Hickey’s Suck. Pun Intended

January 21, 2011 12:00 pm     Posted in Relationships, Sex  Alyssa – University of Maryland g+ page


By Alyssa – University Of Maryland

Here at CollegeCandy, we consider ourselves mature, talented women with a wealth of knowledge and expertise on a wide range of subjects. (What? If we don’t love ourselves, who will?) We’ve grown and learned from our past, so let me ask you a question:

WHY ARE YOU STILL GIVING AND GETTING HICKEYS?

Seriously, this is some high school stuff that I’m talking about. This goes in this list with movie theater make out sessions, the I-have-no-idea-what-I’m-doing-OMG-am-I-hurting-you? hand job and stealing liquor from your parents’ stash. We’ve all moved on to higher education so let’s leave these blemishes (literally) behind.

Besides the cosmetic issue of having a giant purple splotch on your neck that requires industrial strength concealer to conceal, hickeys kinda hurt. And they’re a ton of work to accomplish (necks don’t vigorously suck themselves, people). And apparently they’re really dangerous. And not in the “OMG, my parents are SO gonna see that” kinda way; I’m talking in the ‘THEY CAN PARALYZE YOU‘ fashion. Maybe it’s the whole vampire trend/art imitating real life, or maybe it’s people marking their territory, but either way I don’t care. I’d rather not have someone potentially paralyze me from bruising my arteries.

Is it worth it? For a giant hookup souvenir that requires you to wear a turtleneck/creatively wrapped pashmina for a week?

Uh, no.

For those of you who are fans out there, reconsider if the pleasure is worth the pain of a potential bruised vessel or blood clot. (Things just got heavy.) And if that doesn’t scare you straight, consider what it would be like to explain your hospitalization to the parental units.

“Hi Mom. No, I’m not calling to ask for more money. I’m in the emergency room. Uh. Yeah, so…no. No, it wasn’t a car accident. No, I didn’t fall out of my loft. It’s like, so, uh, things were getting heated with this boy and….”

Yeah, I thought so.
Let’s stop with the hickeys and practice safe sex, shall we?

16 Comments on "Hickey’s Suck. Pun Intended"

  1. Hickielover2000 says:
    Fri, 21st Jan 20118:36 pm 

    Whatever. I'm so not giving up on hickies. I like them. I still remember the dementions of my first one. 8.5cm by 3cm. No joke. So there.

  2. Jennifer says:
    Fri, 21st Jan 201111:02 pm 

    That's it. I like them, you don't have to, but don't patronize me, and Do. Not. tell me how my sexuality should work.

    I'm so over this site.

  3. kish4ever27 says:
    Sat, 22nd Jan 20117:32 pm 

    This is ridiculous. Just because some people don't know how to give hickeys and can hurt their partners doesn't mean that everyone does it. Personally, I make sure to never cause pain or discomfort when I give hickeys, and I've never had a guy or girl complain about it when I was working on their neck! Don't patronize all of us with your bad experience and vague research, it does not apply to everyone. It's like saying a person who has moles has skin cancer, just because it sometimes causes it. Most of the time it doesn't, just like most hickeys are harmless.

    If the person knows what they're doing, hickey's are harmless AND painless. Perhaps the author just hasn't experienced a lover who's good with their mouth.

  4. Marisa says:
    Sat, 22nd Jan 20118:26 pm 

    By reading the few comments on this post I can tell some people really like their hickeys. Get over it, this article is just one person's opinion (and a damn good one at that). Hickeys are pretty trashy and very high school.

  5. Loverallaround says:
    Sat, 22nd Jan 20118:36 pm 

    A hickey is a bruise, not a tumor, and the paralysis was a one in a billion chance. Do your research next time

  6. Jessica says:
    Sun, 23rd Jan 201112:59 pm 

    Safe sex is safer than hickeys? You do realize that some STD's, such as the HIV virus, are so small they can still get pass a condom. You realize that there are a many girls who, even when they used protection, still got pregnant

    The chances of getting an STD or even pregnant, despite having safe sex, is still higher than getting paralyzed from a hickey.

    Don't judge a person's sex life based on what they do. It's their life, and if they didn't like it, they wouldn't do it.

  7. Armygrl124 says:
    Mon, 24th Jan 20113:45 pm 

    If she doesn't like them, then that's what she should have said and left it there. The problem is that she's trying to make is sound dangerous with fake facts and calling on situations that are a one in a million chance. It's fine that she doesn't like it, and other people are entitled to that opinion, but if that's the kind of message that she's trying to make, then she need facts, not myths

  8. Abs says:
    Tue, 25th Jan 20112:50 am 

    This isn't webmd, my god people. you don't get medical facts from a website called collegecandy. The writer added the fact about the rare reaction to top off her general hickey rant, not "patronize" this rare group of people who actually enjoy giving and receiving hickeys. if you're gonna demand that people let you be free sexually, you better let others be free to think you're gross.

  9. FRW says:
    Tue, 25th Jan 20115:10 pm 

    Agree with many above. What's wrong with a small hickey more on the shoulder, out of view if he puts a t-shirt on? Yeah, I don't do it all the time but I still like the occasional love bite.

    Plus I also like movie theater make out sessions.

  10. ileavebitemarks says:
    Thu, 27th Jan 20113:24 pm 

    Love Hickeys–and I am way too old for them! I always put them just out of sight–low on the neck or shoulder. So does the man I am with. Gotta say we are both fans.
    People need to stay out of other people's personal lives–Live and Let Live :-)

  11. Sue says:
    Thu, 27th Jan 20115:19 pm 

    Let's see, I am a 56 yo female and I love to be bitten. Why because it feels damn good that's why. I can orgasm from being bitten while in the throes of passion. So there you little turkey college upstarts. Oh, BTW I have a master's degree. Ya just leave the marks where they won't show.

  12. Morgan says:
    Sun, 3rd Jul 20111:18 pm 

    hickeys are fine if they are occaisoinal and out of site. Even those of you who like hickeys and disagree with this post must realize that a giant purple mark in the middle of your neck looks trashy. and no matter if it means you have a healthy sex life or not people WILL judge you for it. so keep them small and hidden. there is a lot of unsurety about hickeys under doctors eyes, they say paralysis or cancer can be caused by them, but I think that its rare, and yes I admit I'll let my boyfriend leave a hickey every once in while, like a small one on my breast where noone can see it but me. and honestly the fact that its placed where noone can see it but me takes it from trashy to sexy.

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