Tuffy Luv Tackles Nice Guys…To The Ground

September 28, 2010 1:00 pm     Posted in Other Stories  Tuffy Luv g+ page

[Want Tuffy Luv to answer your question? Email her at tuffy@collegecandy.com.]


By Tuffy Luv

Dear Tuffy Luv,

Here’s my dilemma. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about 7 months. He’s great, really into me and always doing anything he can to make me happy. At first, all the “you’re so beautiful and perfect” blah blah comments were cute and flattering, as any girl would think, but he’s still doing it now, to an extreme, and it’s a little…annoying.

I mean, every girl needs a little bad boy now and then; not a mush ball ALL THE TIME. Sometimes I wonder if I’m with him because I’m afraid no one else will treat me as well as he does, but other times, I love being with him. Am I forcing it? Am I leading him on? Should I end it now, before things get further along? UGH

~Overloved

Dear Overloved,

Honey, you need to sit this boy down and tell him to cut that sh*t out.

It’s great to be flattered, but it’s only great if you know it’s sincere. And to Tuffy, it sounds like this is exactly the problem. How are you supposed to know he means it if he says it all the fricking time?!

Guys are always complaining that girls don’t like nice guys, why can’t girls like nice guys, girls are stupid for not liking nice guys, blah blah blah save your breath, jerks. Girls like nice guys. We just don’t like guys to butter us up like a fat guy’s doorway.

Compliments are nice, but your boy needs to learn to save them for when he really means it.

Besides, all this talk of being “perfect” is downright creepy. Yeah, I’m sure he means it in a flattering way, but, to me (and probably to you since you wrote to Tuffs about it), it seems kind of pathetic. I mean, you guys should be equals in the relationship. Why is he trying to put you on a pedestal?

It’s been my experience that guys who do that tend to have the whole Madonna/Whore complex: a girl is perfect until she disappoints them and then she’s completely evil. Both extremes are effed up.

My suggestion is this, Overloved: Ask your boy if he knows he’s acting this way and if he knows why. Have a really good, non-judgmental discussion about it (tell him it bothers you, but do it kindly and make sure he knows you appreciate his intent). Then give him two weeks to get it together.

If you still feel uncomfortable after two weeks, it may be time to move on. Just don’t move onto some other guy who treats you badly to compensate. If I get a letter from you as “Underloved,” I will cut you.

Hey, but drop me an email and let me know how it goes!

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv

11 Comments on "Tuffy Luv Tackles Nice Guys…To The Ground"

  1. k says:
    Tue, 28th Sep 20108:52 am 

    This is my boyfriend 100%, it has become so terrible over 2 years. He has the Madonna/Whore complex; he doesn't like having sex with me because I'm so "pure" (I disagree completely and it makes me uncomfortable and guilty that I want to have sex ALOT) I feel horrible because I love being with him, he treats me so incredibly wonderful (i seriously think no other guy could treat better) but all passion and bad boy attitude are gone. EVERYTHING is predictable.

    WHAT DO I DO???

  2. wow says:
    Tue, 28th Sep 201012:10 pm 

    I LOVED THIS ARTICLE. As soon as I read the frist few sentences I was like, this is ME. Or at least it used to be. My ex was just like this. He was SO incredibly nice and sweet and complimentary and downright mushy that, well, to be honest it quickly began to annoy the hell out of me. That may sound ungrateful, but when you're in that position, you'll find out just how true it is. I know he meant well, and we're still really good friends even though we're broken up now, but sometimes too much is simply too much. Best of luck to you and your boyfriend though, maybe you can fix it before it really starts to get bad.

    Just a sidenote- I like nice guys, I really do. But guys, you can't, as Tuffy said it, put a girl on a pedestal like that. You're making yourself pathetic in her eyes, and that's not what she wants. Occasional compliments are great, but don't overdo it. You gotta have some self respect!

  3. criolle johnny says:
    Tue, 28th Sep 201012:54 pm 

    There's a darn good reason we put girls up on a pedestal (or down in the gutter). That way we can look up your skirt or down your blouse!

  4. pleh says:
    Tue, 19th Oct 20105:50 pm 

    That's a good point – it seems all great until you do fail to live up to their impossible expectations and then you become shit. I have felt that pressure in a relationship before and it makes you scared to be yourself, to risk doing something that he won't approve of. And the problem is that if you say anything about it, they can use it against you in that "oh so I'm being TOO nice" way which is so manipulative.

  5. simon zulu says:
    Wed, 9th Mar 20115:15 pm 

    jst wonderin hw kd u becum a bad boy without eva offendin yo girl?

  6. PHIL R. says:
    Fri, 25th Jan 20136:08 pm 

    typical young female respones to this question…. it never cese to amaze me (and other nice guys as well) he's so nice to me(all the time and treat me so incredbly well) the bad boy (seemingly has all the passion or so it seems.)
    tha bad boy attitude (an supposed confidence that gets him laid so often) until the girl finally realizes that their call
    a bad boy for a reason. Basically they have no real feelings for said girl(which is why they'll flirt and cheat behind said girls back (surprising thing is that predcable guy who treats her so well in 95% of the time wouldn't do.) Its great that you might want t have sex alot.
    How would you want your guy to thnk of you as a peice of ass that he can have at any time and just as easily discarded. Or something secial to be cherished and at special time share together. (many nice men have been
    taught from early childhood to treat girls as special … because all gil want a nice guy to marry…and to stay away from sex until married…and quess who tells them these things…. interestingly enough dear old mom… wonder if she lied to them.

  7. PHIL R. says:
    Fri, 25th Jan 20136:48 pm 

    Lol … you know there is a plorific amount of advice given o nthis subject.some good some bad. t th girl who has_the boyfriend who treats her so well , you mention the passion and bad boy attitudes. well most know or should know by now tey do not make for long term relatinships. nice guys put theirgirsup on pedestals for a reason … its because the girl IS SPECIALTO HIM..
    AND
    WHAT MAKES IT EVEN MORE AMAZING IS THAT after a girl has had several rounds of the bad boys they say i want someone who treat me well

  8. PHIL R. says:
    Fri, 25th Jan 20137:02 pm 

    ok, another thought girls your nice guy
    whose treated you so well in the relationship has done his job
    i wonder if he has ever thought or said or printed on some website a complaint such as she's too frisky and wants me to have sex with her all the time. and its annoying to be pestered about sex because i want a virgin for a bride if our relationship goes that far . she's beautiful inso many ways except for te sex thing .
    so girl what have you done in this relationship … surprisingly complain on a pubic website . look at the above
    posts by the girls who are being treated so well.

  9. PHIL R. says:
    Fri, 25th Jan 20137:43 pm 

    i'm sorry if i hit a nerve . most nice guys already know what they want when young teens however most young teen girls and some women up till the age of 30 really don't . they keep going for the bad boys thinking how fine and sexy they are . the nice guys are accused of being doormats and wimp for being too nice (imagine that)
    by the time she wakes up to reality she's midtwenties to near 30 used and abused bythe badboys who cheated on her in their short marriage/s leaving her with several kids.she the realizes she wants a nice guy who will treat her like a princess. if ask why they didn't go for the nice guy to start out with you'll hear . i didn't know what i wanted in a guy. the nice guy i called pathetic beause he's nice to girls when young when women say when older they made mistakes when datng the bad boys instead of the nice ,boring,pedictable,sweet,caring nice guy. it realy makes one wonder who was pathetic

  10. PHIL R. says:
    Fri, 25th Jan 20137:55 pm 

    so quess what i'm tryng tell you girls/women is that if you he a guy that is that good to you now you better stick with him because he'll be there all the way and he'll never stop loving or caring for you as long as you recipercate in like manner . its very well possible you may not find another guy that will treat you well.
    so you girls/women have a choice to make. so make it a good one.

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