I like sex.
Okay, I love sex. I prefer to have it multiple times a day. And maybe I enjoy blowjobs more than the average girl (giving 6 a day on a weekend is normal, right?). I’ve had sex in some pretty ridiculous places. Roofs. Cars. Stairwells. I think dressing up and dirty talk are super fun and healthy activities. I kind of get mad if I don’t get it every night. And when I masturbate I can’t stop at just one orgasm (and, trust me, can go upwards of twenty). I unabashedly love porn. I have vibrators and I’m not afraid to use them. The only claim to sexual “shame” I’ve got is that I’ve never had an orgasm from penetration only – but I guess that’s a common thing.
But does that mean I have an addiction?
I don’t, won’t and never have had multiple partners at once. I’m able to get my work done without being distracted by sex. Of course there are times when I allow myself to wander onto porn when I should be studying, but I would never, ever do that at my job or skip important obligations to do so. I am not hooking up with random guys or guys that I’m not fully committed to. I’m not having dangerous, violent, unsafe or illegal sex. I just really, really, really REALLY like it.
I’ve always been very sexually charged in relationships (and again, very safe and exclusive) and even more so on my own. I can still remember my first orgasm like it was yesterday and how I repeated that feeling over and over every day when I was “showering” from age twelve on. I think it got even crazier with my first serious boyfriend in college. I’d had boyfriends but never got intimate with them and then I started mixing alcohol with romance. Once I was able to lubricate (ha ha?) my mind, I started to experiment more. And more. And finally, once I was 100% confident with myself in the bedroom, got even more experimental sans booze. I became uninhibited and wanted to try new things all the time. And my guy at the time was totally comfortable with it, to the point that it made our necessary break-up almost impossible, majorly due to the fantastic sex.
Now, I’ve moved onto a different (again, serious, exclusive) relationship…. with a man who is totally shocked by my behavior in bed. Like, to the point where he’s brought up addiction more than once.
To say it terrified me is akin to saying I sorta like gettin’ it on. Read: major understatement.
It made me question my sexual side, my desires, my fantasies.
Am I addicted or just super overly sexual?
Is there a difference?
With all these celebs checking into sex rehab and even Doctor Drew creating a show to cure it, it has me wondering and even a little scared if I really do have an addiction. It must be bad if a rehab exists for it, right? And I’m sure I’ve got the symptoms, like when my boyfriend doesn’t want to sleep with me after an exhausting, grueling day and I get mad. Not just irritated, full-blown silent-treatment, crazy girl angry.
The media (and Tiger Woods) tells us that guys are the sex-obsessed ones. Am I an exception to the rule? Am I a “slut” because I indulge in self-pleasure and sexual intimacy with men I’m in love with? Should I change who I am or is there even a problem?