Inside His Head: Are You His GF or His Booty Call?

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[We ladies spend a lot of time wondering what guys are thinking, most often over stiff drinks or soupy ice cream. Unfortunately, besides The Dude, we don't often get the chance to really find out. So we continue speculating, wondering and growing more and more self-conscious by the minute. Not anymore. CollegeCandy's got a new guy in town who is going to open up his man brain and enlighten us as to what exactly goes on in there. Prepare yourselves, girls; I have a feeling this is going to be an interesting ride.]

- The very back row of the lecture hall.
– The bathrooms of every restaurant/bar within 10 miles of campus.
– The floor of your dorm or apartment.
– Any place you can get your hair or nails done.
– At the clothing racks of retail stores.

No, I’m not listing the top five places to have sex (though the last two would be sorta exciting/weird….). I’m talking about the most likely places you will overhear college women debating if their new guy is looking for a relationship or just looking for ass. We all know guys avoid the title of “boyfriend“ like it was an invitation to watch a Golden Girls marathon, but there are some nice guys still out there that do actually want to be someone’s boyfriend.

So how does a woman know if her guy is part of this endangered species?

Well, let’s backtrack a little.

As pathetic as women may feel admitting to devoting so much of their precious time to this topic, it doesn’t stop them from doing it constantly. Even the strong, confident women with healthy self-esteem find themselves in this exact situation. All logic and rationale goes flying out the window when they meet that one person who literally makes them blush with a simple hello. Meeting guys is the easy part. After first base though (or homebase for those of you homerun gals who let them run all the way home with the first swing) , things get complicated. (Excuse the baseball analogy; it helps balance out my masculinity.)

This is when all the questions start.

It was all simpler when we were younger.  If a guy kissed you, he was your boyfriend. But we all know that’s not so much the case anymore.

Here is the harsh reality, ladies: if you’re asking yourself if this guy only wants to fool around, he more than likely just wants to fool around. This is one of those situations where asking the question is the answer. Women are the most intuitive creatures on this planet, but it means nothing if you don’t pay attention to your instincts. Something happened to make you wonder about this guy, but you don’t listen. Instead, you defend the guy and tell yourself (or you give sh*tty advice to your girlfriend) that you’re being paranoid and self-loathing, that if you keep this up, he’s going to stop calling you.

Then what happens?

After hooking up a couple of times, he just stops calling you and you blame yourself.

There is nothing wrong with fooling around. It can be fun and exhilarating with the right person. It can turn a boring study date into a fantasy or a long car ride into a multitasking adventure as long as you both consider it fooling around. Your stories will have totally different endings if you’re not on the same page.

So how can you tell what your guy is thinking about this relationship? OK, ladies. Pay close attention. Here it comes….

ASK HIM!

If you were expecting secret insider tips on how to figure this out, I’m sorry to let you down. Guys are too simple — and therefore don’t require a decoder.  Either we think you’re hot/cool enough to commit ourselves or we don’t.

I will let you in on one secret: most guys aren’t expecting this conversation because we know about this internal female dilemma and we take advantage of it.  We know you wonder about our relationship status and sometimes we string you along just for the sex. It’s like we snuck onto a sexual rollercoaster ride and we just enjoy it and play dumb until we get caught without our tickets. If a woman were to ask a man where their relationship was going, he would be so caught off guard that he’d tell the truth in a moment of shock because you asked and, well, he needs to answer.

It’s true that women seem to obsess more about this issue than men, but I think it’s because women lose sight of the fact that they have all the power-the power of sex. Women decide the time and place for sex and that can move mountains. Think about it: when was the last time you spent all your money buying guys drinks, working on pick-up lines, or trying to get a guy drunk to improve your chances of hooking up? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not summarizing the worth of women based on sex, but you have to realize that whether a guy wants to be your eff buddy, your boyfriend, or your husband, one thing’s for sure, he wants to have sex with you. Instead of trying to figure some guy out, think about if he’s worth it and then bluntly communicate what you want.

Life’s too short for ambiguity. When it comes to dealing with guys, it is better to always communicate what you want and what you expect so there are no misunderstandings. It’s true that guys can be clueless when it comes to what a woman wants or is thinking, but women don’t help much when you make us guess all the time. Get everything out in the open and take back control.

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