True Story: My Parents Divorced When I Was in College

October 16, 2010 1:00 pm     Posted in Reality  Katie - Michigan State University g+ page

I think most people look back on their college years with nostalgia, wishing for the sunny football Saturdays, the insane parties, and even the long weeknights nights spent in the library. I’m no different, of course, having had a similar experience with every other American college student. However, my memories are shadowed with another powerful memory: that of my parents’ divorce. I was 19 and in my sophomore year when I heard the news.


By Katie

Whatever age you are, wherever you are in your life, hearing that your parents are getting divorced kinda rocks your world (not in a good way). I felt like my family was breaking. What’s worse is that I had no idea it was coming. I lived on campus at my school, which was a six-hour drive from my home. I talked to my parents often on the phone, but the kind of things that hint at divorce don’t really get translated during a bi-weekly chat. It was almost as if I was six-years-old again; too young to understand the situation, excluded from all the arguments.

The day I found out was one of the rare occasions when my mom and my sister came to visit me at school. They were there to pick me up and take me on a road trip to my Aunt’s house, just one hour away. I finished my classes, packed my bag, and watched movies with my friend until they arrived. I didn’t immediately know anything was wrong until I got in the car. The mood was tense, false…what was supposed to be a relaxing family weekend already felt uncomfortable and forced. Soon it was out – my parents were getting divorced.

I felt attacked. I felt like it was my fault. Why didn’t I see it coming? Most overwhelmingly, I felt helpless. There was nothing I could do – I didn’t live at home anymore and I didn’t even know the entire situation. My mom and dad could have been fighting for months and I wouldn’t have known. I felt like my entire family had been hiding this from me and I resented them all. As childish as that sounds, the feeling persisted for several months. I stopped calling home as frequently and my relationship with my mom in particular (who initiated the divorce) deteriorated to the point where I no longer shared anything with her. I was quietly furious and, since I had no way to vent my frustrations (either physically or verbally), my attitude kept getting worse.

After a while, I got tired of being angry. I saw how futile it was for me to be upset about something I couldn’t have prevented or even really guessed at. Maybe I was growing up or maybe through my own experiences, I realized that relationships sometimes just don’t work out. My parents live separately now and my mom has remarried. My sense of “home” has changed radically – I now call my grandparents’ house home and spend most of my holidays there.

Other than that, I can’t feel any big differences. I still live away from home (in fact, now I live farther away than ever) and I talk to each of my parents as often as possible. I guess if I don’t really think about it, things are the same as ever. The love is still there. My family somehow seems closer than ever because of our shared experience.

The big question is:  did my parent’s divorce overshadow the golden memories of my college years? Of course not. Home life and college life operate on two separate planes (at least for me) and nothing could make my time at university anything other than what it was:  pure awesomeness.

Anyone else out there deal with a divorce in college? How did you handle it?

10 Comments on "True Story: My Parents Divorced When I Was in College"

  1. Gaby says:
    Sat, 16th Oct 20103:09 pm 

    I have to agree, it is a painful experience. I am also a sophomore at my local uni but I live at home and commute everyday. My parents told me they were going to get divorced on the first day of my college last year and recently my Mother has been planning on moving out of the house. Dealing with stress from exams and papers is more than enough but having to add in family stress makes your head want to explode!

    Thank you for this story :)

  2. a says:
    Sat, 16th Oct 20105:17 pm 

    I really enjoyed reading this. When I was in my senior year in college my parents divorced. At first it was difficult dealing with how hard it was on me. I felt a little guilty for letting it create such an impact on my life at the time seeing as my friends had gone through this during elementary school, middle and high school. I was an adult. I shouldn't be letting it get me down like it was. But you are absolutely right. No matter what age, it completely rocks your world. Thank you for sharing this with us. I hope it helps others going through this right now!

  3. Allie says:
    Sun, 17th Oct 201010:17 am 

    This hit me so hard. I found out my parents were getting divorced when I went home for Christmas break. But they'd been in the process of separating well before then. I was angry even though I know they didn't want anything to distract me from doing well on my exams. Unfortunately the split was nasty and even in my sophomore year I still have to deal with the fallout. It's always hard whether your nine or nineteen. But I'm trying to not have my college years tainted by divorce. Thank you for the story, it's nice to know I'm not alone.

  4. chesirecat says:
    Sun, 17th Oct 20102:26 pm 

    My version is a little different than yours, since I knew it was coming before I started college. However, when I wasn't it home, it was easier to pretend that nothing was wrong. Things escalated during the summer. It was a strange feeling since I don't feel comfortable sharing what happened with most of my friends, so most of them assume nothing is wrong. Even though I knew it was for the best, I also resented my parents a bit, and I don't feel comfortable calling them as much because I worry I will say the wrong thing. I am glad you are mature enough to see it in the way you do. To be perfectly honest, I think I might still be in the denial stage.

  5. bri says:
    Sun, 17th Oct 20103:34 pm 

    currently dealing with it right now. thanks for this

  6. Kaitlyn says:
    Thu, 28th Oct 20103:18 pm 

    My dad left home (suddenly and without warning) the Sunday of Thanksgiving Break during my FRESHMAN YEAR (aka 2 hours before I was supposed to head back to campus to begin studying for my first finals). At the time, i hadn’t made any close friends at college. I felt so, so alone and betrayed.

    Freshman year was awful.

    Now, I’m a junior and I’ve moved on (as much as I can), but it’s still hard.

  7. kc25 says:
    Sun, 10th Jun 20121:19 pm 

    In two months I will be moving off to college. I will be a freshmen, moving off 4.5 hours from home. I have been so excited for this time in my life and thought nothing could go wrong. I was wrong. Since April I have been dealing with the constant battle of my parents fighting because of a stupid choice my dad had made, now it has turned into my parents divorcing. I don't know what to do. I am an only child who has never had family issues. I have come to the point of not even wanting to go off to school anymore. I can't bare the thought of my parents being alone once I am gone. There is no way I would be able to enjoy it all due to worrying constantly.

  8. dgtucson says:
    Wed, 17th Apr 20138:06 am 

    It is very painful and shameful one matter when parents are go for divorce. Parents should be need to know about their child. Actually, child suffer a big problem in this situation that is a big problem for their growth.

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