The Lost College Stereotypes

By Colleen Leahey, Reporter

According to an article on Gawker, there are only three types of students left in college: the snob, the dropout, and the cheater. We at CollegeCandy found this analysis to be total bullsh*t spewed by someone who hasn’t seen the inside of a lecture hall in 10+ years rather flawed, for it omitted several all-too-common college students.

Based on our own scientific research and findings (read: actually being in college), we have decided to share the stories of the most obvious of Gawker’s lost stereotypes.

These are their stories. [Insert Law and Order 'ching ching' sound here.]

The Intellectual These students love all matters pertaining to philosophy and theory. The metaphysical is their playground, and they play in it 24/7. At a kegger, they will discuss John Rawls Justice as Fairness, arguing its relevance in contemporary policies. They go to college to learn, not to prepare for what’s after their 4-years of dorm dwelling… you know, in that anti-utopian society: the real world.

The Slut The first night of freshman year, she got wasted and gave 4 football players blow jobs (which she may or may not have documented on the Internet). She’ll hook up with anything that breathes, as long as there’s enough alcohol to fuel her decision. Although the double standard is unfair, it’s far from dead and keeps the slut stereotype alive and thriving.

The Druggie Spending 10+ hours in front of the TV, this student rarely goes to class. When entering his/her apartment, prepare to be greeted by a red-eyed, XBox playing 20-something and a mushroom cloud wafting from a three-foot bong. Oh, and watch out for the bong water-soaked rug. Later that night, the same student is overly energetic, his/her pupils so dilated you can barely see their irises. How did they suddenly get such a second wind, you ask? A little drug called cocaine…and a whole lotta Four Loko.

The Frat Star Bro, this kid is sick. He loves pastels, lax pinnys, and crushing brews. He’s got a closet full of classic Nikes with a few pairs of boat shoes mixed in. When he’s not banging chicks, he’s watching football with his bros and talking about banging chicks. All whilst gripping a Red Bull. Sick, dude.

The Gordon Gekko Focused on landing a job on Wall Street, this student is all business. He/she is often spotted in a suit, bag in hand. They know all about the DOW and the daily stock market fluctuations. There is often overlap with the Frat Star and the Druggie. Just ask Bert the Broker. But, no matter his or her personality, this type of student has his/her eyes set on one thing during college: how to make a crapload of money post-graduation.

Tell us: What other college student “stereotypes” are still out there and thriving?