Bachelor Recap: Brad’s Had Therapy. Lots of It

So did you hear?  Brad Womack’s been doing a bit of soul searching.  And if you tuned in to last night’s Bachelor season premiere, you definitely got the message…about a thousand times.  When Chris Harrison and Brad himself weren’t rejoicing over such a changed man, his therapist even gave a testament to how much effort has been put into this redemption project. (They’re really trying to hold onto those viewers this season…)

By Alex

Amid cheesy shots of a pensive Brad (complete with rain effects) and gratuitous peeks of his soaped up body, we heard the same message over and over and over again: this season is going to be different because this man is different.  Now, do we buy it?  Eh, I’m reserving judgment until we’re a few more episodes into the season.

I will tell you, however, that I had no trouble cutting through this batch of ragtag women.  From the endearing to the straight up bizarre, Brad’s surely got quite a variety of personalities from which to select his one-and-only.  Here’s my pick for this season’s fabulous frontrunners and, well, slightly questionable contestants:

Hell Yeah!

Emily: Now try and tell me this coal miner’s daughter doesn’t remind you of Dolly Parton.  I just want to sit on her couch and eat Velveeta all day!  She’s got southern charm, spunky style, and a little extra spark that puts her over the top.  (And wait, she’s only 24?  WHAT!?) Will Brad be okay that she’s got a daughter waiting at home and a dead ex-sweetheart?  A truly changed man would be, but Brad…who knows.

Ashley S.: She got the first impression rose, so we know dear Brad digs her a little already.  Personally speaking, I thought her offer of friendship was both utterly genius and entirely genuine.  You can tell she’s got a big heart, but that she’s also going to hold Brad accountable when it comes down to it.  Bottom line: I think she’s just a really sweet girl and he better not f*ck her over.

Megan: Okay.  Honestly?  I’m not entirely sold on Megan yet, but I like her a lot better than the rest of the selection so far.  Yeah, her pink suede platform heels were hideous.  And maybe she’s a little more of a tomboy than I think Brad’s looking for.  But this fashion guru from NYC seemed down to earth and above the drama of the house.

WTF!?

Michelle: I think this season with Michelle it’s going to be an issue of either loving her or hating her.  Let me just say I’ve decided early on where I stand.  From the cutthroat attitude to the tacky animal-print dress, she’s got “terror” written all over the place.  Pass!

Madison: You know, the one with the fangs!  When the bachelor confronts you on the first night and basically yells at you because he thinks you’re making a mockery of the process, it’s usually not a good sign.  But Brad got sidetracked during the rose ceremony and gave Dracula here a rose.  (Must’ve thought he was in Bon Temps for a moment.  Wrong show, buddy!)  Who knows what crazy things are in store with this one and if she’ll ever explain where the hell she bought those damn teeth!  Actually, who cares?  Just get her gone!

Ashley H.: The dentist.  According to the season previews, her pearly whites are the only positive thing she’s got going for her.  From sabotaging dates to whining for attention to being a general nuisance, Ashley should definitely wait before fully unpacking those bags. And her patients might want to dial up 1-800-DENTIST; would you want that woman coming at your face with a drill??

Now that we’ve seen what Brad’s working with, who are your Hell Yeahs and WTFs for the season?  Got some faves?  Someone you hate?  (Editor’s Note: Myself, for getting sucked into this sh*tshow.) Shout it out below!