Ask A Dude: How Do I Convince Him I Wasn’t Faking It?

January 12, 2011 4:00 pm     Posted in Advice, Relationships  The Dude g+ page


By The Dude

Hi Dude,

I’m just going to get to the meat of it. My boyfriend and I were having sex, and I like to be a little vocal when I get there, you know, let him know I appreciate his handy work. Well, this time I got to that place like I have never been there before, and I guess I was more vocal than usual. He stops everything that he is doing, grabs his clothes and leaves. I didn’t even know what to say, I was in shock I guess, so I just laid there, wondering what just happened.

He calls within five minutes of leaving my apartment and tells me how “offended he was by me faking my climax, that he was ten times more offended than if I didn’t even climax at all.”

I tried to tell him that I wasn’t faking, that whatever he did that night was great and not to stop doing that for future reference, but he was convinced.

What can I do to get it through to him? I am like a fish out of water in this situation, so I have no clue how I should react.

Utterly baffled,
Ashlee

Dear Ashlee,

DAMN YOU MEG RYAN!!!!! When Harry Met Sally… let the cat out of the bag and men of multiple generations around the world have not been able to trust the female orgasm ever since.

Can guys tell a fake from the genuine article? Many claim expertise in this niche. Most of them sniff glue. The rest want to grow up to be The Situation. There are some physical clues without question but what about escalation? (“We start carrying semi-automatics, they buy automatics, we start wearing Kevlar, they buy armor piercing rounds…and you’re wearing a mask and jumping off rooftops.” Sorry, geek moment.)

For every new method of discerning authenticity, it seems you ladies develop another way to make us question. Because that’s what it comes down to, ladies of the jury, reasonable doubt. In the end, no man EVER can be more than 99.9999999999999999999999% certain you came. That leaves room for one to freak out, freak out, FREAK OUT, like your boy did, Ashlee.

Look, it’s tougher to conjure tangible proof of an orgasm from your end. Let’s be honest. Not all women squirt (if indeed squirting isn’t a myth, for you nonbelievers out there). 99 out of 100 men do ejaculate. That means we’ve got to take you at your word.

So, it comes down to trust. He apparently didn’t trust himself to be a good enough lover to take you to places that aren’t even human (“I made a woman meow”). He didn’t trust you to be honest with your orgasms or lack thereof. He lapsed in the intimacy department.

Odds are he’s had some issues with women faking it in the past or at least of him thinking they’ve faked it with him. Once again we have a situation where one partner is projecting his issues onto the other. As always, it’s a PITA!

You’ve got a few different approaches, from talking it out to seducing with role play, light bondage, or any kink you can think of. However, all roads lead to Rome. In this case, Rome is f@%*ing. Oh yeah, lots of it. And you do not stop until there is no doubt in his mind that you’ve been climbing the stairway to heaven and the stairway was his penis. That’s the best, most practical, and guaranteed way to work through this.

It may not be PC but what the Hell is so PC about a penis going into a vagina to begin with? Sex isn’t sterile. It’s fun. It’s primal. It’s chaos at it’s most exciting and pleasurable. It’s also a venue for vulnerability. He got vulnerable while you got off. Now, like any scared kitten, you’ve got to lure him back into feeling safe. Call him, meet him, screw him. And if that doesn’t work, then screw him. Get yourself a new boy toy because that one’s broken.

Having what she’s having,

The Dude

[Don't you just love him? Wish you could get more? You can! Check out The Dude's other insights into the male mind right here.]

11 Comments on "Ask A Dude: How Do I Convince Him I Wasn’t Faking It?"

  1. kim says:
    Wed, 12th Jan 20114:34 pm 

    keep this guy on the collegecandy board! he's so hilarious!
    this was the best article i've read in a long time from here.

  2. Shonoi says:
    Wed, 12th Jan 20118:12 pm 

    Great article Dude! I agree with 1st commenter.

  3. jennyjenjenhead says:
    Thu, 13th Jan 20112:48 am 

    i literally JUST watched this movie…such a classic!

  4. Lola says:
    Tue, 18th Jan 201110:30 pm 

    I've been hooking up with the same guy for a couple of months now and I think the sex is pretty good. It's not the most outgoing sex I've had but I definitely am into it. So a few nights ago, after a few beers we decided to go back to his place, one thing lead to another as they tend to do and after he asks me, "Did you finish?" (Disclaimer here, No… I didn't finish and I have never in my life have had an orgasm). I said "No, but it's okay because I've never finished." He lays there astonished and then goes "F***, really? Damn, I feel pitiful." He talks about how he feels bad that he's never lead me to the point of no return before, yada yada.

    I then return ask him, "By the way did you?" and HE GOES, "Nah, I normally don't when I'm wearing a condom."

    Dude, we've been having sex since early fall semester, always with a condom. I enjoy the sex even if I'm not reaching the point but isn't a guy not finishing like major blue balls?

  5. Diary Young Asshole says:
    Sat, 22nd Jan 20113:46 pm 

    What men cares if you're lying or not?? If you say you came….mission complete…lol

    (New Studies Show) Men Truly Don’t Care About Women; They’re Just Out to Get Some P**sy http://su.pr/225KDg

  6. cdj0815 says:
    Tue, 1st Feb 201111:58 am 

    I did not know that some men do not "cum" if they are wearing a condom. Get out!

  7. Talkeetna101 says:
    Thu, 10th Feb 20113:47 am 

    Dudes, spend a little time researching the female anatomy and what her body does, in preparation for 'mating' , during and after and what physiological changes occur, even if just momentarily, when she does orgasm. Then if she fakes it, you will definitely know, but done right, she will not need to fake anything. For the woman who never has orgasmed, you are really missing out and need to find the 'right' type of guy. I have met a few women who have never had one, either, and don't believe they can and have proved them all wrong! 'Sex', (True intimacy), takes both people involved and if more guys realized that and put the woman's pleasure, on the same level and priority as his own, and made her feel very much part of it all, and truly appreciated, she can be taken to places she has never been. More>

  8. Talkeetna101 says:
    Thu, 10th Feb 20113:52 am 

    I am in my 50's and by NOT being selfish, knowing how the female system works and knowing what foreplay is really for, (Getting both so excited and giving the woman some 'warm up' orgasms, so that if you don't jump her, when she 'red lines', she WILL jump on you!), and that just ripping her clothes off and a little cl!t action, does not qualify as foreplay, I still can get women, including ones my age to experience things they never thought possible and had never experienced before, just by including them and addressing their needs and emotions, during the act, along with my own and treating them as a woman, not a sex toy. (And, the 'G' spot is NOT a rumor or myth, it IS real and with a little knowledge, skill and guidance, from the woman, it can be found and used very much to her, and your, pleasure and advantage.) There is a huge difference between 'sex' and true intimacy. I haven't done 'sex' for years, as I prefer the romantic and true intimacy, that must be truly 'shared', in order to get there, together.

  9. Talkeetna101 says:
    Thu, 10th Feb 20113:56 am 

    Con't > I can enable her to have multiple orgasms, which turn into one big huge one, that just goes and goes, until she actually 'begs' for mercy and needs to catch her breath, or if she is on top, she will literally fall off, from so many orgasms, that her entire body is just one big nerve, all connected to her sweet spot and she is incapable of even saying her own name. (I lovingly call the state, she is now in, 'stoopidville', as she now cannot process anything, except the pleasure.) Guys are stingier than hell and most never learn that the key to a very satisfied man is a very satisfied woman. (I have heard the same 'horror' stories, from frustrated and unsatisfied women, more times than I care to remember.) And when it is over, you will want to cuddle and both should be completely satisfied, content and at times, completely exhausted. (Exhausted, depending on the 'mood'- hot and heavy or making it last for several hours.) Don't believe me? Try it for yourself. Focus on the other person's pleasure and it will be returned. I have basically described 'Tantric Sex', so there is info available, online, to prove and show how it is done.

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