What’s The Big Deal About Rihanna’s “S&M”?

February 7, 2011 5:00 pm     Posted in Buzz, Entertainment, Reality  Charlsie Niemiec g+ page


By Charlsie Niemiec

Rihanna’s latest video for her song “S&M” hasn’t even been out for a week, but it’s stirring up a controversy.  Due to the sexual nature of the video and its subject, “S&M” has been banned in 11 countries, restricted on YouTube (it’s only available if you log-in with an account that proves you’re over 18), and pulled from play on some radio-stations until after 7pm.  Some radio stations have even changed the name from “S&M” to “Come On.” (Read all about the scandal and watch the full video here.)

But seriously, come on! While some critics and fans are outraged by her sexual lyrics and fetish-filled video, I can’t help but wonder where the boundaries of entertainment actually stand.

Women are seen as sexual beings, but when they express that sexuality in any way that would make someone uncomfortable, it’s not okay. Even recently, the indie film Blue Valentine with Michelle Williams and Ryan Gosling came under fire for the scene where Ryan’s character performs oral sex on Michelle. We live in a world where it’s OK to fellate a man in a movie, but it’s not accepted for a woman to receive cunnilingus. Although the NC-17 rating was eventually dropped (thanks to Ryan Gosling fighting for it in the press), it shows that double standards still exist in movies and in music. This isn’t 1950!

Rihanna’s “S&M” video plays with two concepts: Rihanna’s public/private life being slung through the mud (thanks to the press) and Rihanna exploring her playful, sexual side that is turned on by sadomasochism (also known as S&M).  Scenes include members of the press with ball-gags in their mouth, Rihanna walking celebrity blogger Perez Hilton on a leash, Rihanna wearing latex while holding a riding crop, and a Japanese bondage scene where Rihanna is tied up. It’s a fluffy world of pop art — sexually inspired. The video is colorful and jam-packed with jaw-dropping entertainment.

But that’s exactly it … just shocking entertainment. In fact, there are no whips, chains, and no sex scenes. It seems that because Rihanna is singing about possible fetishes and sexual interests, it’s enough to get America in a tizzy. However, rock and roll videos and rap videos have featured sex scenes for years and years, but they aren’t banned. While some of the topics may be taboo, I don’t think any of them are too taboo to be mainstream in today’s society, especially when men can get away with these things all the time.

Think about it — if Justin Timberlake released “S&M” with a video that featured women bound, gagged, and coated in latex — I highly doubt it would get banned or struck with an 18+ rating. It would be considered “hot,” “envelope pushing,” and the radio would play it all day, every day, on every station, until we couldn’t stand to hear it anymore. Music produced and put out by men often focuses on women in degrading ways (violence and sexualization of women, mostly). However, the degrees of degradation rarely calls for  censorship in the male entertainment culture, which is why we seem immune to it when Usher, Eminem, or other popular artists produce songs that would be considered controversial if a woman sang them. We are even immune to it when Charlie Sheen breaks the law and goes to rehab, but not when Lindsay Lohan is in court or at the Betty Ford clinic.

It’s interesting to me how no one seemed to mind when Rihanna and Eminem released “Love The Way You Lie.” The video received a lot of talk about domestic violence, but it was used as a conversation starter. There was no age restriction placed on the song/video and it wasn’t banned. MTV and VH1 ate it up. The radio played it constantly (they still do). It didn’t matter that the subject was ‘adult’ or that the end of the video features Eminem rapping “I’m gonna tie her to the bed and set this house on fire” as the house goes up in flames. That was okay, but singing about pleasure during sex — not so much. It’s weird when society uses “Love the Way You Lie” as a way to talk about domestic abuse when it features a violent, abusive ending. Since when is abuse OK, but consensual sex isn’t?

“S&M” could open a great dialogue about sex, but instead, it’s being used as a way to slut-shame and bash Rihanna. While people cheered her on for breaking the silence of abuse for “Love The Way You Lie” (hello people — the song actually highlighted abuse), they are now calling her a terrible role model who had no business pressing charges against Chris Brown when he physically beat her because she sings “Sticks and bones may break my bones/ But chains and whips excite me.”

No. No. No!

There is a huge difference between wanting a spanking in the bedroom and getting your face bashed in when your boyfriend is mad. A HUGE difference. Permission and consent are just the beginning of what makes it different for her to want something in a sexual context, nevermind what Chris Brown did to her was unexcusable and wrong, not consensual, and not pleasurable. It wasn’t what she wanted — especially from her boyfriend. But yet, we are comparing it like it’s apples to apples.

Perhaps as a society we can’t handle Rihanna expressing herself sexually, especially in lieu of what happened with Chris Brown. But it’s not up to us to discriminate on a case by case basis. The standards need to be set for everyone. If Buck Cherry can release a song called “Crazy Bitch” with lyrics like “You’re a crazy bitch/But you f*ck so good I’m on top of it” and a video that is equally as vulgar (no censorship for it), then top-40 divas like Rihanna, Christina Aguilera, Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, and Pink should be able to release songs expressing their sexual fantasies or exploitations.

Why are we okay with Usher wanting to “make love in the club” (in front of people) but not okay with Miley Cyrus dancing inside of a cage for everyone to see (remember how shocked people were about “Can’t Be Tamed”)? But even more, why are we okay with the blurry set of standards, the slut-bashing of women, and the double standards pitted against each other time and time again?

It’s 2011 and it’s time to stop. And whether or not you like Rihanna, I sure am glad that she is not afraid to entertain people by pushing the envelope that forces us to take a look at what’s making us uncomfortable and what’s not.

What do you think about Rihanna and “S&M”? Should the entertainment industry make their censorship clear or should it be a case by case basis? Let us know what you think!

47 Comments on "What’s The Big Deal About Rihanna’s “S&M”?"

  1. criolle johnny says:
    Mon, 7th Feb 20116:54 pm 

    "if Justin Timberlake released “S&M” with a video that featured women bound, gagged, and coated in
    latex —"
    He would get the Chris Brown treatment! The press would suddenly "discover the real reason" for his breakup with Brittany. Then he would be forced to enter the Tiger Woods/Ben Roethlisberger rehab center for sex addict (read MALE) celebrities.
    Rihanna has been shouting to the world who she really is since she whacked Chris Brown over the head with a pair of spiked heels while he was driving. Only there is NEVER an excuse to hit a women! Even if she is an S&M freak/lunatic trying to kill you both.
    Chains and whips excite her. Denial is a river in Africa.
    I can see it, I can hear it, I can smell it over the web, I must hate women.

  2. SLW says:
    Mon, 7th Feb 20117:14 pm 

    I'm not a fan of Rhiana, but I agree that she should have equal treatment as male artists when it comes to music and video distribution. I just watched the video and found it harmless. The video is far from her sexiest.

  3. kenisha01 says:
    Mon, 7th Feb 20117:24 pm 

    i agree 100% with everything you said because people need to be open minded and fear to both sexes. It is a great song and the video is well done. It give just enough to get the subject across without going over board.

  4. shari says:
    Mon, 7th Feb 20117:30 pm 

    you took the words right out of my mouth!! :)

  5. Eve says:
    Mon, 7th Feb 20118:30 pm 

    Too many double standards in the industry.

  6. @psitutor says:
    Mon, 7th Feb 201111:06 pm 

    Whilst I'm not an advocate for S&M, given the sexualisation of violence and the maintaining of a status quo of dominator-dominated~ I completely agree with the celebration of women's and men's pleasure of sex and that women should be seen more to enjoy it. It's disturbing that cunnilingus continues to be viewed by many of those in power to censor, as obscene.

    A great article~ disappointing that there are not more comments~ again, women's sexuality is of little interest if it is not about us being viewed as "lesser" or objectified.

  7. Rachel says:
    Mon, 7th Feb 201111:39 pm 

    wow this was an amazing article!!! i so agree with everything you said.

  8. intoyourblueeyes says:
    Tue, 8th Feb 201112:17 am 

    You are really very good writer, you write thoughts from people's mind…

    How To Make a Guy Fall In Love With You

  9. Charlsie - Hollins University says:
    Tue, 8th Feb 201112:40 am 

    Thank you @intoyourblueeyes!

  10. Charlsie - Hollins University says:
    Tue, 8th Feb 201112:41 am 

    Thanks for the comment Rachel. I'm not really a Rihanna fan, but I felt like this had to be said.

  11. Charlsie - Hollins University says:
    Tue, 8th Feb 201112:43 am 

    Thanks for the comment @psitutor! I think what's important is whether or not people advocate for S&M or not, it's still about the celebration of having the freedom to be into what you want. And you're so right — it's terrible that the male/female version of sex is different. One is ok, and the other is censored, obscene, and objectified.

  12. Charlsie - Hollins University says:
    Tue, 8th Feb 201112:44 am 

    I think there are even double standards against the kinds of things ok in videos. For example, in Pink's latest video … a young woman cuts the words "Perfect" into her arm. It's not censored, although the scene is detailed and graphic. But then we have Rihanna's video and song being taken off the air? The lines are so blurry of what's ok and what isn't.

  13. Charlsie - Hollins University says:
    Tue, 8th Feb 201112:45 am 

    Glad I could get what you were thinking out there. I knew I wasn't the only one thinking these things.

  14. Charlsie - Hollins University says:
    Tue, 8th Feb 201112:47 am 

    So true! I think the pop-art way of video helped it a lot. If she was looking for something jaw-dropping, I think she would have gone for black leather, more bondage focused. This was playful, innocent, and upbeat. Nothing dark or scary. Just right on to get her point across.

  15. Charlsie - Hollins University says:
    Tue, 8th Feb 201112:47 am 

    The inequality between men/women and the issues they face still astounds me. It's 2011, right?

  16. attentionwh says:
    Tue, 8th Feb 20116:20 am 

    I totally agree! Women should be free to express themselves, and sex shouldn't be that taboo anymore! I thought we were progressing, but obviously people still have some kind of boundries when it comes to women and sex. Men and women should be equal, I'm getting sick of this discrimination.

  17. D.Fuentes says:
    Tue, 8th Feb 20114:55 pm 

    I love this article, I agree with all you say . Singers sing because they want to express what they're are feeling or thinking, you don't have to agree with it because it is an opinion after all. If Rihanna's fans like the song and video there is nothing else to be discussed.

  18. Mel says:
    Tue, 8th Feb 20116:57 pm 

    The song made me uncomfortable before and now it and it's music video make me uncomfortable. Not surprising to me. Nothing has changed my opinion of it. I see where she was going with it and everything, but I still don't like it. XD And I'm pretty sure I wouldn't like the song (or the video) if DIDN'T make me feel uncomfortable.

  19. rihannadiario says:
    Wed, 9th Feb 20111:24 pm 

    Totally agree with this article.

  20. Imaobong Benjamin says:
    Wed, 9th Feb 20111:57 pm 

    @Criolle Johnny…..u are jst a Chris brown fan living in denial nd wud never accept the truth even wen it stares at ur face…we dnt even wanna go in2 Chris Brown’s issue here cos he was wrong nd will ever remain wrong, u’re still mad at Rihanna cos u fans of his think she spoilt his career,he shd be grateful to Rihanna for not allowing that case go further dan dat..she pitied him nd jst it all go!!!..u’re an African,I’m an African too nd i think de average African woman is okay wid being battered by her bf/husband dats wat gives u de ability to say wat u’re saying, if u’re a man den may God give u a wife dat wud cheat on u like Chris Brown,nd if u’re a gurl may God give u a man dat cheats on u and beats u up wen u ask him why hez cheating…

  21. Amelia says:
    Wed, 9th Feb 20119:48 pm 

    This article is absurd. Your comparisons are illogical. There is no way that a Justin Timberlake video featuring women bound and gagged would be considered "hot." Your saying it doesn't make it true. Can you come up with any actual example? S&M is not mainstream, and probably never will be. And that's fine. Who cares? Just because some people like it doesn't mean that everyone has to. And how has the treatment of Charlie Sheen been any different from that for Lindsay Lohan? Can you actually come up with an example? They're both national laughingstocks. As for Usher's "make love in this club" line – is that upsetting for any reason? And comparing it to Miley Cyrus cage-dancing? Are you kidding? The controversy surrounding her is the fact that the nation basically watched her grow up and that she continues to have very young fans. Who isn't uncomfortable with the cute little girl next door suddenly starting to wear revealing clothing and asserting herself sexually? Get a clue.

  22. criolle johnny says:
    Thu, 10th Feb 201112:10 am 

    1. WHAT is your primary language?
    2. "criolle" means "New World Hispanic" which precludes the possibility of my being completely African, although I claim multi-racial ancestry.
    3. "if" I'm a man? Did you miss the name "johnny"?
    4. I did not claim that a J/T S&M video would be "hot". In fact, that was my POINT! This article complained about double standards and I was reflecting that double standards work both ways.
    5. I have never bough anything produced by CB, and do not plan to do so. I do believe that nearly all the press in his incident with Rihanna was one-sided. She's produced a series of music and videos since the "assault" to lend ample credence to his allegations.
    6. What-in-the-hell does "she pitied him nd jst it all go" even MEAN?
    7. LiLo and Charlie Sheen are both laughingstocks … all the way to the banks. I think they are both laughing at all of us as they cash their checks.
    8. If you cut a small hole in your navel, it might improve your vision.

  23. Charlsie - Hollins University says:
    Thu, 10th Feb 20112:12 pm 

    Sorry Amelia, but I continue to support my argument and my examples.

    1. Justin Timberlake has featured violence against women in his videos multiple times, but it is never banned. If you look at videos put on by men and videos put out by women, women are more likely to be banned for sex and violence than if a man does it. If Justin Timberlake released a video similar to Rihanna's, I do believe wholeheartedly that it would be considered hot and accepted.

    2. Charlie Sheen has a career. In fact, he is the highest paid TV actor. Even though LiLoh and Charlie may be laughingstocks of the country, the way they are handled in the media is completely different. The headlines for Lindsay are about "Will she ever get her life back together?" … "What has Lindsay done now?" The things Lindsay has done are MILD in comparison to what Charlie Sheen has done, but we badger her more than him.

  24. Chase says:
    Thu, 10th Feb 20113:26 pm 

    AMEN!

  25. rihanna songs says:
    Sat, 12th Feb 20112:54 am 

    Oh rihanna is crazy what would children say when they saw this o.O
    I love this song but I am adult this should be only available for adults :D

  26. Amelia says:
    Sat, 12th Feb 20113:47 pm 

    How about some examples of the "multiple times" Justin Timberlake has featured violence against women in his videos? How about some examples of any of your comments?? Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan both technically "have careers" and will continue to do so in the future. The only difference is that, at least for a while, Charlie Sheen was more functional and had a really popular show on TV. I'm not defending him at all, but he is a lot more popular than Lindsay Lohan, who hasn't produced anything of value since A Prairie Home Companion. So there's that.

    And I really love your comments on Usher. So, exhibitionism = S&M because "exhibitionism is often linked to S&M." Are you serious? That's your argument? And no, Usher didn't start off as a preteen with a show on the Disney channel and millions of preteen fans. It's a completely different situation.

  27. reggie says:
    Sat, 12th Feb 20113:49 pm 

    just saying "i support my arguments" and "i do believe" that something would happen isn't actually the same as evidence…

  28. Shanise M says:
    Wed, 16th Feb 20116:52 pm 

    You should look into her getting sued for the video by Dave LeChapplle because the scenes looks exactly like his spread from vogue, that's an interesting topic as well! Greatly written article!

  29. dancing oranges says:
    Sat, 19th Feb 201110:28 pm 

    i agree, i mean doesn't Justin timberlake sing 'you can whip me if i misbehave' then why cant she say 'chains and whips excite me'? i guess female sexuality is still something that world isn't ready to accept? females are still meant to be modest in their approach to sexuality, i guess. But you would think that since madonna did this years ago, it wouldn't this shocking in this day and age. human nature by madonna seems to be more S&M then rihanna's video :/ strange strange world we live in lol

  30. Nicole says:
    Tue, 22nd Feb 20115:16 pm 

    This is such a great topic to discuss. Women taking control of their sexuality is viewed as taboo, yet men abusing a woman's sexuality is expected and even encouraged. It's insane to imagine that Ludacris' What's Your Fantasy can be played on tv with its sexually provocative language, or even Usher's Little Freak, yet Rihanna's song is being banned.

  31. chellabd says:
    Wed, 23rd Feb 20113:13 am 

    What a wonderfully written article, well-said and I agree with you completely. This was a seriously quality article, and reminded me a lot of the top-notch articles written over at Jezebel.

  32. mike says:
    Wed, 23rd Feb 20113:18 pm 

    this is a pretty lame blog

  33. Kelly says:
    Mon, 11th Apr 201111:25 am 

    Good article.
    I have one contention: Miley Cyrus released "Cant' Be Tamed" (the single) right before the final season of Hannah Montana premiered. I have an issue with this in that she was trying to still be a role model for young girls AND grow up into a more sexualized adult.

    While she has a right to decide what to do with her own life and reputation, it doesn't seem the best way to represent yourself to 11-year-old girls. Sure, Hannah Montana and Cyrus' music career are supposedly technically separate, but it would be naive to assume most her young Disney fans didn't follow her when she forayed into a more sexualized identity.

  34. Chmmr says:
    Tue, 26th Apr 20111:52 am 

    Got nothing wrong with it in my eyes (22.M.Aus)

  35. Chmmr says:
    Tue, 26th Apr 20111:55 am 

    Another great point.

  36. Muffy says:
    Fri, 3rd Jun 20119:07 am 

    Rihanna and Brown had a fight. End of that story.

    The "S&M" video itself is harmless, but Rihanna is not. Her voice can kill people.

  37. Breakherlegs says:
    Sat, 9th Jun 20125:14 pm 

    O.o You're right, not everyone has to be into S&M, totally! I so agree with you!

    We CAN NOT have a woman singing about her S&M related sex fantasies, or show videos that show suggestive and erotic imagery (Because some people are uncomfortable with it), and we can not have male singers doing the same/similar things.
    We also can not have songs/clips about exhibitionism, polygamy or cheating, as these things might offend some people as well (and might encorage these behaviors in the people who listen to these artists, many of them very young).
    OH! Also, songs which refer to women with derogative words such as 'bitch' and 'ho' should not be aired, because this might influence men to treat women poorly and some girls wouldn't like such words being used to describe their gender. It is so sexist.
    Also, no skimpy clothing may be worn, because some people don't like seeing a lot of skin, and it may come off as trashy.

    No, even better idea! We should exclude all sexual references, innuendo and imagery from pop music all together. It is the only way to keep the children protected.

    Okay… So now…. Let me think of the artists who we DON'T have to prohibit and censor from the mainstream…. (You know, the ones who don't talk about sex)….

    Oh, no, I'm at a loss. The radio would be a very silent place, I think.

    Maybe we should just let people be, instead?

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    Tue, 28th Aug 20128:37 pm 

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    Fri, 31st Aug 20121:07 am 

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