Sexy Time: New Year’s Resolutions for Better Sex

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Making resolutions I probably can’t keep, and deciding, quite pointedly, that 2011 will be the best year yet are on my to-do list for the month of January. While I’ll most likely be bringing in my New Year’s Eve with a few drinks and a giant multi-apartment party, I will also be cognizant of the fact that a new year is a great time for new beginnings.

I write a lot about the things we can do to improve our sex lives, but what better time to make the conscious decision to improve our sexy encounters than the start of a brand-spankin’-new year? So here is, ladies, gents and everyone in between: my thoroughly thought-out list of sexy resolutions for 2011 – just a little something to kick start your awesome, sex-positive, and sexually fulfilled new year!

Quit faking it. If for some reason you’re still faking your orgasms, now is the time to knock it off, and start aiming for the real thing. Faking it accomplishes nothing (your pleasure > your partner’s ego), and I think all of my readers deserve some full-blown 100% orgasms. If you need some help getting there, check out the next couple of resolutions I’ve got for y’all….

Invest in a good sex toy. Whether you’re doin’ it alone or with a partner, there’s something to be said for investing in a good sexy aide. While they’re a little pricier than some other toys, I’ve heard nothing but good things about the We Vibe and pretty much all of the glass products from Love Style. And hey, if you’re into being green, you can even buy environmentally friendly sex toys now! Environmentally friendly and orgasm inducing – does it get any better?

Find your G-spot. While it’s arguable that this magic spot even exists, you owe it to yourself and your sexual pleasure to make the effort and go exploring. Either by yourself or with your partner, 2011 is the time to really try to figure out what you like. It’s nearly impossible to instruct another to do what you like if you don’t know what that is yourself.

Take some time. Instead of leaving sex and/or masturbation to the very end of your to-do list this year, make a conscious effort to spend some time alone or with your partner and enjoy your sexuality. Set aside an evening – or at least a few hours – every week where phones and laptops are shut off, and the focus is shifted to you and/or your partner, even if you’re kissing or doing a little solo meditation. I know that with work, school, and trying to remain social, this task isn’t easy – but it’ll be worth it.

Shake the heteronormativity. For those of us that fit into what the media tells us is the “norm” – white, straight, middle-class – it’s important to remember that there are a lot of people out there that don’t fit that very tight mold. Whether we’re writers, filmmakers, or just big into talking, remembering that not everyone is straight and white will help to make those who don’t fit into that stereotype to feel a lot more comfortable and welcome.  Using words like “partner” instead of “boyfriend” and “girlfriend,” and trying not to automatically make the assumption that not everyone is heterosexual and cisgendered, we make just a little step in the direction of inclusivity.

Skip the taboo. I’ve come to the realization recently that people only keep secret things that they’re ashamed of. While I don’t think it’s necessary to shout the intricacies of our sex lives from the rooftops, I think being honest about our sexual behavior and not being ashamed of our choices is a big step towards creating a more sex-positive culture. And who wouldn’t want to live in a society where sex is seen as something to embrace, instead of something to hide?

Quit the slut-shaming. One of my new year’s resolutions is to take sex-negative terms like “slut” and “whore” out of my vocabulary. By using those words to describe someone’s outfit or behaviour, we’re only contributing to sex negativity and making people feel guilty about their choices. To quote Tina Fey in Mean Girls, “calling each other sluts and whores just makes it okay for guys to call you sluts and whores.” Well said, Ms. Fey.

Learn. No matter how much you think you know about sex, there is always more to learn. Visit an expo, attend a seminar, or read some books – as with anything, knowledge is power, and the more you know, the greater your sex life will continue to be. I’m always shocked to learn that women my age still don’t know some really basic things about sex (like how the pill works), and it’s that kind of lack of knowledge that puts people at higher risk for the not-so-great aspects of sexuality.  Not to mention that ignorance breeds fear, and having an idea of what’s going on with your body is always a good idea.

Have a fun, safe and sexy new year, my lovely readers! What are your sexy resolutions for 2011?

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