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Inside His Head: Are You His GF or His Booty Call?

[We ladies spend a lot of time wondering what guys are thinking, most often over stiff drinks or soupy ice cream. Unfortunately, besides The Dude, we don’t often get the chance to really find out. So we continue speculating, wondering and growing more and more self-conscious by the minute. Not anymore. CollegeCandy’s got a new guy in town who is going to open up his man brain and enlighten us as to what exactly goes on in there. Prepare yourselves, girls; I have a feeling this is going to be an interesting ride.]

– The very back row of the lecture hall.
– The bathrooms of every restaurant/bar within 10 miles of campus.
– The floor of your dorm or apartment.
– Any place you can get your hair or nails done.
– At the clothing racks of retail stores.

No, I’m not listing the top five places to have sex (though the last two would be sorta exciting/weird….). I’m talking about the most likely places you will overhear college women debating if their new guy is looking for a relationship or just looking for ass. We all know guys avoid the title of “boyfriend“ like it was an invitation to watch a Golden Girls marathon, but there are some nice guys still out there that do actually want to be someone’s boyfriend.

So how does a woman know if her guy is part of this endangered species?

Well, let’s backtrack a little.

As pathetic as women may feel admitting to devoting so much of their precious time to this topic, it doesn’t stop them from doing it constantly. Even the strong, confident women with healthy self-esteem find themselves in this exact situation. All logic and rationale goes flying out the window when they meet that one person who literally makes them blush with a simple hello. Meeting guys is the easy part. After first base though (or homebase for those of you homerun gals who let them run all the way home with the first swing) , things get complicated. (Excuse the baseball analogy; it helps balance out my masculinity.)

This is when all the questions start.

It was all simpler when we were younger.  If a guy kissed you, he was your boyfriend. But we all know that’s not so much the case anymore.

Here is the harsh reality, ladies: if you’re asking yourself if this guy only wants to fool around, he more than likely just wants to fool around. This is one of those situations where asking the question is the answer. Women are the most intuitive creatures on this planet, but it means nothing if you don’t pay attention to your instincts. Something happened to make you wonder about this guy, but you don’t listen. Instead, you defend the guy and tell yourself (or you give sh*tty advice to your girlfriend) that you’re being paranoid and self-loathing, that if you keep this up, he’s going to stop calling you.

Then what happens?

After hooking up a couple of times, he just stops calling you and you blame yourself.

There is nothing wrong with fooling around. It can be fun and exhilarating with the right person. It can turn a boring study date into a fantasy or a long car ride into a multitasking adventure as long as you both consider it fooling around. Your stories will have totally different endings if you’re not on the same page.

So how can you tell what your guy is thinking about this relationship? OK, ladies. Pay close attention. Here it comes….

ASK HIM!

If you were expecting secret insider tips on how to figure this out, I’m sorry to let you down. Guys are too simple — and therefore don’t require a decoder.  Either we think you’re hot/cool enough to commit ourselves or we don’t.

I will let you in on one secret: most guys aren’t expecting this conversation because we know about this internal female dilemma and we take advantage of it.  We know you wonder about our relationship status and sometimes we string you along just for the sex. It’s like we snuck onto a sexual rollercoaster ride and we just enjoy it and play dumb until we get caught without our tickets. If a woman were to ask a man where their relationship was going, he would be so caught off guard that he’d tell the truth in a moment of shock because you asked and, well, he needs to answer.

It’s true that women seem to obsess more about this issue than men, but I think it’s because women lose sight of the fact that they have all the power-the power of sex. Women decide the time and place for sex and that can move mountains. Think about it: when was the last time you spent all your money buying guys drinks, working on pick-up lines, or trying to get a guy drunk to improve your chances of hooking up? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not summarizing the worth of women based on sex, but you have to realize that whether a guy wants to be your eff buddy, your boyfriend, or your husband, one thing’s for sure, he wants to have sex with you. Instead of trying to figure some guy out, think about if he’s worth it and then bluntly communicate what you want.

Life’s too short for ambiguity. When it comes to dealing with guys, it is better to always communicate what you want and what you expect so there are no misunderstandings. It’s true that guys can be clueless when it comes to what a woman wants or is thinking, but women don’t help much when you make us guess all the time. Get everything out in the open and take back control.

    Comments

    Comments

    1. Sarah says:

      Perfect timing. Thanks, I was wondering about asking my guy "friend" this.. and now I'm pretty sure I'm going to actually do it. I need to know what's up!

    2. criolle johnny says:

      Your last three words reveal a heck of a lot. Is that what you really want?

    3. Brittany says:

      This post was awesome. Looveee the raw insight

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    14. rob says:

      i think this site is cool and i think more guys and girls should be clear of what there getting into before they commite to it.
      http://freeswingersocial.com/

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    17. laura says:

      but whennn is it too soon to ask what are we?!? thats an important part u failed to mention

      1. Cesar-University of Florida says:

        I get your frustration, but this isn't an exact science. If I had to put it on a spectrum, I's say this- asking him after you just hooked up can be lethal pillow talk and TOO SOON & bringing him to meet your parents ony to find out he actually already has a girlfriend is TOO LATE.

        Again, trust your gut. When you think that the guy is someone you would like to date exclusively, feel him out and talk to him. He may be feeling the same way you are. Guys aren't typically forthcoming with their feelings and mostly honest only when they have to be. SOOO, if I can be fooling around with a girl that I don't want to date (the reason isn't important ) and avoid the "what are we" convo, I'm going to do that as long as I can. If/when she asks me, I'll know it's time to tell her I'm not looking to date anyone and move on (I'm speaking in 1st person to simplify the response.) ;)

        If I do really like the girl, but am not sure If I'm ready to date, the thought of losing her company might make me rethink my position, but if she never asks, I might never think about this.

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    41. Brooke says:

      I think that talking always the best. Communication is key! Without it it's a deal breaker!

    42. Heather says:

      I disagree! I have done this with guys and they either get scared or give me general answer such as "well i'm not dating anyone else right now" tand then lead me on.

      I think taking a natural path will decide where the relationship is going. Pay attention to his actions. If he's only calling you at 2 am, then chances are that he isn't looking for a relationship. Or he doesn't take you on dates.. I could go on and on but you get the idea;)

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    50. Cesar-University of Florida says:

      (Part 2):

      Lastly, that natural path strategy sounds romantic and lovely, but our lives aren't romantic comedies. This guy you're hooking up with isn't Matthew McConaughey. Passively participating in any type of relationship, even platonic ones, only leads to disappointment. The things you're talking about like 2am booty calls are obvious tell-tale signs, but I think what we're all talking about is that vague area when those 2am calls turn into lunch dates. What does that mean? Or how about when all of sudden he sleeps over instead of hightailing it outta there and then, OMG, he takes you out to breakfast and PAYS! Does this mean he wants to be serious or was he just tired and then hungry? What then??

    51. Cesar-University of Florida says:

      In response to Heather (Part 1) :

      I'm sure you're not the only one that disagrees lol. That's good though. Debates deliver better results.

      I do want to stress that when I say "ask him" and "communicate" with him, I mean actually have a conversation. Don't just ask him flat out and then accept it when " they either get scared or give me general answer such as 'well i'm not dating anyone else right now' ." Press him further and get what you came for- an true answer.

      If they get scared, either A. you brought this up to soon (check my reply to Laura) or B. this guy only wants to bone. You have to make up your own mind whether you can stick around with A or B

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    70. Nikiip says:

      Rule #1 : never give a guy u first meet an extended resume of yourself. I just sit back and check out his good vs bad characteristics. The first thing a guy will ask u would be "So what are you looking for in a man, and wa
      Hat do you like and dislike. 9 out of 10 he is asking u so he won't bring his bad habits around until he attempts to get the booty. I myself think like a man. I leave my feelings at the end of the bed. If I know we are just friends with benefits

    71. Girl/slash/Woman says:

      "Most guys aren’t expecting this conversation because we know about this internal female dilemma and we take advantage of it."
      Exactly. Guy know that women are very sketchy about this fuckbuddy/boyfriend line and it's easy for them to play their cards so they don't look like a jackass when push comes to shove. So when "girlfriend" is screaming murder because she caught "boyfriend" in flagrante delicto with the red-haired skank down the hall, he can just looked confused and dismiss her as that crazy psycho he used to hook up with.
      If they're really evil, they can tell "girlfriend" they're not ready to be exclusive -yet- or that they want to be friends first (I love how that phrase used to be female territory) and that way, when she comes heaving down the hall with a baseball bat, he can even say that he told her that he wasn't her boyfriend.
      And you can barely blame them. I mean, come on, are these women absolutely insane? It doesn't matter if he's doing you every day from Monday to Saturday and then cuddle with you on Sundays, it's not a relationship unless he mentions dinner or calls you his girlfriend. Or do what this guy says and ask him.
      It's mind boggling how I keep seeing this happen over and over again. It's the single thing that my girlfriends keep talking about- and they've seen all our friends (and themselves) go through it. I feel like a broken Bieber record's playing, I can't tie a noose and my rifle's out of bullets.

    72. Alexandra says:

      Wow, I'm eternally grateful for this article!
      I've found myself in this situation several times this year, and now I've found a guy who's a total sweetheart and genuinely seems like he wants a relationship. Now that we've hooked up twice, he's sort of starting to fizzle out and I'm constantly obsessing over his texts our our interaction with each other.
      9 times out of 10, guys won't want a relationship, so you shouldn't really expect much from them and keep your guard up.
      But who knows. After all, it's finals week and we're both super busy. This guy could be different from the rest (:
      Ha ha, freshman mistake right?

      1. Cesar-University of Florida says:

        You're welcome ;) So what makes this guy different than the other guys and make you think he wants a relationship? I'm not being cynical, I am sincerely curious.

        "9 times out of 10, guys won't want a relationship, so you shouldn't really expect much from them and keep your guard up."

        Wow, jaded already and it's only your freshman year, lol? I think the only mistake would be not to participate in the college experience. I don't mean hooking up with every swinging d**k, but simply getting to know new people which in turn helps you get to know yourself better. Semester romances and getting burned every now and then is part of growing up.

    73. […] • Is she your girlfriend or your booty call? […]

    74. diva says:

      I don’t understand when a man says he wants a relationship but

      His actions tells something else!

    75. criolle johnny says:

      Lemme see if I got this one straight … You do NOT know if you're a G/F or a b/c and you're jumping each others bones?
      Re-examine your premise. You are asking the wrong question.

    76. If your his girlfriend..you will know. Simple signs. Does he answer the phone everytime you call? Can you show up to his place anytime you want to?…matter of a fact do you have a key? Does he go out in public with you ANYWHERE. Have you met his mother?? a big thing..or his Family?. All these are tell tale signs.

      I actually wrote an article about it..check it out below:

      Ladies Is This How Most Guys Think of You ==> via Diary of a Young Black Asshole http://creambmp.com/EasyWomen

    77. […] Inside His Head: Are You His GF or His Booty Call? – [College Candy] […]

    78. […] CollegeCandy.com – Here is the harsh reality, ladies: if you’re asking yourself if this guy only wants to fool around, he more than likely just wants to fool around. This is one of those situations where asking the question is the answer. Women are the most intuitive creatures on this planet, but it means nothing if you don’t pay attention to your instincts. Something happened to make you wonder about this guy, but you don’t listen. […]

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    80. Miss.Blue says:

      They ARE an endangered species…

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