A Lazy Resolution That Will Change Your Love Life

By Kira Sabin

[The following post was written by dating coach, Kira Sabin, a keg of dating and relationship wisdom. She's been helping people find love for years so we thought we'd tap this keg and see what sort of brilliant advice she has for the CollegeCandy readers. Drink up, ladies.]

Ah resolutions… Once the hangover is done by the 2^nd and you are seriously bored at home, nothing seems more perfect than to sit down, contemplate your life and make some resolutions for 2011.  With passion in heart and pen in hand we write down our best intentions for the New Year promising ourselves that “Things Will Be Different!” The problem is that most of the time by January 5^th that new fitness program, study routine or other resolution has already been kicked to the curb.  About as long as it takes to make our resolutions, we have already hooked up with our ex, ate a full pie and were way too busy to exercise since we had to re-watch the last season of Greek on demand. What?!  I love me some Cappie.

To make you feel a little better, only about 12% of people who make resolutions actually follow through on them, so you are in good company.  I would, however,  be a pretty sucky life coach if I congratulated you on your lack of commitment.  I do believe it is important to stop and take stock of your life occasionally and look at what changes need to happen to get us in our happy place (mine has roller coasters and unicorns).  I also believe in this area of your life it is OK to bring on the lazy.

Let me explain.  The person who has decided to add 5 push- ups a day when they wake up is probably going to complete that goal rather than the person who has decided to work out 5 days a week.  At the end of the year, 1,825 push-ups is nothing to scoff at and the feeling of accomplishment is WAY more important than the push-ups.  When we continue to set ourselves up for failure we create a mentality where we stop trying new things in worry that we will only fail again.  This mindset can be paralyzing in life and especially relationships, so ….here is a simple, you-don’t-even-have-to-get-out-of-your-pajamas resolution.

Kick your bad attitude to the curb.

That’s right, young lady, I am talking to you.  In the last year of getting to know college women I am devastated (overdramatic, but true) by the amount of women who already over it.  Giving up.  Done and done.  Somebody hurt them, usually because they never asked for what they wanted or even knew what they wanted anyway because they never sat down and looked at what felt good and what didn’t.

I don’t care if it hasn’t worked in the past. This year you will do it and do it right!  I want you to start with an actual clean slate.  So here is my question for you:  What is your attitude about dating, love and relationships and where is it getting you?  Have you ever bought into any of these dating myths?

All the good ones are taken.
All guys are douche bags.
None of them want to commit.
They only want one thing.

Here is a thought: If you didn’t believe in other areas of your life, would they survive and prosper?  If you didn’t think you could get a college degree, would you?   If you didn’t believe you could have good friends, could you? I am a true believer that if you believe (even if it is somewhere deep down) that no one is out there, then no one will be out there.  We are our own self-fulfilling prophecy.

One of the best parts of life is that we get to choose.  Choose our attitude, choose whom we are friends with, choose our major and even choose who we date.

If you are frustrated by the people you have been meeting/hooking up with, take a moment to realize that you had a choice to pick that person, kiss them and have them be a part of your life.  It was your choice to decide how quickly you got involved, when you become intimate, how much to share, how much to listen.  You were one half of that relationship and ALWAYS had control of your role in it.  As my Grandma always said, if you point your finger at someone you have three pointing back at you.

Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the crap, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose what to expect from them.  You choose whether to share that expectation.  You choose how people will affect your day. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. Bad things are going to happen, but we can choose to be a victim or to learn from it. The bottom line: It’s your choice how you live life.

Your Dating Makeover Challenge:

Sit down over the next couple of days and make a promise to yourself to get lazy. There are no push-ups, weird diet restrictions or even a need to leave the couch.  Just the time to recognize when the toxic thoughts creep in to replace them with thoughts that are actually getting you somewhere.  The belief that you are truly lovable and deserve a relationship where you are respected, appreciated and loved.  That you have love to give and that someone will want it.  Create a phrase that is your default that takes over the crabby Christy in your head that love IS possible in your life.   Have your friends keep you accountable when you feel like giving up.  Know in your heart of hearts that if you are willing to stay positive, set healthy boundaries, let down that wall and actually make it happen, it can. I believe in you, but that is not enough.  You have to believe and once you do, a whole new world can open up.

Embrace that lazy.

Need help to get ready for love? Get all of Kira’s advice right here. Or check out Crush Camp on Kira’s new college love advice site www.thecollegecrush.com.  It’s the second best thing you will ever do.