Morning After: Laptop Lemonade

By Anonymous

[Everyone’s got a morning after story (some of which include less than stable lofts) and we wanna hear yours! Send it over to us and we’ll post it – anonymously, of course – right here!]

I consider myself a pretty honest person. I’m no Mother Theresa, but I don’t lie, especially to authority figures and people I need things from. Back in my sophomore year, I didn’t exactly live up to this creed and it came back to kick my butt. Hard.

Let’s go back to fall of my sophomore year, when my biggest problems were which Halloween party to go to and how to convince my boyfriend to dress up as a Disney prince.  After promising baked goods and undergoing a frantic search for final accessories, we were ready to make our rounds to the nearby apartment parties, ready to wow the crowd with our awesome outfits and get lots of Facebook-worthy pictures. I was on my game, almost.

Any of you who have survived a Halloween on a college campus know it is a mess of jungle juice, cheap shots and sloppy, unknown kids crashing your party. It’s a jumble of limbs and scantily clad co-eds who end up lost in the morning. As an experienced Halloween-er I thought that I would be good to go. Unfortunately my Prince Charming was not.

Fast-forward a few hours after we’d left the party and stumbled back to my dorm where we crashed from exhaustion, without enough energy to change out of our ensembles let alone have a little role playing sexy time. Suddenly, I was awoken to the sound of water and sat up to see him “relieving himself” in the corner of my bedroom.

“GO TO THE BATHROOM, CHRIS!” I screamed as I realized what was going on.

“I’m in the bathroom…I’m going…I’m going…” he mumbles, and I quickly drift back asleep.

The next morning, I woke from my slumber, and couldn’t look less like a princess.  After rolling around and moaning for awhile, I finally got out of bed and ran to my laptop, hoping someone has already updated pictures from last night. Only my laptop wouldn’t turn on. And it was sticky. And….OMG is that a puddle on my desk?

And then it all came together.

Chris.
Peeing.
Middle of the night.

ON MY LAPTOP!?

Needless to say, I freaked! Then Chris freaked. Then I freaked some more. I mean, what the hell was I supposed to do without a laptop? AND WHO PEES ON A LAPTOP?

So I did what any college student would do – I cleaned up what I could (wearing gloves, obviously) and made an appointment at the repair center. Nervous and trying to come up with a not-so-embarrassing excuse for my problems, I walked right into the store and held up my computer, hoping the genius could bring it back to life. With a suspicious glance of one who knows, he gingerly opened my laptop and wrinkled his nose. “What happened?” He asked slowly.

“I…spilled lemonade on it!”

As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew how dumb they sounded. Lemonade? Why? Because it’s yellow? And sticky? Come on, they keyboard didn’t smell like fresh lemons….

The guy lifted the computer, inspecting it, then gave me a knowing look.

“Lemonade…OK. Well, unfortunately the computer is ruined. There’s nothing we can do about this…..lemonade damage.” He nudged it back across the desk, avoiding any direct contact. As I left the shop, dead laptop in a bag, I heard the entire staff bust out in laughter.

I learned my lesson about lying that day, and my boyfriend learned one too when I brought him the bill for a replacement. Halloween, you guys… no one makes it out unscathed.

[You think that's bad? Check out our other cringe-worthy Morning After stories.]