Christmas is fast approaching. (Five days, but hey, who’s counting?) While I’m sure you’ve already picked out the perfect gift for everyone on your list, I bet you haven’t given much thought to what you’re getting this holiday season.
I’ve taken my favorite Gleek’s (Brittany S. Pierce!) advice and made my Christmas list early and sent it on its way to the North Pole. But I know that even someone as prepared and as considerate as me (making it easy for my parents by adding what I wanted for Christmas to their Amazon shopping carts) will more than likely get stuck with a few bad Christmas gifts. It’s okay though, it’s a burden we all have to bear, so I’ll brave the post holiday madness and head to the return lines.
I just hope I don’t get anything quite as bad as these gifts.
10. Scented Candles. Not only do they more often than not smell like nothing more than a cheap imitation of what they’re supposed to smell like (Birthday cake? Sand castles? Ginger tea and honey?), but they’re also a bit of a fire hazard.
9. Useless gadgets. I’m sorry but I never have and I never will have any use for your vibrating slippers, your Bumpits, your BeDazzler or anything else that has AS SEEN ON TV stamped across the front of the box.
8. Socks. I don’t care if they are Christmas themed, personalized, or striped. I don’t care if they are toe socks, or fuzzy socks, or just plain, regular, everyday socks. They are not appropriate Christmas gifts. And I’m sick of people passing them off as though they are. Just because they come in lots of funky patterns doesn’t mean they make a good gift. End of discussion.
7. Anything from Bath and Body Works. I’m not even going to touch on the whole scented thing because that was already covered. But really, let’s think about this, when was the last time you used cucumber melon body splash? When was the last time you wanted to? Scented soaps and creams and antibacterial soaps that smell like a garden? My allergies act up just thinking about them. No, I won’t use the bath salts or those cute little themed baskets that just seem so perfect either.
6. Picture frames with a photo of the gift giver in them. First of all, the picture frame is almost always something ridiculous that you would never use and doesn’t match anything in your dorm. Second of all, you are not going to place a picture of this person next to your nightstand like you two are finally going steady or something. Moving on.
5. Anything that looks like you got it as a free sample. I’ve gotten these gifts before, and believe me I’ve been able to tell. Oddly enough, when you give someone who hardly ever wears makeup Clinique cover up it’s kind of a clue that you didn’t buy the gift for that person. Oh, hey, is that a complimentary tote you’ve got there on your arm?
4. Fruit cake. Yes, people still give these. And yes, the cliché is still very, very true. No one wants a fruit cake, even if it is homemade, because chances are, it’s not very good. As for a peanut butter cup cheesecake….that’s a dessert I can get behind.
3. Themed gifts. You know, it’s Christmas, so obviously any gift you give or get has to, in some way, be Christmas related. Your Aunt Mary is going to get you a Santa sweater. And, oh wait, Aunt Sue got you candy cane socks to match. Now all you need is one of those headbands with the reindeer antlers and you’re all set. Thanks Dad!
2. Homemade coupons. No, I don’t want your free hugs. Or your promise to do my homework. Because I don’t want to hug you and I wouldn’t trust you to do my homework for me. Ever. So if you’re going to get me a coupon, that coupon better be a gift card. And by gift card I mean one of those things that look like a credit card and works in a real establishment. (Like Starbucks.) That means you can’t use crayon to fill this one out either. Pity.
1. Self-help books. We have issues. We know. The holidays are not the time to remind us of them. So just buy us a drink and leave it at that, okay?
What are the worst gifts you’ve ever gotten?!