I want Serena’s boobs. Ok, now that we have that out of the way….
Burrr. It’s cold in the Midwest and the frostbite that was last night’s episode of Gossip Girl isn’t making it any better. GG is turning into the LAX airport; I hate going there, but the celebrity fashion is great. I really think the CW network has the ability to turn any show into the most depressing thing I’ve ever seen. I mean look at One Tree Hill. GG has turned into such a downer, it’s no wonder they air it on Mondays. Just the cherry on my I-Hate-Monday cream pie.
Since GG is sucking it up lately (see last week’s suck-fest here), how is one supposed to keep the Upper East Side hot? Chuck keeps warm the old fashioned way (under the covers…with a slut bag!), Eric seeks the comfort of loved ones (even if they’re drug dealers), and others try to keep away the gloom by keeping things bright. Like me!
This week, it’s time we look on the bright side of the Upper East Side. You know, see the glass (of $1,000 champagne) half-full. Find the silver (or platinum?) lining. Stop and smell the roses (and Chanel No. 5). Or any other cliche that means “try to find something good going on in this stupid show so I can bring myself to keep watching it every week.”
‘W’ Stands for Something Blair ‘Way Never Imagined’
Cold Side: Dan doesn’t know the difference between Rodarte and Roadkill. Dan is a horribly looking straight guy working at a magazine. Blair feels threatened. So threatened in fact, they end up girl-slapping each other on the floor of an event, blah, blah, blah. This whole Dan-Blair-internship-bond is getting insanely unrealistic. Thank god it didn’t last long.
Bright Side: Dan knows his Marc Jacobs and Cappuccino maker! Not to mention, Dan and his peacoat are boot licking my heart. I wish I could watch him stroll down the New York sidewalks all. day. long. Also, does anyone else see a Blair/Dan bed romp coming around the bend anytime soon? That is just the deliciously awkward moment that could turn this entire season around.
Elliot + ‘Air Bud’ Boy = Love and Other Drugs?
Cold Side: Elliot and Eric broke up!?! That’s like the Tom and Lorenzo of gay Upper East Side coming to an end! And now he’s replacing Elliot with ‘Air Bud’ Boy [i.e. Damien]? And drugs? I don’t like this. I don’t like this at all. When are you going to realize your occupation ruins people, ‘Air Bud’ Boy?!
Bright Side: ‘Air Bud’ Boy Damien’s dimples. And piercing eyes. That is all.
Lily Is Stuffing Envelopes
Cold Side: OK – the fashion wasn’t even doing any justice on this episode. What’s with Serena’s crop top sweater? Did Grandma Van der Woodsen run out of yarn while she was make-shifting a top? Speaking of things that are way too short, let’s talk about Serena’s brunch with Ben. For real, that made a Van der Woodsen/Humphrey family brunch look like a weekend in the Catskills. Maybe that has something to do with all that cold, hard cash Lily is shoving in manilla envelopes? Hey Lily, stop paying people off! And being a terrible mother. And doing everything wrong. Instead, be more productive and start paying my rent! Kay, thanks!
Bright Side: Uh. I can’t find one. Even Lily’s sparkly blazer didn’t do it for me this week. I’m sick of your shenans, Lilster, and claiming you’re doing it all for the kids. I’ve heard that line before; let’s get more creative.
Oh, Nate’s Still Here?
Cold Side: While Nate tried to play ‘daddy-it’s-OK-I’ll-fix-this-mess’ he gets his Dad fired from Thorpe Industries. That’s something you can’t fix with a Facebook mass message, Nate. Get a clue already.
Bright Side: Nate’s dad finally discovers what he really wants….to live in a halfway house instead of with someone who only halfway trusts him. And it’s good to know Nate is single-handedly saving the economy with all of that hair gel he must use to sweep his pot-fried locks back. Oh, and maybe Nate has a future in professional pool?
Ben Sees That Look in Serena’s Eyes
Cold Side: Since Ben sees that look in her eyes he has to leave. Whatever that means. Who doesn’t see that look in Serena’s eyes? That tear-kissed look that reflects images of angels and Cupid? Since Ben is leaving, looks like the only thing Serena will be snuggling up to this winter is her warm bosom (because that thing she calls a sweater isn’t big enough to keep her warm). Or Dan. We all know he’s gonna wait around for her.
Bright Side: Those BOOBS.
OK, I’m feeling a little better now, though it’s probably just the image of Damien’s dimples in my mind. Luckily for GG, those are all it takes to bring me back next week. Until then….
(Gossip Girl Recap Girl)