A Do’s and Don’ts Guide to Halloween Hookups

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Dressing up for the sake of looking slutty/clever and amazing for Halloween opens a whole new can of worms for surviving a hook up.  Besides the fact you may be wearing a wig with a hair bow on it (Lady Gaga) or carrying around a stuffed animal full of black paint (BP Oil clean-up), you have to be well prepared for the small obstacles coming your way (especially if you sleep over at your little buddy’s house after you dressed up as Octomom for the evening). You don’t want to make a total mess out of his bed sheets with your clown paint, or accidentally suffocate him with your Go-Go girl blonde afro.

Hooking up in college is an art. Hooking up in college during Halloween weekend is a true feat.

And that’s why we set up a do’s and don’ts guide for your viewing pleasure. Someone’s gotta look out for you, right?  So sit down, take notes, and prepare for the worst most successful Halloween shenanigans yet.

Do: Remove his mask before you leave the party. There’s nothing worse than expecting a Vinny and ending up with a Situation.
Don’t: Let him out of your site. Lord knows there will be a lot of Burger Kings this Hallow’s Eve and you don’t want to end up in a cab with the wrong one.

Do: Wash off the face/body paint before you get into bed.
Don’t:
Use his (or your) bed sheets to soak up the red paint you used as ‘Lady Gaga Paparazzi blood’ for your costume.  If he wakes up red residue soaked through his egg crate, he may be scratching his chin (and calling 911) come morning.

Do: Keep your belongings (ahem keys) with you at all times.  You don’t want to be caught wearing your referee costume in the morning throwing beer cans at the window so your roommate wakes up and lets you in.
Don’t:
Sleep in. Get up and get out of there early to avoid walk of shaming it home in your Super Woman spandex. You know what they always say: the early bird gets the worm lack of embarrassment.

Do: Shove some flippy floppies in your purse for the next morning.  Trust me, a foot-thong is better to walk home in than homemade replicas of Lady Gaga’s Alexander McQueen pumps.
Don’t:
Wear a leotard without the little buttons in the crotch region.  Things could get tricky.

Do: Pack those nifty facial wipes (from the Target dollar aisle) for a little pre-bedtime or early morning clean up.  They work wonders for that smudged mascara that’s making you look like Taylor Momsen after she had sex with Tommy Lee.
Don’t:
Try and get a piggy back ride on your way home from the bar with your undercover lover. Especially if you gotta recycle that costume on Saturday night. What happens when you tear a slit in that Snooki dress or smush those fairy wings? FAIL.

Do: Wear underwear.  I don’t care if you are ‘Britney Spears getting out of a limo.’  Nobody wants to see your goody-goody-gum-drops.  Put a little mystery in your late night love life.
Don’t:
Get a spray tan an hour before you put on your ‘Like a Virgin’ white dress. Let that shiz sit for a while, otherwise he won’t know if he’s hooking up with Madonna, Christina Aguilera after her ‘dirrrrty’ phase or a box of Cheez-Its.

Do: Role play. You’ve already got the costumes, now it’s time to play the part.
Don’t: Forget to be safe. And I’m not just talking about removing the fangs before you get it on.

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