The Morning After: Mother Nature Has a Way With Timing

By Anonymous

[Everyone’s got a morning after story (some of which are way more mortifying than others) and we wanna hear yours! Send it over to us and we’ll post it – anonymously, of course – right here!]

I fell in love with Danny my freshman year of college when he dressed up as a sexy pterodactyl on Halloween. We lived on the same floor freshman year and I always went out of my way to run into him in the hallway. Like I would walk around outside his room claiming that I dropped my contact on the carpet somewhere in that exact area. Despite my complete awkwardness, we became really good friends and we spent the next two years heavily flirting with each other. But one of us was always involved with someone or getting over someone or hitting shamelessly on freshman girls (him!) and it never happened.

Until last Friday.

We were sitting on his couch eating college nachos (you know what I’m talking about…when you come home drunk and melt cheese on any and all crackers, pretzels, chips, cookies) and I got a sudden surge of confidence. I don’t know whether it was his cheesy breath or the fact that I drank tequila for the first time since freshman year, but I leaned in for the kiss. He leaned int too and before anyone could say “kisses con queso” (because who would say that?) we were in the throes of a passionate makeout sesh on the couch. At one point we came up for air and admitted to each other that we had both liked each other forever. Obvi this love confession swept me off my feet and I led him into the bedroom. It was fireworks, rom-com movies, and all that jazz.

Then I woke up. Doomsday.

My always irregular period arrived at the worst possible moment…on his white sheets. I began hyperventilating – like seriously hyperventilating – and trying to think of how to get out of his bed and clean it up without waking him up. But clearly my panic attack/heavy breathing/sobbing in the corner woke him. He rolled over and found the stain where I was supposed to be.

The look on his face was one I’ll never forgot. Pure disgust. I tried to laugh it off (“I guess I’m not pregnant?”), he tried to laugh it off. But it was pretty obvious he was more than a little grossed out. I volunteered to wash the sheets or buy him new ones (“OMG, I’ll get you a new mattress!”), but he didn’t look interested in either option. After a few minutes of awkward silence, I got dressed, and headed out.

I don’t remember any Drew Barrymore movies ending like this.