Sexy Time: Sexually (In)active?

December 9, 2010 9:00 am     Posted in Relationships, Sex  Elizabeth - UC Berkeley g+ page

gyno.jpgLast week I went to my university’s health center for a birth control pill issue. As soon as Dr. Nancy scurried in with her Lisa Frank name tag and orthopedic shoes, I knew that this was going to be trouble. I answered the routine questions and then braced myself for what was next; the question that every single girl dreads.


By Elizabeth

“Are you sexually active?” inquired Dr. Nancy with her beady eyes judging my contraceptive-popping self. What the hell are you supposed to say in that situation?

“Well, you see Nance, I did hook up with my ex-hook up two weeks ago but other than that it’s been quite the dry spell…” Nobody really wants to delve into their complicated lust life with a complete stranger.

This got me thinking, how does anybody really know if they are “sexually active”? To me, activity isn’t all-or-nothing; there are several levels to be aware of. Dr. Nancy, for instance, would abide by the criteria of “hyperactivity.” In other words, if you have ever touched a boy or even really thought about it, you are sexually active for the rest of your life and probably well after you’re dead.

Now no offense to my good pal Nance, but I personally prefer to look at sexual activity like geologists study volcanoes. By this definition, an active girl is one that is currently “erupting” or at least hooks up regularly. What constitutes hooking up is up to you and the righteousness of your moral code. What also is up to you is how you define the term “regularly.” For the sake of escaping the scrutinizing eye of a university nurse practitioner or a Catholic priest, you may choose to equate “regularly” with “every day.” That way you can have no qualms with looking into those judging eyes and confidently stating, “No, as a matter of fact, I am not sexually active.”

For those of you that are like me and (sadly) haven’t gotten any in a while, you may fall under the classification of dormant. You have hooked up in historical times, but you are not currently sleeping with anybody. But not to worry ladies, there is always the promise of future sexual eruptions (thanks, Snoop Dogg). Even the experts say, “The eruption that follows long dormancy is violent.” Hey, you may just be the next Mount Saint Helens of the bedroom.

The rest of us fall into the category of extinct. By definition, extinction implies that there is no evidence of any activity within recent memory. Contrary to common belief, however, this group is not just for the virgins. It may also include those that tend to hook up in any sort of intoxicated state, impairing any and every memory of activity.

No matter which category you identify with, the choice is yours and yours alone. And no matter what, don’t let anyone make you feel insecure about your frequency of eruption, not even your own Dr. Nancy…

Likey? Want some more, you saucy vixen? We got it.

14 Comments on "Sexy Time: Sexually (In)active?"

  1. Charlotte- University of Birmingham says:
    Thu, 9th Dec 20109:25 am 

    I can definitely relate to this!!
    I always go get my pill "just in case", but yes, I am definitely extinct here!!

    Charlotte http://www.girlnextdoorfashion.net

  2. Chelsey says:
    Thu, 9th Dec 20103:44 pm 

    THANK YOU for posting this! I just went through this experience yesterday, and in fact told my doctor that I am currently dormant. How fitting!

  3. Nata says:
    Thu, 9th Dec 20105:47 pm 

    No action for me either! And I thought that my college experience will life will be full of sex. How wrong I was…

  4. heather says:
    Thu, 9th Dec 201011:15 pm 

    Hi, I'm currently a young female med student and I've had trouble asking people awkward personal questions. It seems like you had kind of a weird interaction with your doctor.

    Any tips from you guys to me of how to ask these types of things in a way you prefer? I really just want to get the info to help the patients.

    thanks!

  5. Jenna says:
    Fri, 10th Dec 201012:11 pm 

    It's probably a testament to how old I'm getting that I find it far easier to see this from your doctor's point of view.
    "Another appointment with a bratty college girl who seems more interested in judging the shoes I'm wearing than getting through the awkward but necessary questions that need to be gone through so I can write her prescription and get her out the door. I don't know why this generation of narcissist think their college sexual exploits (or lack of them) are interesting to anyone other than themselves and possibly their mothers. I'm not judging you because I'm not in the least bit interested, well all went to college and we all had sex, tried to have sex and spent far more time thinking about sex. It's not shocking to us in the older generation it's just boring!"

  6. Colleen says:
    Sat, 11th Dec 20106:54 pm 

    Your doctors ask this because it's relevant to your HEALTH. If it's been less than oh say, a month, since you've had sex, you NEED to tell your doctor. They're not asking to embarrass you, they're asking because they need to know in order to be sure that you're healthy and they're giving you medications your body can handle.

    Why would you even go to the doctor if you're not going to let them treat you?!

  7. Colleen says:
    Sat, 11th Dec 20107:46 pm 

    Your doctors ask this because it's relevant to your HEALTH. If it's been less than oh say, a month, since you've had sex, you NEED to tell your doctor. They're not asking to embarrass you, they're asking because they need to know in order to be sure that you're healthy and they're giving you medications your body can handle.

  8. Olivia ♡ says:
    Sat, 11th Dec 201011:40 pm 

    I prefer if my doctor asks me professionally. Then again, I'm a very open person. I say "yes", because "sexually active" means that you've had sex.

  9. Olivia ♡ says:
    Sat, 11th Dec 201011:45 pm 

    I think it's just silly to be awkward with that kind of question. Your doctor isn't there to judge you, they're there for your health, as someone else said. If you're not mature enough to answer a simple question of "Are you sexually active?", then you shouldn't be having sex. The doctor doesn't usually care how often or when the last time you had sex was, they just need to know if you are doing it so they can administer a Pap smear during your appointment if need be (if you are a virgin, usually you won't need to get one).

    Like really, grow up. If you're having sex you will need to answer these types of questions for the rest of your life, it's nothing to be embarrassed about.

  10. Diary Black Asshole says:
    Mon, 13th Dec 20103:44 pm 

    I don't think there is nothing wrong with the doctor asking those types of questions..but then again I am a male. I think if you've had sex within the last 3 weeks your qualified as sexually active…Actually wrote an article about that on my blog…I linked to it below.

    Sex Partners How Many is…. Too Many? or (Is the Past..The Past) http://creambmp.com/SexPart

  11. Annabelle says:
    Sat, 18th Dec 201011:44 pm 

    I think it is better to be direct, but not pushy. Ask the questions you need to ask though because it is part of your job.

    Also, I am surprised that more doctors don't ask patients about regular condom use, or instances of physical and sexual abuse. These are important issues that a more private young woman might not be willing to discuss with anyone but their doctor. OB/GYNs do have special responsibilities that other kinds of doctors don't have, and may help in prosecuting criminals as well.

Tell us what you're thinking...