a little fun and kissing, or a new boyfriend?  Whenever you lay on the expectations that this guy could be “the one” just because he wanted to take you home after grinding to Rihanna on the dance floor, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.  It most likely is exactly what it seems to be: a night of fun.  Now there is nothing wrong with that, but expecting that he is going to call and want to start a relationship is going to get you a ticket on the crazy train.

3. Learn from it.
If you find that this is happening regularly and every time you feel like crap for the next couple of days, it just may not be what you are looking for.  Go to your BFFs and make sure they let you flirt but also get you home at the end of the night.

I do encourage you, however, to see it exactly for what it is and embrace it.  Go into it in control, making the decision to have fun and be happy about it.  No one is a victim if they choose to do it, so if you make the decision to kiss someone for an evening take it for what it is.  There is no rule out there that you can’t wake up with a smile on your face and a great story in your pocket for breakfast.

Want to see more of Kira (our resident dating coach and woman behind the CollegeCandy Dating Makeover in January?)  Check out her new college dating advice site at www.thecollegecrush.com.

    Comments

    Comments

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    5. Timothy says:

      I don't really understand the many contradictions within this post:

      (1) If you don't want to see him again, who cares if he calls, doesn't that simply confirm what you suspected in the first place? (2) Seeing someone when you're not read? Who cares, I'm fairly certain the last thing any guy is thinking about is that your make up or your hair isn't perfect. Besides, many girls look great in disgusting workout clothes, etc. Lastly, if you're looking for a relationship, why not set some ground rules about sleeping with someone?

    6. Margot says:

      This is too funny!–and Good!!! I am tired of my friends hooking up and thinking that it is something more. Keep your emotions and your body safe, if you're doing something for the wrong reasons you're going to get hurt—BAD.

      Keep it up!

    7. jill says:

      Rule of Thumb: Try to avoid a walk of shame on the morning after Halloween. A walk of shame is exponentially worse in the light of day, still wearing your now-bedraggled costume.

      jill
      in bed with married women
      http://inbedwithmarriedwomen.blogspot.com

    8. Julie says:

      This is a very empowering post. Women are as much in control of the situation as men, and why shouldn't we feel good about going home with someone we find attractive? I always walk with more pep in my step after I get it.

    9. Ramona W says:

      Is there some reason the "walk of shame" has to look like one? Of course you want to carry a tiny clutch bag when you go out but is there nowhere you can stash a few make-up removing wipes, a T-shirt, shorts, and flip-flops so you look more like someone out early to get a coffee? Just a thought…

    10. healy says:

      Just imagine waking each morning feeling refreshed and full of vigor…Imagine feeling confident about the day ahead and being able to meet any new challenges full-on, with very few doubts about your ability to cope…let's do it!:)enjoy life

    11. hmm says:

      although this post is a fun take on the walk of shame, i doubt anyone will be thinking clearly enough during their actual walk of shame to turn it into a stride of pride. but, once the hangover guilt/self-pitying goes away (with the help of several advil) this advice can def help

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    14. L says:

      the picture dor this article is my street at ohio state!!

    15. anonymous says:

      "There is nothing wrong with doing some exploring in college – as long as you are ALWAYS emotionally and physically safe"

      That's scared shit. You gotta be able to take emotional and physical risks to ever find what you want in life.

    16. lacey says:

      "That's scared shit. You gotta be able to take emotional and physical risks to ever find what you want in life."

      newsflash dipshit:

      she's talking about CONDOMS, as in SAFE SEX. i have no reason to catch a gift that keeps on giving in order to find my destiny. that doesn't mean you don't have a place in this world buddy…you can find it at the clinic.

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    20. Jim says:

      I am only too familiar with the walk of shame. But there is nothing worse than that walk of shame if you have a significant other who wasn't involved. There is no shittier feeling than knowing you just cheated on your gf/bf when you're walking back. A lot of people have shared these particular experiances at http://www.cheatconfession.com . One night stands are usually great though, but maybe it's different fo rguys

      1. Robert Ray Rice says:

        Cheating is a different story, but there's an easy way around that. Don't be exclusive if you don't feel you can commit (or don't want to). I've had plenty of open relationships that worked out really well because at the beginning we were honest about who we were and what we expected. I'm a slut and I like experiencing a lot of different people. The people who love me accept that about me, and every now and then it's beneficial, because one of us brings new tricks back. Do what you want, and don't apologize for it.

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    25. The Raisin Girl says:

      I hate the term "walk of shame" anyway. If you wanted to do what you did, why should you feel shame the next morning? More importantly, how often do guys ever do the walk of shame? They don't. Because with guys, they "scored." Why can't it be the same with girls?

      But what is this crap about people not dating in college? Maybe it's different wherever you are, but at my college people not only date, they're getting married left and right. It's ridiculous. And whenever girls DO just hook up for one night, I hear them complain about how the GUY keeps calling because he thought the night meant more than it did. I must live in bizarro world.

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    31. David says:

      Lol… this is funny. Sluts trying to justify promiscuity with a conservative argument… had a good chuckle. That's like someone trying to argue for open-mindedness from a fundamentalist point of view

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    34. lol says:

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