Sexy Time: The “College Experience”

October 28, 2010 9:00 am     Posted in Reality, Relationships, Sex  Ness g+ page

We all make mistakes. One of the biggest ones I’ve made in a while was dating a guy who, quite frankly, didn’t really want to date me. Three months into our relationship I was told that as much as he wanted to be my boyfriend, he also needed a chance to have the “college experience.” This didn’t make a lot of sense to me since the boy was 22, living with his parents and working night shifts at a warehouse. I was the college student, and I didn’t feel like I was missing out on anything. When I asked him to elaborate, he explained that he just really wanted to have sex…. with other people.


By Ness

Why that relationship lasted three months after that, I have no idea.

Sadly, this isn’t a mindset unique to my ex – this idea of college as a place to get laid more than a place of education seems to be rampant among students (and non-students too, apparently). The idea seems to be that having a period of promiscuity and disregard for normal societal behavior is something we all  “deserve.” That there’s no way we could grow up and get married without having had some time to sleep around and be wild and crazy.

It’s no wonder we have this expectation, really — we see movies like American Pie that outline little except for the booze and sex lifestyle, and we read sites like College Candy that tend to talk a lot about the stereotypical college life. When we see a college lady who made a power point of her sexual exploits and Tucker Max making millions off of his “sex” life, what are we supposed to think?

I’m all for (safe) casual sex and a good time, but is it an integral stage in life? Probably not. If not having a slew of partners before entering a relationship leaves you feeling like you’ve missed out – that’s an issue due to your relationship, not due to the fact you don’t have a plethora of sexual experiences previously.

There’s nothing wrong with having a “college experience” – being wild for a couple of years and getting your freak on. But why do so many think this is something we have to experience in order to have a “complete” college life? As though staying in and watching movies on the weekend is somehow a waste of our tuition.

The problem with these expectations comes when those who have built this idea in their head and reach college to realize that, well, it’s just not really like that. Sure, there are opportunities to get half naked, play beer pong, and have some casual sex – but there’s also a lot of cookie dough-eating and Grey’s Anatomy-watching.

What does this mean for those who prefer not to partake in the “crazy” activities – those who are waiting ‘til marriage to get busy, or people who just don’t enjoy the whole casual sex and drinking scene? These people graduate the same as everyone else, and to be honest, I highly doubt that skipping the booze-and-sex makes them feel like they’ve missed out.

There’s always some excitement that comes with the first few months of being away from our parents, living on our own, and able to do pretty much whatever we want. But does that mean we should?  What do you guys think, is the “college experience” and integral part of young adulthood?

18 Comments on "Sexy Time: The “College Experience”"

  1. Kenny says:
    Thu, 28th Oct 20104:44 am 

    I didn't do any of that and I think I had an okay time. One of my high school friends, on the other hand, thought she needed to completely lose her mind. She completely changed and we don't even talk anymore because all she talks about are her dangerous hook-ups and drunken experiences.

  2. Emily says:
    Thu, 28th Oct 20104:55 am 

    I don't think that casual sex and drinking excessively have to be part of the college experience, but I think they are for a lot of people, me included. I see college as a time to let loose and have fun, and for me that involves drinking, but not casual hook ups. I can't do casual hook ups. The honestly just skeeve me out and make me feel trashy, but a lot of my friends have them with no problem and I don't judge. I think everyones college experiences are different and as long as you are happy with yours that is what counts

  3. criolle johnny says:
    Thu, 28th Oct 20105:40 am 

    A college should have:

    1. A quiet place to study.

    2. A safe place to enjoy sex.

    3. Someplace close to park your car.

    The library is a frat bar. The ticket Nazis are every-damned-place.

    What in the hell makes you think …

  4. Brandon@stingycampus says:
    Thu, 28th Oct 20107:23 am 

    I was thinking about this the other. I thought college was going to be a drunken orgy, and it was anything but that. I just graduated and the weird thing is when I look back, I have nostalgia for a college lifestyle I saw in the movies, not the one I actually experienced. Media does really affect how we think college will be and was.

  5. Jill says:
    Thu, 28th Oct 20109:15 am 

    I LOVE this article. It's SO true. Although I had my two years of crazy-ness, I now look back and kind of wonder what it would have been like NOT to do the whole party scene. I almost feel like I missed out by being drunk 50% of my freshmen and sophomore years…it could be more…haha

    Thanks for writing this. Hopefully freshmen will read it and realize that doing the whole sleeping around and getting drunk thing ALL the time isn't really worth it. You could miss out on being with someone really awesome just because you want to be crazy.

  6. CB says:
    Thu, 28th Oct 20109:56 am 

    While I think that the "college experience" is what you make of it, I have no regrets about being in the party and hook up scene. Before college, my days were spent studying, playing video games, and feeling sorry for myself because I never had anything better to do. I was constantly stressed out over my future because it was all I had to look forward to.

    Now, looking back on college, I've realized that I learned to live in the moment and not antagonize over the future. Sure, I still have my five year plan, but that will come later. I started to worry less when I would drink on the weekends (great side effect of alcohol), and that attitude of not freaking out over every little detail eventually sunk into my normal thought process.

  7. jenn says:
    Thu, 28th Oct 20103:30 pm 

    so i was reading this and thinking about the masaai in kenya, they as a culture do have a specific time in life where young men go off and basically hang out with other young men (while learning valuable life skills) and where young women are free to be courted by any of those young men and are encouraged to have sex with them , accept gifts and take advantage of youth. After this stage the women are married off and the men settle down to raise cattle (obviously based this is a generalization and masaai culture like any other is complex and has many reasons for this phenomenon) but i think it does indicate that there is some need, be it natural or social for young people to have a crazy, no responsibilities youth and have casual sex…side note children resulting from these 'hook ups' are accepted into the girls family and may be cared for by a mother or other older women in the home.

  8. JohnE says:
    Fri, 5th Nov 20104:25 am 

    College is a time of freedom with minimal responsibility. It is a time to experience new things and decide what it is you want out of life. I am not saying you need to sleep around but don't lock yourself into something. I had a friend that slept with A LOT of different guys sometimes two or three at a time. She had fun and has no regrets and is now happily married and has three kids. I had a different friend and he was his future wifes first and only partner. Now divorced because she cheated on him so she could see what it was like. You don't need to sleep around but use college as an opportunity to get outside your comfort zone. If you grew up in a hick town go to a gay bar they really are a lot of fun. If you are convinced you need to stay a virgin until you get married at least make out with some random guy in a bar (don't sleep with him) just to see how exciting it feels to do something different. Life is short fill it with interesting people and new experiences.

  9. Anonymus says:
    Fri, 5th Nov 20106:46 am 

    I had a promiscuous time for about 2 years. Now that, I am in a committed relationship, and I'm soon-to-be engaged. It upsets my significant other to hear stories about my past or to talk about it with me. He doesn't love me any less. It just upsets him that other guys got to experience in part, what he gets to experience. I would take it all back if I could. Just be careful, think about your future and that someday you will probably find someone who would prefer for the whole world not to know what you're like in the bedroom.

  10. Cattie says:
    Fri, 5th Nov 20109:04 am 

    As someone who is waiting until marriage to have sex, I can say that I really don't think I'm missing anything. I mean, I'm excited for sex in the future tense, and while I am tempted with lust sometimes, I don't feel an acute need to go out and sleep with random people. My heart and my body mean more to me than that. What's wrong with staying in and reading a book, exactly? Or, when you want to have fun in a more outgoing and extroverted way, going out and having a drink with a friend (if you're of age), seeing a movie, or similar? I'm confused as to why it's necessary to get plastered and do everyone in order to have fun. I feel like you can have fun without doing stupid things you'll regret later. Just sayin'.

  11. Kaity says:
    Sat, 6th Nov 20105:20 am 

    This is a cool article; I can’t stand how college movies just play up the same theme with no originality. It’s weird though; I was pretty promiscuous in high school and now that I’ve spent a couple conservative years in college, idk I’m really embarrassed by my past but I’m glad I didn’t have to take it with me to college. There are a few nights I regret, and a few others I don’t, but either way, one night stands (or is it just when people are so public about it?) kinda cheapen your image.

  12. Jess says:
    Mon, 8th Nov 201010:07 pm 

    This article is AMAZING. It really touches on something that is constantly part of college life. As a girl who spent two years of her college career in a long distance relationship, then started her junior year as a single girl, I thought that I would have this "college experience" finally. But I realized that sleeping around or hooking up with random guys is not what the experience is about for me. For those who it IS for them, great. I love confidence and knowing what you want. But for those who don't do that, it's ok. If you didn't spend your four years doing the walk of shame, you haven't missed out on anything too important for your life journey!

    "I’m all for (safe) casual sex and a good time, but is it an integral stage in life? Probably not. If not having a slew of partners before entering a relationship leaves you feeling like you’ve missed out – that’s an issue due to your relationship, not due to the fact you don’t have a plethora of sexual experiences previously."

    GENIUS.

  13. Motorcycle Parts says:
    Tue, 9th Nov 201011:44 pm 

    I like the confidence and know what you want. But for those who do not have is ok. If you do not spend your four years doing the walk of shame, you do not miss anything too important in your life path!

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