What Century Are We In Again?

January 12, 2011 12:00 pm     Posted in Reality  Courtney - Bridgewater State University g+ page

Now, I am not one who can talk about making relationships work, because I don’t have the best of luck in that department.  But I do know a thing or two about equal rights, equality in relationships, and being happy. So maybe you can see why I have a problem with this mentality:


By Courtney

“All men want to be treated like kings in a relationship, and I think if women don’t indulge that sometimes, their men are likely to stray and look for someone who can give that to them.” -Celeb chef Giada De Laurentiis in an interview telling the readers of Redbook how she makes her healthy relationship last.

I’m sorry, but I like to be treated like a queen too! With all this talk on keeping men happy, you have to wonder about how the woman feels in the relationship. What is stopping women from straying in relationships?  I don’t know about any of you, but waiting on someone hand in foot isn’t really my ideal relationship situation.

I understand that there needs to be give-and-take in a relationship. It’s about being equals and treating each other with respect. And yes, treating your significant other as a king or queen is nice, but it’s creates problems on both ends. The person being doted on begins to resent the his/her significant other for being put on a pedestal. And the person doing the doting resents the person on the pedestal for not returning the same love and respect they deserve. In what century does that sound like a “healthy relationship”? To me, it seems like both parties would be “likely to stray.”

If a woman is happy doting on a man and letting “men be men” (thanks Patti Stanger for that one), then perfect, I’m glad they are happy and I hope that they both get fulfillment in their relationship.

But for me to be happy, I need to be in an equal relationship with no uneven treatment. And Ms. Stanger, maybe people should let women be women. I think men have gotten to be men for long enough and women should get the chance to do whatever they want with no questions asked. Oh and Giada, women deserve to be just as happy as men, and men should work just as hard  to make sure the woman that they are in a relationship with doesn’t stray from them.

Giada isn’t too old to forget that women and men are now equal, is she? Don’t get me wrong,  I too can appreciate traditional values. But the value from the ’50s that say I’m stuck in a kitchen making my husband whatever he wants…well for me, that one got thrown out a while ago.

Oh and does anyone have a coupon for PetCo? I think I might get started on my crazy cat lady image earlier than planned.

21 Comments on "What Century Are We In Again?"

  1. Sabana says:
    Wed, 12th Jan 20111:47 pm 

    I think that they key word that she used is 'sometimes'. Without reading the rest of the article, I would assume that she meant doing things like cooking for your boyfriend, taking him out, and other stuff like that to feel like he's wanted, but not all the time so as to become unequal. I think this is a great idea because any person, girl or guy, wants to feel special and important. By the same respect, I think the guy should cater to the girl and treat her like a queen sometimes as well.

  2. Lucy says:
    Wed, 12th Jan 20114:30 pm 

    I agree with Sabana..the woman said SOMETIMES. I would hate to date the author if she thinks that doting on your significant other is wrong and is squashing all of our women's progressive rights. I do nice stuff for my boyfriend all the time and I get it in return. It makes a relationship successful, otherwise people become selfish and get wrapped up in their own lives. Give and take, honey.

    New material, please!

  3. LMaine says:
    Wed, 12th Jan 20115:02 pm 

    I think what the author is getting at is that there should be equality in terms of doting. Giada said king, which denotes being subservient because everyone, even the queen, bowed down to the king. If she left that out then I think what she said would've been fine. But because she said king which implies subservience, her words suggest that if a woman isn't subservient to her man then it is her fault if he cheats. I spoil my boyfriend and he spoils me, there's no tricky king/queen relationship about it, just two equals.

  4. Kayla says:
    Wed, 12th Jan 20118:42 pm 

    because history shows kings were always faithful…

  5. Girl/slash/Woman says:
    Thu, 13th Jan 20111:00 am 

    Great article, Courtney.
    I agree with LMaine, the "sometimes" comment almost seems like De Laurentiis is trying to shield herself from a feminist backlash because all of her other comments are ultra-conservative. If she's happy playing slave to her man, they she can go ahead but that's not enough for me and a lot of women I know.
    I was also laughing about the self-blame comment concerning "when it comes to fidelity, she also seems to think the cheated-on spouse shares some culpability if she doesn't give her husband enough attention"… way to give in to patriarchy, love. You're helping us all out immensely.

  6. Mel - Miami University (OH) says:
    Thu, 13th Jan 20116:42 pm 

    Amen!

  7. @staciapriscilla says:
    Mon, 17th Jan 20115:44 pm 

    I think it's part of keeping the king's testosterone level alive. Part of a woman's art is acting as a slave for him but at the same time treat him sort of in a motherly way. Whaddayathink?

  8. Angie says:
    Wed, 19th Jan 201112:06 am 

    I totally agree. There should be equality in a relationship when it comes to respect and affection. True, it's give and take but that doesn't mean one person gets more than the other…

  9. Angie says:
    Wed, 19th Jan 201112:06 am 

    LOL.

  10. Angie says:
    Wed, 19th Jan 201112:12 am 

    I get what you're saying: make a man feel like a man. But I respectfully disagree. If a man needs someone else to keep his testosterone level alive…how much of a man is he? Slavery was abolished a long time ago and if a man already has a mother…does he really need another one?

    I kind of need a man that is already a man in his own right and doesn't need anyone to reassure him of that. I still get the making him feel like a man bit but that doesn't mean I have to downgrade myself into his slave or turn into his mother to accomplish it.

    …Too harsh?

  11. Margo says:
    Wed, 19th Jan 20111:31 pm 

    I believe it is important to spoil one another sometimes, but it's also important to know that what you're doing is going a long way. If you are doing something that your partner does not appreciate or is tired of, it doesn't go as far.

    Also, I believe that even if you spoil someone and they have a disposition to cheat, they will cheat anyway. Some situations you cannot change simply with your actions.

  12. Andy King says:
    Fri, 21st Jan 20115:04 am 

    We all, whether man or woman, are equal.
    The problem with us is we all have ego of being man or woman.
    We just need to be friends without ego.
    That's all.

  13. Gmac says:
    Thu, 3rd Feb 201111:57 am 

    Don't you get it? Keeping a man happy IS what makes her happy. Women could learn a thing or two from chef Giada.

  14. Son of Bob says:
    Fri, 4th Feb 201112:25 am 

    So, in other words, you want what women had before the women's lib nags helped destroy the natural order. Oh sure, they saved the world, they gave you freedom, blah, blah, blah. What they really did was take you off a pedestal. Before the women's lib movement men opened doors for women. If someone was verbally, let alone in any other way, offending a woman, it was a man's place to defend the honor of that woman, whether or not he knew her. Women were to be courted, won over. It was up to the man to "pursue" her and hope to win over her heart. And no, women weren't treated like men, especially in the workplace, because it was up to the man to "support" his wife – to buy her a home, pay the bills, take care of her. Boy, that was all pretty terrible wasn't it? Now, thanks to the women's lib nags, women are the sluts from Jersey Shore, they're objects who are pretty much good for one thing…sex. They're not special, and it's up to them to buy dinner sometimes when the two of you go out. Well, good job feminists, and to the rest of you that bought into them. Aside from getting you the right to vote (wow, you get to choose between such great choices, too), everything else the "women's movement" has done has taken you farther off the pedestal you were once on and made you nothing special. Shame really, you had a pretty good deal once.

  15. (r)Evolutionary says:
    Fri, 4th Feb 20112:00 am 

    Giada's Italian. Very Italian. Duh!

    Italian women, even 'liberated' Italian women know something special about being strong, powerful, sexy women, and that is that true power in the household is generated in the kitchen, by she who cooks, she who provides. Haven't you heard that saying, "When mamma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy?"

    A woman who cooks amazing meals, who dresses sexily for her man, who is fun and playful, she IS powerful, and earns massive social capital, and more importantly, massive respect & love over time.

    Take it from my 93 year old Italian grandmother–she is the absolute Matriarch of her clan. For her to demand equal rights, to demand an equal relationship–would be for her to go backwards massively.

    She will NEVER be alone, with cats, in her later years, even if she lives to be 150 (we can only hope), and she is loved, respected, admired, cared for, and will be forever. Unlike you, if you continue on this path.

    And how did she get that way? By cooking, by nourishing her family, by loving others through actions, by raising 8 kids selflessly. She's a Proverbs 31 woman, an exemplar of what woman can be. (look it up.)

    For what it's worth, I'd take Giada or a woman like her, any day of the week, twice on sundays, over ten women like you. And I'd spoil her rotten.

  16. mike says:
    Wed, 9th Feb 20118:52 am 

    How true.
    The fact is, unlike the fifties, for example, most men today entertain felt hostility and disrespect for woman. And the woman deserve it. They dress like sluts and act like sluts. Just look at the thousands of woman in porn. Look at how many of them choose to be prostitutes and strippers. Look at how they routinely reject nice men for thugs. Most of them will reach the age of 40 childless and with no husband. And they will be invisible to men because they are old. They will be ignored. This will be their punishment for being sluts, a well deserved punishment.

  17. altmanblaudio says:
    Wed, 9th Feb 20115:54 pm 

    The lack of understanding most of the people have on this subject is amazing. You can not change nature. Society has tried and will keep on trying but nature will win out in the end. The makeup of man in every way is different than the makeup of woman. It's a fact. Of course some men and some women could be the same is a lot of ways but in the end there is a core fundamental difference between the two. One clear aspect is the production of testosterone, this affects the Physiological and the Biochemistry of everyone. it promotes larger bone and muscle mass (and other parts) over that of a woman. We know that the production of testosterone and the results it has pushes man towards a natural dominant figure.

    That is what Giada is speaking to. Now before I make my next statement I must say this is only in the context of marriage/family and not a dating relationship…or the courting period. To apply a subservient standard while dating (unless that's who you are, be true to who you are) is ridiculous. During the dating period you are to learn about one another. Discover who they truly are. In a marriage/family structure the wife should be subservient to the husband…but what does that mean? In today's culture the implication or picture of subservience is that of someone who has no say in the dealings of day to day life or anything for that matter and that is simply a lie in regards to what Giada is speaking too. In a marriage there must be love and love is not dominating it is giving. The hebrew definition of love is "to give", most likely if you were to ask your standard person the definition of love would have something to do with sex or physical attraction which is a shame. So when Giada makes that statement she is giving what her man needs she is doing this out of love. I'm sure as the sky is blue that this giving creates, fosters, encourages the giving in him and his giving feeds into hers. The view most people have is myopic. It's not a contest. What starts out in dating is an attraction not love, the attraction (which is proven is a chemical reaction that wears off or lessens over time) drives us to please the other where people fall off is when they don't know how to love. A king will do anything to protect a please his queen.

  18. Michelle says:
    Sun, 13th Feb 20119:18 pm 

    I'm really happy you said "In a marriage/family structure the wife should be subservient to the husband…" I agree, but I think most people have a problem with this because in their mind, subservience equals diminished value. Really this is not the case. It just means the husband has the final say and the wife should call him out when he's wrong, but she still needs to follow him with whatever he decides – he's the quarterback of the team. Like in My Big Fat Greek Wedding, "The husband may be the head, but the wife is the neck and she can turn it whichever way she wants." :)

  19. criolle johnny says:
    Sun, 13th Feb 201111:12 pm 

    Oh for the good ol' days eh Mike … ?? http://blogs.howstuffworks.com/2011/02/10/clamoro… http://www.shanmonster.com/witch/torture/brank.ht…

  20. Bill L. says:
    Tue, 15th Feb 20117:30 am 

    She said that women should indulge that sometimes! Not all of the time. Not forever and ever. Sometimes! Knee-jerk feminism is an ugly trait that will cause a man to either stray or leave.

    FAIL!

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