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A Few Signs You’re About To Get Dumped

I think we can all agree: getting dumped sucks.  Especially when you don’t see it coming.  One minute you’ve got a partner in crime, someone to hold your legs as you go for that keg stand record, and the next your cruising the dining hall’s breakfast buffet solo.  And what’s more depressing than making an omelet all by yourself?  Making two, like you’re used to, but wolfing both down without the help of your best dude.

Well, ladies, I can’t convince this guy to stick with you.  But I can help you recognize some of the signs that your time as one half of your favorite duo is about to expire.  What’s that they say about the best defense being a good offense?  Well, I say the best defense is knowing you’re getting dumped so you can be drunk when it happens.

Here we go.  You might want to start drinking if…

He stops returning calls/emails/texts/sexts.
So you send him a late night “I want you in my bed.  Naked.  Now.” and it goes unanswered.  No response.  Then you follow it up with something a little more descriptive.  Nada.  And finally you resort to pix message.  Still no answer.  Either your dude is dead (unlikely) or he just doesn’t really care how good your boobs look in the warm glow of your cell phone.

He avoids important conversations.
You’ve been feeling a little neglected lately and you suggest a State of the Union talk over drinks at your place.  Nothing major, no pressure.  Just making sure you’re still on the same page.  You think it’s important, he insists going on a Wednesday night bender with his buddies is more important.  You’d like a little clarification on things now, he’s suggesting it’s not needed and that he’ll gchat you some time next week.  You still care about him, he regrets dating you more than his weak fantasy draft picks.

He devotes more time to his schoolwork than to your relationship.
This is a tricky one.  I bet you’re thinking it’s a good thing if your guy is devoted to his scholarly endeavors.  It is.  But no one can simultaneously work towards a degree in advanced neuroscience and also win Boyfriend of the Year.  It’s an either or scenario, and you’ll likely be the odd man out.

He’s cheating on you with another dude.
He’s probably gay.  And you’re probably getting dumped.

He picks fights over insignificant issues.
Why’d you leave his basketball outside?  Why do you have to go to the gym at the same effing time that he does?  Why do you have to breathe so loudly?  Why the f*ck do you always text your whore of a roommate!?  If he’s going from Romeo to Chris Brown in thirty seconds, I’m not sure if he’ll dump you…but you might want to dump him.

    Related TopicsLove dumped ex Love Relationship
    Comments

    Comments

    1. Sarah says:

      #3 is a tricky one, like you said, but I don't agree that it's an either/or situation. If he acknowledges what he's doing and is apologetic about it, but still shows he cares by, say, giving you a quick call or text every day, I definitely don't think you're going to get dumped! Sometimes we have to put in the extra effort if he can't – my boyfriend's working on a comedy career and a TV show at the moment and has virtually no spare time, so I go around to his house and help him out with editing and giving him feedback. If your guy is studying, arrange a study sesh with him or help him by testing him on his material, whatever. If you can't get on with the rest of your lives while you're in a relationship, it's safe to say it's not going to last very long outside of college.

      The others are pretty straightforward…

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    3. Liz says:

      All of these are so obvious NOW, but when I was in the process of getting dumped last month I tried not to see them. Ughh.

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    8. annoyed says:

      why would you EVER make it seem okay to send naked pics?! ugh, guys show those as soon as they dump your ass.

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    23. TrollKingdom says:

      You women can be real assholes in how much time and attention you demand from men. Your number three is one reason I failed several classes and had to change majors. It's never cool to start relationship drama during someone finals or when they really have to focus on school to not be a drop out.

    24. Anonymouse says:

      Devoting more time to your schoolwork IS more important than a stupid relationship anyday. Does anyone really think they're going to meet some rich prince charming and he'll shower you with gifts and money for the rest of your life? I made a deal with my fiance that for the last 6 months of my education, we see each other on weekends only – so that I can concentrate on getting stellar grades and starting a great career. This is the foundation for a good relationship – two people who can take care of themselves deciding to blend their lives.

      Anyone suggesting that you have to make your partner a priority over your education surely doesn't have much of one themselves.

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