Ask A Dude: Why Is He Treating Me Like Crap?
I’m a first year college student. I’d never been in love…until recently. I met this guy in October and he seemed like everything I always wanted–cute and smart and boy, could he make me laugh. It wasn’t long before I started seriously falling for him.
Then, the snowball began to spin out of control. I did nothing nor said nothing while he flirted with a million other girls, even though I wanted to die a little. I did nor said nothing when he asked me to be his girlfriend in November then changed his mind a few weeks later without telling me. I did nor said nothing while he was leading me on, telling me we’d have a future but never committing to me NOW.
The last time we spoke was a few days ago. He was talking about our future. The day after that, he has a new girlfriend. I’m so beyond angry at him. Part of me never wants to talk to him again, despite the fact that we were quite close. The other part is still crazy about him even after all he did to me. Everyone said to stay the hell away from him because he would break my heart. I never listened. Turns out it was true.
We’ve hooked up a few times, which makes this so much worse for me. So much more painful because I’d never done any of that stuff before him. I’d never wanted to, until him. Please, Dude, just tell me why he did this to me. I feel so horrible, like I’m not good enough. I need answers or else I’ll go insane, I know it.
Can’t Stop Crying
Dear Can’t Stop Crying,
HE’S AN A**HOLE!
Simple. Clean. Easy to understand.
Look, we can make the same realization a thousand times in our lives and still the knowledge doesn’t sink in. You know he’s an a**hole. He has proven himself many times over to be an a**hole. Yet you can’t let go of the a**hole. Why? Few possibilities:
1. You don’t think you can do better.
2. You don’t think you deserve better.
3. You think he acts this way because of something you’ve done.
4. You think he’ll eventually snap out of it because he convinced you once that he cared about you.
You know what the common denominator is to all of those possibilities? Your low self-esteem.
There’s a harsh reality you may need to wake up to: After letting yourself be f*&ked over so many times, it’s not all his fault. You have to own up to your end of the short end in your rear end. You didn’t listen. You kept giving him your trust without asking him to earn it. At this point, it’s not just the a**hole who’s f*&king you over, you’re f*&king yourself over.
AND YOU CAN STOP IT RIGHT NOW!
Wakey, wakey, eggs ‘n bakey. This is your wake up call. So, WAKE UP! You feel like you’re going insane? Do you know the definition of insanity? Repeating the same action over and over again and expecting a different result. According to that definition, you are acting insane. BREAK THE PATTERN!
Go out. Sign up for JDate. Lean on your friends. Take a class on campus. Get a gym membership. Go to a new coffee shop. Make a change! You make one change in your life, you find one new thing to be excited over, you indulge in one new thing that makes you happy, and you’re on the road to recovery.
Right now, you’re revolving your whole life around the pain he’s caused you and that you’re causing yourself. You feel trapped. Well, stop waiting for a hero to rescue you and be your own hero. It’s not up to him to turn your life around, it’s up to you. First step’s the hardest. But you have to take it. Snowballing starts with the falling of a single snowflake (yes, I actually just made up that ridiculous proverb).
Here’s the first step I’d recommend: Lose the a**hole’s number. The second step? Buy your friends an apology drink. Each. Third step? When he calls, don’t pick up.
It’s time to wipe your eyes and find your own two feet. Trust me, they’re right underneath you. All you’ve got to do is look down to see them, planted on the ground. So don’t get caught up in the a**hole’s BS.
F*&k the a**hole,
[Don't you just love him? Wish you could get more? You can! Check out The Dude's other insights into the male mind right here.]