TV Shows Worse Than the Death Penalty

September 23, 2010 3:00 pm     Posted in Entertainment, HaHa  Hannah Corpuz - University of Washington g+ page

Apparently there are worse things about prison than toothbrush shanks and dropping the soap. More specifically: the Kardashians. The high-profile, high-drama family has caused “emotional distress” for one inmate after being forced to watch both Keeping Up With the Kardashians and Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami. The real kicker is this: he’s suing.


By Hannah Corpuz

All silliness aside, it’s an understandable accusation. Anyone who’s watched a Kardashian marathon knows what it can do to the soul.

Kill it.

And that got me thinking – first about why this family has not one but two shows in the first place, and then about the idea of using really bad TV as a form of punishment. Because with all that dribble we’ve got going on these days, there is no better way to make a wrong-doer suffer.

19 Kids and Counting: It’s like the Brady Bunch on steroids without the fun parts (hard to imagine). 19, 20, 97 Kids and Counting… it’s enough to make anybody celibate for 25 to life.

Shaq VS: Having to watch the self proclaimed Shaqtastic, Shaqtacular Jolly Culturally Irrelevant Giant attempt to beat sports pros – and lose – would be torture. It’s just flat out ridiculous. He couldn’t even beat Justin Bieber (I wish I was joking).

Deal or No Deal: You think you’re not interested. Then all of a sudden you are sweating under the arms and screaming at the contestant “no deal! No deal!” while Howie Mandal smirks off in the corner. All to have it end with a briefcase full of 1 cent. It’s enough to make anyone go crazy.

Bridezillas: It’s bad enough that someone has to marry these crazy bitches. It’s TV’s version of water boarding for the unlucky people who have to watch it.

Lopez Tonight: George Lopez wouldn’t know late night entertainment if it hit him in the head, and that’s a big target. An hour of loud, incoherent jokes and high pitched one-liners. Save it for Mencia, George.

Secret Life of the American Teenager:  Religion and sex brought to you by ABC Family. This batch of ungrateful teenagers would make anybody nuts, as they argue about Jesus and babies and baby Jesus.

Jerseylicious: More like Jerseytrocious.

Rachel Ray Show: It’s like one overdrawn episode of MADE: Oprah. Rachel Ray just can’t get enough of the sound of her own annoying voice. One day of sammy’s and EVOO and inmates will be begging for solitary confinement.

Tool Academy: Watching intolerable douche bags who are encouraged to show their incredible amounts of douchebaggery should rehabilitate even the hardest of criminals in under an hour.

The Sarah Silverman Program: Remember that time Sarah Silverman did a bit at the VMAs three years ago? Yeah, me neither. Because she’s a comedic disaster who makes the audience feel not only uncomfortable, but awkward.

Clean House: You want this to clean your house? Yes, she is as crazy as she looks. Now all you need to add to make someone repent for their sins is the token gay design guy, southern belle house maid, and decently attractive carpenter. Check, check aaaand check.

The O’Reilly Factor: This should just be deemed cruel and unusual.

10 Comments on "TV Shows Worse Than the Death Penalty"

  1. Bailey says:
    Thu, 23rd Sep 201012:33 pm 

    You don't like Tool Academy?? Totally my guilty pleasure. Some of them are CRAZY, but by the end of the season, some of them really do seem to change, or at least to see what they're doing wrong. For those people, I think it's worth it.

    Unfortunately, didn't work for my ex, who insisted we watch it every week when it aired (we're both VH1 junkies, it may or may not be how we started dating) – too bad he didn't pick up on any of the lessons, haha.

  2. Sy says:
    Thu, 23rd Sep 20108:18 pm 

    This was very funny lol…

  3. Emily says:
    Thu, 23rd Sep 20108:47 pm 

    Ok, every single one of those shows is lame, except Shaq Vs.

    I don't always watch it, but it is always funny when I do. YOU may not like Shaq, but he is one of the most well-liked people in the world of pro sports. The reason? He's not a jerk, he's family-friendly, and he's overall a giant. Oh, and he has quite a few championships under his belt. Culturally, he is well-recognized, and while his career isn't what it used to be, he is still an icon. Why WOULDN'T you want him on primetime TV for an hour every week on a feel-good show that takes him out of his element and samples the sporting world? Sure, the show isn't amazing. I do agree that it's not the most entertaining thing in the world, but some might argue that about Dancing With The Stars, which I find to be worse than some of the stuff you listed. I just don't think you should be so negative about Shaq, or his overall positive show for that matter. Some of your points on other shows are valid, but I think you tried to hard to be a snarky and it made you come off as a complete witch. Kind of reminds me of the bikini flaws and ugly siblings article from earlier this year….

  4. Nikita says:
    Thu, 23rd Sep 201010:55 pm 

    I don't understand that 19 Kids and Counting show. I watch it every now and then but I get SO angry when they name the kids. All of their names start with J. WTF. I hate when people do that. And if they wanted so many kids, why didn't they just ADOPT?? Don't they realize how many orphans are out there?? They could Brangelina to shame! I mean, come on! And then they're just going to keep on reproducing until the Lord stops them. Jeeeeeeze.

    I also hate Secret Life. Horrible acting. I just want to hit my head on the wall whenever I hear someone saying what a great show it is. >_<

    I like watching Clean House because I think it's hilarious/horrifying at the same time. I get angry when I watch that too. These people complain that they haven't been able to walk through their house for 10 years because of all of their stuff. WELL SUCK IT UP AND GO THROUGH THAT SHIT. I don't understand how it's even possible to let your house get that dirty. Really??????? But it's entertaining. I love seeing the clean, newly redecorated rooms afterward. XD

  5. Lucy says:
    Fri, 24th Sep 20101:55 pm 

    YES! And props especially on Sarah Silverman..who the hell thinks she's funny?

  6. Apostate says:
    Wed, 29th Sep 20109:28 am 

    Excellent compilation. I'd like to add that "Jersey Shore", "The Real Housewives" franchise and,regrettably,"American Idol" are the TV equivalents of really bad fungal infections…..

  7. Leigha says:
    Wed, 6th Oct 20104:26 pm 

    Feel free to add any reality show ever made (although I'll admit that I did like Queen Bees…but come on, how can you compare making snobby bitchy girls nice to…uh…voting people off an island?)

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