In the last year, it seems as though being single has been my specialty. While flings and hookups have come (pun intended) and gone, and dates have left me with some less than desirable memories, my current single status has remained loyally by my side. I’ve learned a lot in the past year and I’ve discovered that single girls around the world are all in the same fabulous pair of shoes.
So if you’re sick of sitting at a table for one, eating a meal portioned for two, I cordially invite you to join The Single Girl Society, where being single is more than status; it’s a lifestyle. Of course, with everything in life, the single girl lifestyle comes with rules and I’ve picked up quite a few along the way. So kick back, grab a drink and let the lessons I’ve learned serve as your very own roadmap to transitioning to and enduring the single life.
Lesson 4: Single girls don’t let other single girls drink and text.
This past weekend I did something I can never take back. After a record-breaking year-long drunk texting hiatus, I committed my first TUI (texting under the influence) with the help of my old friend SoCo. Liquid courage in one hand and phone in the other at a bar that I used to frequent with my ex, I texted him (typo-free, might I add). Groan. A year into my no-drunk-texting campaign and just like that, all of it gone over one slip-up.
We’ve all been there. It’s Friday night and you’re supposed to be having a girls’ night at the bar, riding the mechanical bull and dancing the night away, making your friends take a shot every time they mention their ex’s name.
Instead, you’re looking around wondering if your ex will magically appear with a drink and a dance with your name on it. When you realize you probably won’t be running into your ex that night, you start to scroll over the old text messages from him. You begin reliving the feelings behind each message, the ones you spent all day sending to each other, giggling and running each text by your girlfriends before you sent it.
When the bar closes, you head out with your friends, laughing and stumbling into your cab and even though you had fun with your girls, you still miss your ex. So you figure “What the hell, I already lost him, what else could I possibly have to lose?” and you text him.
And while the rush of sending the text may seem invigorating and liberating while you’re doing it, the aftermath tends to be a little more complicated.
Look, I get that some of us just need a little encouragement every once and a while and if it happens to come in the form of a whiskey Coke, that’s your prerogative. But by waiting to share your deepest and heaviest feelings until you are drunk, you lose credibility.
Your ex (and your judgmental frenemies) will question why you need alcohol to express how you really feel. They might assume that you’re not confident with who you are and that you use alcohol as your scapegoat to sharing your feelings. Because, after all, drunk texting has it’s own built in safety net. If you find yourself sharing too much, in the words of a very wise Jamie Foxx, you can always fall back on blaming it on the alcohol.
If you make a pattern of drunk texting, you could potentially find yourself in a very self-destructive state after so many experiences of relying on alcohol to share your feelings. When you make drunk texting a habit alcohol becomes a crutch that you need to share your feelings.
No single girl wants to be the emotional drunk. I’ve found that in situations where you could be viewed as an overly emotional drunk – like in the case of sending a paragraph text that describes in detail just how much you miss your ex, down to the smell of his Polo cologne – it’s best to hide your crazy. If the feelings are real, share them when the most you’ve had to drink is a glass of chocolate milk. When you’re sharing serious feelings that deeply affect you, you should share them in a serious (read: sober) environment.
If the potential of being viewed as a crazy, emotional, drunken ex-girlfriend isn’t incentive enough to finally kick the drunk texting habit, consider the way you might feel after you send it. You might be glad you did it, but on the other hand, you might wake up the next morning, look over at your phone and see that you misspelled every word but only after you tacked on ten kissing-face emoticons and you might be a little embarrassed. Even worse, you might not get a text back.
As for me, waking up this past Sunday morning to my phone and rereading the text was an entirely new form of humiliation that left me unsure of what to do next. While the things I texted were true, I couldn’t help but feel a little pathetic.
By sharing how you really feel in ways that aren’t face-to-face and completely sober, you’re basically telling yourself that your feelings aren’t significant enough to share with your ex for real. You’re cheating yourself out of a real chance to express the things you’ve been holding back when it comes to the one you’re no longer with. So stop, drop and scroll right over your ex’s name in your cell!
And if you’re extremely prone to a drunk-texting slip-ups and you’re serious about kicking the habit, do what me and my girls do after a few cocktails. We all swap phones so that way if we need to make an emergency call, we have a phone to use but since we’re not using our own number, sending a drunk ex text becomes obsolete.
What are the first three rules of the Single Girl Society? Find out right here.