I recently met a great guy through one of my best friends from college. We hit it off right away, and really get along and have a good time together. One night, we all went back to their other friend’s house and slept there after the bars, where Boy and I just made out. No drunken hookup – I thought that was good! In the past, I got suckered into the drunken one-night stands, etc, and realized that no real relationship usually comes from those types of encounters. In the morning, things were great, but he didn’t get my number; however, he did ask my friend multiple questions about me and she told me that he is really shy when it comes to girls. We all went out again last night, and I ended up going back to his house to sleep. Once again, we only made out and slept together. Literally.
I am wondering — I actually kind of like this guy, and I am afraid of falling back into the drunken hookup cycle. Even though we are not having sex, or doing anything for that matter, is it still seen as “slutty” to go home with the guy, even if we are just making out? I figure he kind of likes me, as he doesn’t even really push the issue of having sex and we really enjoy each other’s company – sober and drunk. My question: at what point do guys think of a girl as a drunken “slut?” I hope I didn’t blow it with him already!
Thanks for your help!
Here’s how a guy knows if a girl is a drunken slut: If she has a history of having sex with guys, within the first 2 times they’ve met, and she’s drunk every time. Then she does it with him.
Simple, isn’t it? Yep. Not a lot of mystery there. And by the way, I’ve known several drunken sluts who were lovely women…and I’m not saying that because I slept with them. I didn’t. By choice…okay not usually my choice…awkward moment…aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand MOVING ON!
I suggest you put your fears to rest. What you’re doing is breaking your pattern. You’ve walked into foreign territory. You’re scared of repeating past mistakes. Completely understandable and to be expected. However, now that you can be reassured that you aren’t repeating those mistakes, you have to work on quieting your insecurity. If you don’t…you’ll blow him it.
Hanging out and making out with guys after parties could be put in the student conduct book for almost every freaking college! It sounds like you’re exploring your sexuality and trying to figure out what way leads to intimacy. Most discover the one night stand route is a dead end. For some, a dead end is exactly the road they want all of their “relationships” to be headed. For others, they make a detour when they see the signs to exit at “DRUNKEN HOOK UP.” As long as you’re acting safely (contraception, making sure a friend knows where you are, have evidence he’s not a psycho or rapist or psycho-rapist) and consensually (NO MEANS NO!), then I’d say your conduct with this guy has been quite becoming from his point of view.
Shy guys dream of finding a gal that goes right for the gonads. They can’t make the first move. That’s what makes them frustrating as H-E-double hockey sticks (for further reading on shy guys check out last week’s column: How Do I Handle A Shy Guy?). I doubt you’ve sabotaged yourself. After all, he did take you home, twice. Plus he didn’t drop your ass when you didn’t put out. Sounds like he likes you!
If you obsess about what could go wrong, you’ll forget to enjoy what’s going right. You’ll just keep anticipating how to fix problems that haven’t arisen yet. Which will drain all of the potential from what you have know. Just take it one night at a time.
Don’t freak out,
[Isn’t he wise? Don’t you wish you could get more? You can! Check out The Dude’s other insights into the male mind right here.]