[The following post was written by dating coach, Kira Sabin, a keg of dating and relationship wisdom. She’s been helping people find love for years so we thought we’d tap this keg and see what sort of brilliant advice she has for the CollegeCandy readers. Drink up, ladies.]
Guess what? I have been known to fake it.
No, not that. OK, maybe that. Or definitely that….on more than one occasion. But what I’m talking about is my job. Yup, that’s right. There have been many days where I, a full-time dating coach, have straight up, no holds barred, pulled most of my dating advice out of my ass.
I see college women coming to me all the time for answers, secrets, tips and tricks, ANYTHING to get love all figured out. They want me to get into their latest hottie’s mind and tell them exactly what he is thinking to understand why he is or is not calling, texting, treating her right, or downright leaving her not only on the crazy train, but driving it loud and proud. They are hoping that if I can make some educated guesses they can fix the situation so it feels good and safe. Thinking that if they know all the rules they can avoid the uncomfortable, the unknowing, the fear, and most of all the heart break.
But here is the biggest secret I can share with you….there is no secret. There are no actual answers. There are no real rules. Even if you do everything “perfectly” on your part – make yourself more approachable, ask all the right questions, reach out of your comfort zone – you still may get hurt. When it comes to love and relationships, there is no way to guarantee a certain outcome. There is no right way or perfect moments. You are going to have to fake it like the rest of us. And there is nothing more worth faking than the intricate and beautiful art of the personal relationship.
Love, dating, relationships are all part of our journey and college is a great time to really make the most of that trip. You can meet lots of different types and styles and take them out for a test drive to see what’s a good fit and what just isn’t workin’ for you. And on those days when you’re beating your head against the wall wondering “why bother?” just remember it is because they make you a better person. It isn’t always about the good stuff; it is sometimes about all of the stuff in between.
As our mothers/fathers/teachers/preachers/after-school specials have been telling us our whole lives, we learn from our mistakes. So even in your darkest relationship moments, there is something there that will make you better, stronger, more ready for love. You might trip up along the way, but that’s what dating is and no matter how hard you try to figure out what’s going on, it’s how dating and love will always be.
So I challenge you to let go of the outcome and enjoy the deliciousness of the journey. Stop looking for things to “fit” into your idea of perfect and the way they are supposed to look. Look at how you can change your perspective to see everything as a success instead of a frustration. How can you fake it until you get the hang of it?
Need help to get ready for love? Get all of Kira’s advice right here. Or check out Crush Camp on Kira’s new college love advice site www.thecollegecrush.com. It’s the second best thing you will ever do.