TV Premiere Overload

If fantasy football is a good enough reason for guys to disappear for days on end, then I hereby give you permission to set aside the textbooks and turn off your cell phone for what is going to be the greatest (and most stressful) week of TV all year. It seems like every. freaking. show. on TV is premiering this week. Not sure how you’re going to fit it all in??

Brace yourselves, I’m about to outline the next five days’ worth of what to watch, what to TiVo, and what to skip altogether.  Oh, and all new shows are linked to their previews so you can decide for yourself!

Good luck. And thank god for Hulu.

Monday, September 20

8:00

Dancing with the Stars (ABC)
Is it even possible not to watch this season’s train wreck assembly of contestants foxtrot their way to faux-fame?  TiVo so you can skip the commercials!
House (Fox)
Chuck (NBC)
How I Met Your Mother (CBS)
If you’re like me and have been going through Barney Stinson withdrawal through the whole, long summer then be sure to watch HIMYM live.

8:30

Rules of Engagement (CBS)

9:00

Lone Star (Fox) New Show (and uber hottie) Alert!
The Event (NBC) New Show Alert!
Looks like this is going to be the new trendy conspiracy show of the season.  Watch it live so you’re up on all the plot twists in case everyone’s talking about this one come Tuesday.
Two and a Half Men (CBS)
Charlie Sheen, go home.  Skip this one, in the name of wife-beaters everywhere!

9:30

Mike & Molly (CBS) New Show Alert!

10:00

Castle (ABC)
Chase (NBC) New Show Alert!
If you like cop dramas and girl power, hit record on this new show featuring a badass assortment of U.S. Marshals…and Jesse Metcalfe.
Hawaii Five-0 (CBS) New Show Alert!

Tuesday, September 21

8:00

Glee (Fox)
If you don’t watch this one live, I can’t even speak to you.  Grab a big bowl of popcorn and get ready to sing your heart out.  Glee’s back!!
The Biggest Loser (NBC)
NCIS (CBS)

9:00

Raising Hope (Fox) New Show Alert!
There’s a cute baby, so isn’t that an instant reason to TiVo?
NCIS: Los Angeles (CBS)

9:30

Running Wilde (Fox) New Show Alert!
Since I love Keri Russell, I want to like this show.  But it looks a little stupid.  Set to record and watch it when you’re bored/hungover.

10:00

Detroit 1-8-7 (ABC) New Show Alert!
It’s about time for a cop show outside of NY/Miami/LA. And who needs cops more than Detroit? This is the perfect option to fill the void left by the original Law and Order. <Moment of silence>

Wednesday, September 22

8:00

Hell’s Kitchen (Fox)
The Middle (ABC)
Undercovers (NBC) New Show Alert!
Seemingly normal couple revert back to their previous lifestyle as undercover agents.  They then coin the term “sexspionage”.  Eh, I’d watch it.

8:30

Better With You (ABC) New Show Alert!
TiVo because the mom from That 70s Show has finally found a new home on TV!

9:00

Law & Order: SVU (NBC)
Criminal Minds (CBS)
Modern Family (ABC)
Yes, yes, yes.  I know, it’s brilliant and funny.  Watch it live for sure.

9:30

Cougar Town (ABC)
Totally underrated. Yeah, I said it. Plus, Jennifer Aniston is guest starring. Record it for those mid-afternoon breaks when the only thing on TV is old episodes of Gilmore Girls…which you’ve already seen 3 times.

10:00

The Whole Truth (ABC) New Show Alert!
The Defenders (CBS) New Show Alert!

Thursday, September 23

8:00

My Generation (ABC) New Show Alert!
This one looks like it could either be really great or really horrible.  Set it to record and make up your mind later.
Bones (Fox)
Community (NBC)
It’s baaaaack!  One to watch live, for sure.
The Big Bang Theory (CBS)

8:30

30 Rock (NBC)
S#*! My Dad Says (CBS) New Show Alert!
I for one am totally dying to know what kind of S#*! is going to go down on this sure-to-be-hysterical show.  If you loved the original Twitter account of the same name, this is one to record.

9:00

Fringe (Fox)
Grey’s Anatomy (ABC)
With last season’s crazy finale, do you really want to take your chances on the TiVo malfunctioning and not watch the new Grey’s live?  Or worse, saving it for later and having it all ruined for you by your status-happy girlfriend? Get real.
The Office (NBC)
CSI (CBS)

9:30

Outsourced (NBC) New Show Alert!

10:00

Private Practice (ABC)
The Mentalist (CBS)

Friday, September 24

8:00

Smallville (CW)
Medium (CBS)

9:00

The Good Guys (Fox)
Supernatural (CW)
Dateline (NBC)
CSI: NY (CBS)

10:00

20/20 (ABC)
Blue Bloods (CBS) New Show Alert!
Tom Selleck, for the win.  If you’ve got nothing else to do than marvel at a glorious mustache and take in yet another cop drama, then by all means.  But really, I’d advise just leaving a little earlier for the frat parties.  Nothing you need to see here.