I’m A Chick and Tucker Max is My Hero
I have a confession to make. And it falls somewhere between extremely saddening and super confusing:
Tucker Max is my hero.
I understand if you’re so angry your vision is blurred and you can no longer read this article. However, I think you should take a moment to clear your head and absorb what I’m about to write.
When I first walked into Barnes and Noble on a quest to buy Tucker Max’s first book, ‘I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell‘ I was nervous and slightly excited. I’d been hearing so much about it, I couldn’t resist reading it. So I brought it home, tried to cover it up with a magazine from my roommates and dug in.
I sat in my bed for three hours, missed the premiere of ‘Project Runway’ and finished it in one sitting. The book was pure gold. He was a complete and utter a-hole and it was so amazingly brilliant I wanted to put the book on a pedestal in my room labeled: Pagan among a-holes. Unable to keep it to myself, I ran into the living room, waved the book over my head and shouted to (at?) my roommates how amazing Tucker Max was. The girls responded in a variety of ways, but mostly by looking at me like I had just told them I had a collection of gnomes in my basement.
They were scared.
And now, four years later, Tucker Max is coming out with his second a-hole book called, “A**holes Finish First,” because, according to Tucker Max himself, “What do you do when you’ve become rich and famous for writing a #1 best-selling book about your drunken, sexual misadventures? I’ll tell you what I do: I write another effing book.” It’s in stores today, September 28th, in case you want to change your life. And I’m so excited.
I understand it’s a little weird for a chick to be totally obsessed with Tucker Max. I get it – he’s a dick. OK, maybe ‘dick’ is an understatement. He is an extremely offensive, terrible human being. In all of his stories, he totally degrades women, uses them and blatantly says incredibly offensive things about them. But I don’t love him because I want him in the sack or because I believe his rants are necessarily great for our society (even if he did once make a very good point); I love him because he is a outlet of hilarity I simply cannot resist.
Now, before you stalk my life and attempt to ruin it, hear me out. Essentially, I’m confused as you are about my kudos for Mr. Max. Sure, go ahead and blame me for being the typical stupid college girl who loves a-holes. But, let’s be honest here, ladies: don’t all women love the bad guy? Maybe it’s his honesty I love most about him. He is a brutally, fatally honest ass hat. His books are so juicy and wonderful, I want to give him a hug. Or maybe he’s insecure and I secretly feel bad for him. Or may his one-liners (and rants about McGriddles) are worth my weight in gold nuggets.
I don’t support his actions and it feels weird to fork my money over to the kind of douchey frat boy my friends and I loathe, but I can’t help it. And I don’t care what anyone says, I will scream it on roof tops: Tucker Max is my hero.