He Said/She Said is a new series designed to help all our wonderfully confused readers figure out what he’s really thinking. So every week we’ll be throwing out a topic for debate…and unlike our fave dude, these guys won’t be sugar coating anything for you. But before you jump into their heads (which seriously will make you feel like you need to shower), check out what we think!]
In the economics of relationships, things seem relatively simple. You invest parts of you in hopes of getting something in return, be it love, affection, respect or in some cases of a Tiffany’s princess cut. The same applies to the economics of sex. When things are getting down and dirty you’re hoping at the end of all of it, you aren’t left down and out. Returning the favor is simple economics – what you get should equal (if not, surpass) what you put in.
At the risk of sounding anti-feminist, returning the favor (while it is not always something a girl looks forward to…especially after a guy’s had 10 vodka Red Bulls) is only fair. Strictly speaking in terms of giving and receiving, reciprocation makes sense because it balances the scale. Returning the favor is not necessary, but it is considerate. The guy just worked his tongue off to rock your world, after all, it’s only fair you do the same.
But, and there’s always a but, every rule carries with it a list of exceptions. Here are just a few of mine:
1. If you’ve already told him in advance that you’re not interested in going south on him –If you warned your man in advance and firmly stated your lack of interest in returning the favor and he still takes the time to focus solely on your pleasure, then by all means, lay back and enjoy.
2. If you’re not that into him – If you’re not feeling the heat while in the midst of messing around with a guy, what’s the point in
causing jaw/neck pain taking the time to prolong the deed? If you’d rather make out with your gay best friend than the guy in front of you, there’s no shame in skipping out.
3. If you’re not ready – Like anything regarding sex, I would never promote the notion of returning the favor to a girl who wasn’t ready. If the time comes for reciprocation and something is missing or off, the potential regret is never worth pushing aside your own integrity.
I think that sometimes as girls we have a tendency to assume all boys are lecherous hornballs who’ll take whatever they can get in the sack, even if that means putting a girl’s pleasure before their own. But when it comes down to it, I’m willing to bet there are as many guys who don’t like going down on girls as there are girls who don’t like going down on guys. A lot of girls think they’re doing their guys a favor by letting them get to third base, like in some way it satisfies their stereotypical sexual appetite, but it’s not always better to give than to receive. Especially when what they can receive is as wonderful/earth shattering/mind blowing/thank-god-I-didn’t-have-to-do-this-myself as an orgasm.
Though the science of returning the favor is a game of expectations and pressure, at the very base of it, when you like the guy, returning the favor is considerate. I believe that if you expect the guy to focus on you, you should take the time to focus on him (and vice versa for guys).
There’s always going to be girls who swear up and down that their guy “absolutely loves giving even if they don’t receive” and while I don’t doubt that those men exist, I refuse to believe they in the majority. And if you’re one of the lucky ladies who have scored those elusive men, give yourself a nice pat on the back (then lay back and enjoy yourself) because you’ve just made every girl jealous.
But unless your genitals are made out of chocolate there’s no excuse to ignore the notion that pleasure is a two-way street. That goes for you too, guys!
If you truly enjoy getting it on with your partner, when it comes to returning the favor, there’s not much to think about because you should want to turn each other on. Though reciprocity carries some important exceptions, it’s a great way to show each other you care about the other’s pleasure level and really, if you’re both getting some, what’s the downside to heightened levels of pleasure in the sack?
Want to see what he said? Check out the male response at COEDmagazine.com