Victoria’s Secret Models: Pretty Little Liars

November 29, 2010 5:00 pm     Posted in Entertainment, HaHa  Brittany - University of Saint Thomas g+ page

Cheeseburgers and soul food, my ass.

In a few days, I will sit down with my Thanksgiving leftovers and watch Victoria’s Secret models strut down the runway wearing moon boots and neon Pink spaghetti strap tops.  Rest assured, I will ogle at their non-existent fat, their perfectly tanned abs, and luscious extensions. I will see myself, flawless, wearing a freaky Pink concoction, and shove the last bite of stuffing in my mouth.  I will wonder how the models are able to walk, even though they are structured like Barbie dolls.


By Brittany

I will hate every single perfect model, not because they are perfect (OK, maybe a little bit because they’re so freaking perfect), but because they are big not so fat liars.

No, I’m not talking about the whole “false advertisement” aspect of those overly padded bras.

What I’m referring to is a recent newscast in which the Victoria’s Secret models sat down to have a little discussion about their number one BFF on the planet: food.  According to the leggy ladies, they love, love, love to eat – everything from cheeseburgers to soul food – especially before a Victoria’s Secret fashion show!

Pause.
Process.
Rage.

You’ve got to be f**king kidding me.

Call me crazy, but the last time I ate a cheeseburger with fries, I didn’t feel like putting on a pair of skinny jeans, let alone ripping it up on the runway in front of millions of people while wearing go go boots and wings. And contrary to what these bombshells are sayin’, I’m pretty confident every woman on earth would agree with me. Look Angels, anyone with a brain and a pulse knows you models don’t go gaga for a Jucy Lucy.  And if you do, you aren’t gorging on one before (or within 6 months of) a VS Miracle Bra photo shoot or runway show.

Let’s get real here. Stop with the games and just tell us the truth – you do a BioCleanse, eat celery for the days leading up to the runway show and pray the combination of hunger and the heat from all those camera flashes doesn’t make you pass out in your lacy thong.

I know what you’re doing. You think talking about fatty, delicious food will make you more “real” and make the rest of us mere mortals feel better about ourselves. But – NEWSFLASH – it doesn’t. In fact, it’s making me feel worse (which is making me want a brownie….) When I see your perfectly sculpted body in my monthly VS catalog or those never-ending legs come walking down the runway, I want to know how hard you worked to get there, not how much you claim to love chili fries. My jiggly thighs want to imagine the hours you spent in the gym while I laid on my couch with a bag of Doritos. My cellulite speckled ass wants to hear about the Bikram classes you took painfully early on Sunday mornings while I slept off a hangover. My under arm fat wants to feel your hunger pangs after a lunch of lettuce with a little balsamic vinegar sprinkled on top while I was mowing down a Chipotle burrito.

Not one ounce of me wants to hear that you gorge on mac ‘n cheese for every meal and still look like that. I don’t buy it so stop it. Stop lying. Stop pretending. Stop talking about cheese grits (mostly because it’s making me hungry). Just tell it like it is, 6-hour workouts and all. Then put on those boy shorts and padded bras and do what you do best: look hot nearly naked so I’ll see you looking perfect and want to buy whatever you’re wearing.

That is all.

35 Comments on "Victoria’s Secret Models: Pretty Little Liars"

  1. girlnextdoorfashion says:
    Mon, 29th Nov 20105:34 pm 

    i absolutely love this because I agree with every part of it.
    i wish they wouldn't pretend that we could all look like that without trying.
    because i sure as hell don't.

    charlotte http://www.girlnextdoorfashion.net

  2. Luxe says:
    Mon, 29th Nov 20106:33 pm 

    A lot of skinny people have fast metabolisms and that's why they're skinny – why is this surprising?

  3. Brittany says:
    Mon, 29th Nov 20107:30 pm 

    These girls and skinny with no chests….the bras make them look like they have boobs but none of them can have more than a B cup or those aren't Victoria Secret bras they are wearing…I'm a 36 DD/DDD and Victoria Secret (the almighty perpetrator of looking busty) doesn't even carry my size of bra. When I asked a sales lady she said that select styles go to a DD but those were the really ugly bras!…so Victoria Secret is actually more about making girls with a/b cups look they have D cups rather than selling sexy lingerie to women! So next time you see these girls that seem to look ultra skinny with a great rack…its the bra, those girls probably have the small boobs to match their small waistline!!! That is why I will never shop at Victoria Secret! But I guess if you're paying for a $50 dollar bra it should make you look like you just got a boob job!

  4. Aubrey says:
    Mon, 29th Nov 20107:50 pm 

    It's the same thing we all do, well at least my girls and I do. Sure we love to pig out on Habit burgers, Chipotle burritos, and the 5 AM Jack in the Box drunken meals! But when we know we have a party to go to where clothes are really not an option (Hello theme party!), we're not eating that and we're hitting the gym HARD. And some of my friends have a fast metabolisms and some of them don't, it's all genetics.

    If we want those bodies, we have to work just as hard as they do. That's really all there is to it!

  5. alexandra says:
    Mon, 29th Nov 20109:04 pm 

    This has been my favorite article I've read here in a long time. Do I like the fact that the gorgeous girls at the top of their industry are pushing being healthy and real and eating real food? Yes I do. But honestly, we all know there is a difference between them eating an organic, farm-fed, home grilled, lean meat burger on wheat once a month and me laying in bed hoovering mcdonalds angus wraps while I do my bio homework twice a week. If they talked about how hard it is to not eat fast food in their busy lives and trying to keep up with workouts in between traveling, THEN I would be impressed. Should we all aspire to feel like they do—healthy and happy, while still pretty much perfect and gorgeous? Yup, and kudos to them. But for now I am going to roll my eyes because I'm not living in fairytale world and I'm a college student, not a supermodel.

  6. Stacia says:
    Mon, 29th Nov 20109:38 pm 

    Man, I just think that the real VS models (e.g. Gisele Bundchen, Tyra Banks, etc), you know the really gorgeous and CURVY ones, have all retired, and the new generation models here are just selling VS products without really understanding how a professional model should communicate to consumers, the REAL way.

  7. meggurz says:
    Mon, 29th Nov 201010:13 pm 

    I'm 5 foot 7 and have 115lbs since i was 14 yrs old….no ridiculous exercise, no diets, nothing…I eat what I want, when I want, and however much I frackin' feel like. Why so nasty?

  8. amy says:
    Mon, 29th Nov 201010:13 pm 

    lol okay, keep telling yourself they're lying so you don't have to blame yourself. I'm not saying that you have to believe that they eat cheeseburgers, but do you have to claim that all they do is starve themselves?

  9. Elizabeth says:
    Mon, 29th Nov 201010:20 pm 

    You need to read this article just posted from Yahoo:
    http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/beauty/the-secret-…

    This is only one VS model, but she works out before the fashion show from 7am til 8pm.

    They work out a lot, that is why they have the perfect body. They burn everything they ate, off.

  10. getreaal says:
    Mon, 29th Nov 201011:04 pm 

    loooooooooooooooove!

  11. Gwenivere says:
    Tue, 30th Nov 20104:15 am 

    This post was hilarious. I know some people are offened because they think the writer is being too snarky about how those girls stay thin but, Tyra Banks is a perfect example of how they stay thin. She even admitted herself the reason why she gained weight after she left VS was because she wasn’t eating and exercising like she was when she was with them. I know some people will make the argument that some girls are just born thin and that might be true, but their bodies are also very fit and that is only going to come from exercising. I’m sure they indulge in stuff when they want to, but to say that you eat a cheeseburger right before you walk down a runway is just laughable. Like this post. I think we need to see the humor in things and not take everything so literal.

  12. Cymbria says:
    Tue, 30th Nov 201011:57 am 

    I so want a brownie right now! Metabolisms vary – kudos to those gals for capitalizing on their genetic jackpots! But perfection is a tricky business, and thongs never lie. Oh wait… yes they do, but only with the help of umpteen layers of body makeup!

  13. Melissa says:
    Tue, 30th Nov 20102:52 pm 

    Actually, their trainer was just interviewed and said that they work out for hours, start to prepare for the show 6 months in advance, and are on very strict Blood Type diets. I knew there was no way it could be true! To me, it's almost condescending when they try to make it sound like they sit around eating fries and burgers all day and still manage to be super skinny. It's not shameful to admit they work for it like the rest of us!

  14. Bri says:
    Tue, 30th Nov 20106:43 pm 

    You might be natural/y skinny with a high metabolism and be able to eat anything and always be thin, and so am I, but its not the same. These models aren't just naturally thin, they have noticeable abbs and sculpted arms and legs. No one is just naturally all fit by doing nothing. There is a HUGE difference between being skinny and being fit. Im naturally thin and pretty much eat anything, but I am in no way super fit like these models. They might be naturally thin and can eat whatever they want without gaining weight but they surely don't gain muscle by doing nothing, that just doesn't happen. But I do agree that when people bash models for being skinny and they're obviously unhealthy and starve themselves that it's not always fair. I mean I certainly don't starve myself and I'm pretty close to being unhealthily thin, some people are just built that way. But there is always the other side where people do have unhealthy habits. It's hard to know really whether people are naturally that way or work for it.

  15. Kerry says:
    Wed, 1st Dec 201011:29 pm 

    I'm sure they do eat what they want once in a while. They're not skinny, they're fit. There's a difference.

    Skinny is when you have no substance to you what so ever: no fat, no muscle. These women have muscles! The more muscle you have the more you can eat; your body burns it faster. Plus they're gonna hit the gym for a three or four hours right after they munch on a burger, most of those calories will be gone.

    I'm not nearly as nicely sculpted as those women but I have a good figure because I work out and maintain muscle mass. Oh, and I eat burgers every once in a while. :)

  16. sarah says:
    Wed, 1st Dec 201011:56 pm 

    I'm tired of chicks talking about their damn metabolisms like OMG! I'm skinny like that but I'm not anorexic OMG you're sooooooooo jealous. I'm just soooooo pretty like this models like OMG!!!!!!!! This post is funny, VS models are ridiculously in shape and perfect. Except it. Don't try to prove something by bragging about your metabolism and what not.

  17. JRonnie says:
    Fri, 3rd Dec 20108:44 pm 

    Well I'm 5 foot 9 and 108 pounds. So call me Mario because you just got one up'd. Bitch.

  18. han says:
    Thu, 9th Dec 20104:56 pm 

    THANK YOU for posting this. Seeing all the facebook status' that night sayin "watching the amazing VS Fashion show!!! EEE~!!!!" blah blah blah while I'm like REALLY???? They are liars, and a misrepresentation of beauty. Women are beautiful without 6 hour training days, starving themselves, and making sure to where padded push-ups. AND THE FACT that they lie about what they are eating just makes it laughable.

  19. Morgan says:
    Sat, 11th Dec 20102:13 am 

    I eat whatever I want and I’m fit…not skinny, fit. I believe them. You can eat what you like but get off your arse once in a while. It’s not like they said “I just eat, put on stilts and strut.” You can live that way if you balance it out with a good work out.

  20. Kristen says:
    Fri, 7th Jan 20116:36 pm 

    there hot but some people are to lasy to realize how hard those girls really work you shouldnt apply to all of those girls . I dont have to work hard to stay skinny but I understand people who do and I respect that.

  21. clark says:
    Sat, 22nd Jan 20118:21 pm 

    she is just jealous that he cannot eat what she wan'ts other than that, is super easy to stay slim, and if you work a little at it you can stay as slim as the models. and there is nothing wrong with eating a hamburger, once in a while, that is once in a while. oh god Americans will never get it.

  22. Parissa Wax says:
    Fri, 1st Apr 20116:21 pm 

    Clever. Honest. Very Funny.

  23. Hey says:
    Fri, 8th Apr 201112:19 am 

    Not being nasty but you have to admit, there are very few of you out there with metabolisms that fast that you can eat whatever you want and be skinny…besides i don't really think those girls are that great they are too skinny! and i only say that because everyone talks about how great they are but in reality they are just as beautiful as everyone else but they are too skinny and they shouldn't be trumpeted as the most beautiful everyone should be allowed to do what they want… again i know how the world works but seriously? those girls look like 12 year old boys with boobs, and that is just weird to me! again, its like infantilizing women and that is incredibly creepy and not right.

  24. Jenna says:
    Wed, 29th Jun 20111:55 pm 

    I bet 90% of people who write about how there is no way a model could naturally be so thin are probably struggling with weight.
    My entire life I have been a shrimpy skinny little girl. I literally am their weight, possibly smaller and I SWEAR to you, I eat like a pig.
    You don't know their bodies or what goes on behind the scenes, so who are you to make snap judgements and assume things that are possibly untrue.

  25. jayjay26 says:
    Wed, 29th Jun 20112:34 pm 

    One of the many jobs I've had is being a go go dancer. I ate like a pig while doing that job, but I had the most amazing body I've ever had just because all that dancing and pole humping burned so many calories (dancing for a total of three-four hours four/five times a week doing nine hour shifts). And yes, a high metabolism also helped.

  26. jayjay26 says:
    Wed, 29th Jun 20112:36 pm 

    One time, I had a VS catalog and a Frederick's of Hollywood catalog at my shop (that was a day where I was doing military related things).. ALL THE GUYS wanted to see the Frederick's catalog (their women are not as thin), and none of them cared about seeing the VS catalog.

  27. Kerr says:
    Tue, 4th Dec 201210:19 pm 

    You're all idiots who say to believe them. The proof is Adriana Lima last year admitting being on "only liquid for 2 weeks straight and starving to death for the look before the show. They might be on cocaine last most of the models out there. You can be "fit" for your office work and might think you look good but in comparison to those women you're fat and saggy. People stop lying to yourself about good metabolism. It's not enough to look like this, lol

  28. Bta says:
    Tue, 4th Dec 201210:22 pm 

    I absolutely agree…thinking they just look like that being potato couch is just ridiculous, lol

Tell us what you're thinking...