Duke It Out: Is The First Date Dead?

[It’s pretty obvious that the average CollegeCandy reader has some very strong opinions. Opinions that she likes to share with everyone on the site. Sometimes with mean words. We love a strong woman (unless she happens to be charging at us with her fists raised), so we thought we’d give her a real forum to discuss her thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Every Friday I’ll be featuring a hot topic (like cyber spying!) and leaving it up to you, the readers, to duke it out. So, read it and get your debate on in the comments section below!]

This week, in keeping with my usual studious habits, I was surfing around the internet watching cute cat videos when I came across this article which posed the question; is the first date dead? My instinctual reaction was that this is just another one of those things where people freak out because technology changes things, but the more I think about it, the more I wonder if they don’t have a point.

Looking at it one way, OK, so maybe guys aren’t asking us down to the malt shop to share a giant milkshake with two straws, but so what? There was a time in history before the whole dating idea was around, isn’t it inevitable that at some point we would move beyond it?

Is it so bad that our society might lose something that most people dread and find painfully awkward? Is it such a bad thing if we ‘hang out’ with guys instead of being stuck sitting through dinner and a movie with a dude who won’t shut up about dressing his cats up as the Justice League for Halloween? Yeah, I’d really hate to miss out on that. Should we really be mourning the fact that now our first bits of information on a guy (besides, ‘holy crap, he’s hot’) come from his Facebook page instead of rumors our friends have heard and inane conversation over cheap food, because that sounds like a step forward to me.

But, I do see their point. Looking back at high school, all of the guys I ‘went out with’ were guys in my school, who I hung out with during the school day and ultimately asked me to be their girlfriend. Really, except for school dances and stuff, I don’t think I ever went on anything that would technically qualify as a date; most of the time we just hung around together. Does that mean that I’ve missed out on some integral rite of passage? Is the idea of starting your relationship with FB and texts not kind of negating the whole point?

I don’t know ladies, you tell me. Is the first date dead? Should we miss it? Or is it one of those ancient evils like smallpox and we’re better off without it? Duke it out!



    1. Alessia says:

      I don't think first dates are dead, entirely. I think they're actually more common in college than in highschool. My now boyfriend properly asked me out on a first date very shortly after we were introduced. I think it partly depends on the kind of guy involved – perhaps only more "old-school" types do it. And first dates are nice if you really think you could click with the guy, so I don't think they're an ancient evil. Blind dates, however, are another story.

      1. Lauren - University of Michigan says:

        I dunno, Alessia. You might be the only person I've EVER heard of having a proper first date in college. Not that I think there's anything wrong with not having a "formal" first date. We meet people in so many ways in college and dating just isn't part of our social scene.

    2. Bianca says:

      First dates aren't dead, our generation is just redefining what the term means. I've never been asked to "go out" with a guy before dating him, instead it has become one of those "so you should come to this party I'm having.." type of deal, especially in college.

      But my honest opinion is WHO CARES. The first date may be dead, but people are still dating, and I don't think any of us are really missing out on anything.

    3. The Dude says:

      The first date's not dead. It's just going through a digital transformation.

    4. girlnextdoorfashion says:

      I am 20 years old and I can't say I've ever been on a real date.
      I'd love to be taken out for dinner and dressing up and flowers.
      Any takers?


    5. Lindsey says:

      the first date is not dead at all. I still get asked out on them all the time. guys always say that they can tell if the girls needs to be wined and dined or she'll just 'hangout' for free. I don't know, that's just what they've told me.

    6. Britney says:

      I think the first date has somewhat died compared to what it used to be, but it's not completely dead. The funny thing is, I went on two dates in high school. The first one turned out good (I thought), but then he wanted nothing to do with me. (Jerk!) The second one turned out horrible. Then I met my boyfriend (who I'm still with 4 years later) and we never had an official date. We just hung out as friends a few times (in a group and alone) before it became official.

    7. Jenna says:

      Compared to high school, there are a lot less ''first dates'' in college. Maybe it's just me, but it's really hard to meet a guy and then have him offer to take you to dinner, movie, sports game. Usually it's like "hey wanna be my date for this party (if he is in a frat)", or "you wanna come over and watch a movie (aka you wanna f*ck?, they think we're dumb…). But that's just been my experience so far, but my friends are in the same boat.

    8. Angela says:

      My now-boyfriend asked me out on a proper first date after we'd worked in the same lab for about a month (worked mostly at different hours so we didn't talk much). I found it really cute and quaint, since all my friends who are in relationships went from 'hanging out' to 'dating' (and it's how my high school relationship started, as well).

    9. Lina says:

      I've been having bf's for 6 years now, but its not until last year with my current bf that I have gone on a date!! I feel like I've missed out on so much now that I know what it feel like to go on a date! It's so fun and romantic when you get to meet a new person that way =) And in my opinion it feels more worth it to be asked out than just to "hang out" before being his gf- it's like he had to work for it more, lol.

    10. holly says:

      I think people go on dates instead of "just hanging out" with friends/at frats/etc when you won't just end up being at the same things and have to plan for it on purpose. I never went on dates in college (except the beginning of freshman year when we were still doing things in high school M.O.) but now that I've graduated, I get asked out on dates all the time… I preferred and miss the college way though😦

    11. Brooke says:

      I think that first dates are hard to come by in college. It could be because everyone is trying to save money and in all fairness who wants to go to the movies now a day and spend $40 just for admission and popcorn. As well in college it seems to me that I always meet people through other people, at parties or school events so that's how you meet people and the first date ends up being 'hanging out' our generation isn’t as traditional and that’s ok. We find other ways to meet and 'date' people.

    12. xoxo says:

      i think first dates are great and it would be a shame if they died out because, although most of us in college do tend to follow the hangout to serious relationship pattern, this restricts those we meet and end up with to people in our social circle. this can be good, as we already have things in common, etc. but i feel like dating allows for new people from different social spaces into our lives. and even if the date was unsuccessful, you learn a lot. a first date opens our horizons and who knows? maybe the right person is outside of your casual social circle and a first date is their only way in.

    13. John Kantor says:

      Why date when you can go straight to the blow job?

    14. I actually wrote an article about this on my site and it directly addresses why men don't do dates anymore!!..its a little more graphic then this site, but users loved the article and it made sense as to why men choose to do other wise I'm going to link to it below.

      Ladies, Why Date You?.. When I Can Play for Free (Your Opinion?) <– Article i spoke of

    15. […] discuss her thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Every Friday I'll be featuring a hot topic (like whether the first date is dead!) and leaving it up to you, the readers, to duke it out. So, read it and get your debate on in the […]

    16. karolinewithak says:

      I actually went on a first date this week! I was SHOCKED that a college dude actually wanted to take me out to dinner…usually they just want to hang in either mine or their room. Plus, I haven't been on an actual "date" since high school. It was so refreshing! It went really well, and we've seen eachother a few times since, so I'm happy that, at least for this guy, the 1st date isn't dead!

    17. usless wishing says:

      it's just like shivalry, it shouldn;t be dead, but mostly is. in some rare occasions, u see it one in every 3rd life time or so. ok, so mabe it's more often than shivalry, 5 in 1 lifetime mabe, tops. not like i would have much experience i the dating department, but my town is 86% boys, so i know about the hole, no shivalry part. yeah, u think by the time i turn 25 i'll have a broken nose by all the doors these guys slam in my face. just to get into the school buillding! and i thought girls were hard enough to live with i the samne town, but boys are unbarible! DO NOT get me stared on the worst boy in town, my bro. yikes.

    18. Emily Grace says:

      I think that a lot of guys will put off the first date a little. From my personal experience, many guys will "hang out" with a girl- an this can mean anything from watching a movie in a dorm, getting lunch in the dining hall, or meeting at the bars or at a party- and see where things go from there.

      With my latest guy for example, we went to the bars Friday and Saturday, watched a movie that week, then went to a party and hooked up the next weekend. Now he's taking me on a real date (dinner and a movie). I feel like guys in college don't want to shell out the time or cash unless they feel like they might like the girl as more than just a casual hook-up- "feeling thing out", so to speak…just my opinion.

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