Enough With the Dating Studies

Like most single girls out there, I’m constantly looking for someone or something to explain my poor luck in love. I seek the honest opinions of my friends (“Seriously, do I have a mustache?”), I seek the advice of dating experts (CollegeCandy’s dating coach and resident Dude have been my go-tos as of late), I watch The Bachelor (though, that’s just to make myself feel a little less crazy), and when a new love and relationship study comes out that might clue me in to the mind of men, I grab my highlighter and start reading.

And where does that leave me?
Uh, exactly where I was before I wasted my precious time and highlighter juice on that crap.

It seems like every day there’s a new relationship study published somewhere. One day the news lady with the helmet hair is saying that guys are attracted to curvy women; the next day she’s saying they like ‘em stick thin. One says we’re attracted to people who look like our parents. Another says we prefer someone to say something nice to us than to have sex at all. The Today Show will highlight a study saying that men love independent women while, at the same exact time, Good Morning America will share findings that men want the damsel in distress.

Grrrrr. Which is it, people?

The latest in “dating psychology” findings? Men want women who aren’t beautiful. The non-scientific study conducted by OK Cupid found that “the more men as a group disagree about a woman’s looks, the more they end up liking her; that having some men think you’re ugly actually works in a woman’s favor.”

So….the reason I’ve been single for over 2 years is because I’m just too damn pretty? Look, I’m quite self-confident (my mother is constantly telling me she needs to install wider doorways in our house so I can fit my head through them….), but even I find that hard to believe.  I am far from perfect and do I have dudes beating down my door?

Sigh. I wish.

The only thing I do believe in this and all studies I hear about is that they are a waste of money and time, and only conducted to keep us soon-to-be crazy cat ladies from picking up our first 10lb bag of kitty litter.

Look, as much as I want answers, as we all want clear, defined answers, when it comes to dating, they don’t exist. There is no secret to finding ‘the one.’ Hell, there might not even be a ‘one.’ Some people find their other half in a bar, others find them at work. Some girls date people that look like their parents, others might find someone who is the complete opposite. Some guys do prefer curvy women, and some prefer girls who don’t look perfect. But none of those things, not ONE, applies to every single person out there.

Dating is not a science, so it’s time to stop looking at it scientifically. There is no study out there that can predict what everyone really wants, so let’s stop trying to find the answers and just start trying to find our perfect person. Because deep down, I know that when the time is right I will find my guy who likes curvy, red headed, loud, hilarious-when-drunk, Wolverine-football-obsessed women, and I’ll never find him in some stupid survey.

But until that time comes, I’ll still be watching The Bachelor. While it won’t give me any sound dating advice, it will give me the trainwreck drama we all need in our lives.



  1. markbyrd says:

    May GOD Bless you!!! Love ,Mark

  2. It's about Your attitude, young single-lady ;]

  3. angie camp says:

    amen, mama!

  4. […] • Are dating studies more harm than they’re worth? (College Candy) […]

  5. Charlotte- University of Birmingham says:

    This is great. We are constantly bombarded with all these ideas that just confuse us!!
    Be yourself and someone will love you for exactly who you are :]]
    I'm about to read that thing about pretty girls not being the girls guys want to date. I can kinda understand to an extent- the guy I'm currently seeing said he would never have made a move on me if I hadn't made one first because he thought I was out of his league!! how do we win with this?!
    Good luck :]] He'll be in all the places you haven't looked yet :]]


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  7. […] So you’re ready for school boys. You’ve got your outfit, you’ve got your game face, you’re ready to go. I told you this week would be sexy. Consider reevaluating your game plan and ignore what the studies are saying. Or not saying. Or, wait what? We’re confused. […]

  8. Only 3 major discoveries can help to revolutionize the online dating industry.
    Major online dating sites can not ignore them any more, or they will die instead.
    I) Several studies showing contraceptive pills users make different mate choices, on average, compared to non-users.
    II) People often report partner preferences that are not compatible with their choices in real life.
    III) Compatibility is all about a high level on personality* similarity* between prospective mates for long term mating with commitment. *personality measured with a normative test. *similarity: there are different ways to calculate similarity, it depends on how mathematically is defined. Also Personality Based Recommender Systems are the next generation of recommender systems because they perform FAR better than Behavioural ones (past actions and pattern of personal preferences) That is the only way to improve recommender systems, to include the personality traits of their users and they need to calculate personality similarity between them.

  9. Paige says:

    the more time you devote to finding the right person, the less time you spend on becoming an interesting, dateable person. stop worrying about what men want (because they aren't clones and no study could ever encompass every man's wants) and make sure you are living the life you want to live. if you never find that person, you will at least want to tell your adopted/sperm donor children interesting stories about your life right?

  10. @psitutor says:

    In general, men are intimidated by my confidence and independence~ they feel they are just not good enough ~:-) But then I live in Australia where men are not encouraged to acknowledge fears in intimacy and to value feeling vulnerable with another~ might explain our high rates of domestic and child abuse and male suicides.

  11. Andy King says:

    In relationship, 2 plus 2 is not 4 always. Each and every individual is different. You will find millions of studies. Do not get in to all these craps.

    I would like to tell you "Just Be Yourself " and keep on trying to find someone that you are looking for.
    Let me tell you there is someone somewhere who thinks like you and looking for someone like you. It's a matter of time. Wait for time. If you are good and looking for someone good, you will get your dream. God bless you…

  12. Sarah says:

    I totally feel your pain, everyone (including guys) say it is because I am sooo pretty, confident, and intelligent, that I apparently intimidate the crap out of guys. I feel like this is a bunch of crap, I am just average and there are way prettier girls than I whom have boyfriends. I really don't know what is wrong either :/ However, I must look on the bright side, it saves me from a lot of heartbreak over guys…. lol

    1. Starling says:

      Maybe it's because you misuse "whom"?

  13. Tricia Hein says:

    There's an episode of "How I met Your Mother" that this made me think of. The idea behind the episode is that it doesn't matter how "perfect" some one is on paper, if they are right for you, that's all that matters.

  14. barakabaka says:

    Few surveyors can demonstrate similar skills in writing case study, and even less can assure its quality. Best work I've seen by far! Your assignment is a profound one. I swear it cost a major brain work.

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